Kamasutra Position #831

Yeah, I wish I could do Kamasutra position #831, but I know it really is position #830 only with an added feature: WITH THE FINGERS CROSSED.

A peacock would do its ritual dance to mate, an Asian Koel would whistle its more familiar but taken-for-granted tune. And Baby and I made an elaborate preparation last night. We went to pasar malam (night market), had the crappiest authentic Johor dinner, went home early, turned off the light before 10pm so we could start early – AND WE BOTH FELL ASLEEP! Good God! What a damper! This always happens when we plan something nice. Maybe we both should just keep it simple by NOT planning, and let things happen spontaneously.

Anyway, talking about authentic Johor food, there is this most-frequented outlet somewhere in the Keramat area that boasts having authentic Johor food. We were contemplating on eating kuey teow initially, but Baby had forgotten which stall it was that she went to. I even thought of backtracking to Kelana Jaya but remembered that kuey teow is only served during lunchtime there. So, we decided on having authentic Johor food.

After parking the car, we walked to this outlet. The first thing I noticed is the way Nasi Bariyani is spelt there: NASI BERYANI. If I remember it well, it is always spelt as either NASI BARIYANI or NASI BARYANI in Johor. I thought to myself, “I don’t think this place serves good Johor food.” The second thing is the absence of Kacang Pool (Johor’s own chilli con carne using Fowl Beans…not foul beans). Then of course, the absence of other Johor favourites like Cikong (Johor’s name for the Len Chee Kang but don’t ask me how they gave that name) and a few more stuff.

Baby ordered the Mee Rebus while I ordered a Nasi Beryani (see how I’ve spelt it as) Daging. First, they delivered Baby a Mee Bandung – WRONG!!! Then they sent me my order, which really was Nasi Minyak with Daging. The Nasi Beryani tasted nothing like the authentic Johor Nasi Baryani, and used common rice!!! It really tasted like the Nasi Minyak we’d have back at the Malay College that is usually accompanied by condiments like Ayam Masak Tomato that tasted like chicken in oily sour paste, and dalca sans isi.

I think I am qualified to talk about Johor food, given my love for Johor food since the late 1970s, and further more, aku dah masuk Johor. Just don’t ask me how I masuk la!

Anyway, I am never going back there again…ever! I’ll stick to having Johor food in Johor, as I would stick to having authentic Thai Tomyam in Thailand.

I’m starving now. Maybe I should go for a nice hotdog from 1901, laced with extra mustard.

Now, where is Baby? It is Kamasutra night. I hope the mustard won’t cause me any problems tonight and derail my plan yet again.