TIME Is A Magazine

It’s 3.09am – and I have just had a bowl of Indomie’s Mee Goreng which I made into Mee Soup. Yes, I was lazy to toast the noodles, prefered to just add water like other instant noodles. And the best thought that came through this dire mind of mine (Presto! It rhymes!) after that was that I want to die like my Grandfather – in his sleep; not screaming like the passengers in his car.

No, lah! My late Grandfather (maternal – may God bless his kind soul) did meet with an accident 10 years ago but he died in hospital more than a month later because of brain haemorrhage due to the impact his head made on the steering wheel. He was 86. He died while he was in a coma.

Time, oh yes. That’s the title I chose for this posting. Some people are simply not aware of time, or choose to remain ignorant of time, that they think others in Malaysia live in the same time zone as he is in – Bangladesh. I mean, what can be more annoying than having a SMS text beeping your partner’s phone while you are doing your nightly PT (pelvic thrusts – not physical training) at midnight? Initially I said to myself that if the text message says, “Watper beb” I’ll burn the big screen where he and friends watch football nightly, and burn the whole place down too. Why take a chance of them buying a new screen? Fucking loser.

BTW, Man U sucks. Over-rated male bimbos.

“U dah tido?”

What kind of a fucked-up question is that? It can only come from someone who is:

a) in love with himself,

b) is a 34-year old virgin and is trying to get YOUR partner to de-flower him (maybe I should give her my baseball bat to de-flower his smelly 0.014%-arab arse with) using the excuse to collect a cheque to see her,

c) a stumpy – much like a Perodua Kancil with lowered suspension: in a politically-correct and friendly term, a KATEK.

It makes it worse if he belongs to more than one of the categories I have mentioned above. Luckily Yummy Baby‘s smart and replied him the following:

“I’m already in bed. You can come and collect the cheque from SeaDemon if you want.”

Man, the guy must have lost his ego and self-esteem because it took him an awfully long time to reply:

“It’s okay, I think dah lewat dah. I’ll come by the office tomorrow, Insyaallah.”


What the fuck was he thinking of when he sent the first text message? Maybe he got lost in thought because it is an unfamiliar territory to him. I seriously think he has Esodophobia; and that is taking its toll on the state of his mind because it is a direct conflict with his desire. It probably looks like the State of Myanmar right now, wondering how is it that I, an older person than he is, with a lot lesser hair than he has (I mean, this guy is really hairy he probably howls during full moon), can score with Yummy Baby and he can’t. Come on, let’s face it. At this age, I am hardly a Tom Cruise, or a Brad Pitt. So it can only mean that Yummy Baby does not go for (1) guys with dick the size of a 2B pencil, (2) the 2-minute man, (3) virgins.

And Insyaallah (God willing)? out of the blue? Insyaallah he will lose his virginity soon, if God wills it. Otherwise we all know his willy does not have the will. Give the man a hand, guys! No, let him use his own hands to de-flower himself.

Gosh, this posting is so self-incriminating. Do I sound like I care? Of course, not! I no longer take life seriously because at the end of it, I am not going to get out of it alive, for God’s sake!

And talking about time, I was a punctual person, well, up until 1995 that is. When I left the service, I didn’t see any reason for me to be punctual, and get all worked-up emotionally. So, don’t rush me people. I like to take things at my own pace and enjoy every second of this life.

And time heals all wounds. You better believe it.

And I hate watching football, save for the World Cup, once every four years.

It’s 3.58am, time for me to sleep.