And You All Thought SeaDemon’s The Worst

15,000 people made their way to yesterday’s GAS (Gerakan Anti-Samy Vellu) gathering at the Mines yesterday. 5,000 were inside the convention center while another 10,000 got lost somewhere. Semi Value has evaded yet another attempt to GAS him, and one cannot but wonder if this GAS is merely HOT AIR (Hearing Others Talk, Action Isn’t Required).

Let’s leave politics aside and concentrate on those LITTLE things that matter to us more.

I have this notion that although Asians in general have small dicks, Malay men are the ones actually embarrassed about the whole thing. If you walk into the Gents, it is the Malay men who are more inclined to walk into a booth just to pee, leaving people in dire need to use a booth to dump crap (especially people who need to dump crap more often like me) having to wait, then find that there’s been splashes of urine on the toilet seat because small dicks generally have poor aim (you can’t even hold the barrel, let alone hold it steady!). You can hardly see Malay men actually using the urinals to pee. More often than not, they use the urinals only because they have a ciggy in their mouth, and use the urinal as their convenient ashtray. There I was in a favourite department store of my wife’s and I had the urge to go dump crap. This particular toilet has two booths and three urinals. When I walked in, the urinals were jobless, one booth was already filled while the other had this Malay man standing and splashing his urine on the toilet seat. I lost interest and it was close to three hours later that I had the urge again.

Seriously, Malay men should learn from the Japanese. Small dick or not, they churn out porn videos like the Indians churn out their Happy Movies – you know, those kind where people know the dance routine although they don’t know each other in the movie, change 14 sets of clothes just for one song, can start a song routine in Timbuktu and end the song on the snowy slopes of the Matterhorn; and the hero can whack two bus-loads of gangsters while the gangsters’ boss made his departure and had had a half-hour head start, but not to worry, Mr Hero can always outrun the fastest of them TATA or MAHINDRA-made cars and drop-kick the villain straight into a holding cell of the nearest police station (read 5 kilometers away).

Oh, back to those Japanese porn videos, as I was saying, small dick or not, they never fail to act as if they could tear apart a virgin full-grown adult female Elephant. And the Japanese girl will be screaming and moaning – I don’t know if it was out of sheer delight or frustration. I don’t understand Japanese. For all you know, she was saying “Where is it? Where is it? I can’t feel it!” to the guys who were doing her. I mean, it is so funny watching them face-fuck the girl. Because the tip of the dick cannot make it past the back of the tongue, let alone enter the throat orifice, they would stuff everything, including their pubic hair into the girl’s mouth just to achieve the impression that they’re actually making the girl deep throat them.

And those pubic hair…gosh! If she were a goat, she would have had a whale of a time partying with all that carpet-munching. I mean, the length of their pubic hair! Had one fallen off and dropped onto the floor, if one were to be able to spot that strand, he would have thought someone is balding! Remember Mel Gibson in Braveheart? Now, that’s the kind of hairstyle I could have if I could shave a Japanese male pornstar’s pubic hair!

Talk about confidence level!

I mean, you have to give it to them.

“Here baby, come suck my dick. Just part my pubic hair slowly and you might just be able to find it in there somewhere….No! That’s a grain of rice from yesterday’s sushi that dropped onto my lap, you stupid bitch! Still can’t find it? DORAEMON! Where’s that fucking lawnmower???”

Really, Malay men should have that kind of self-confidence. Then you won’t find Malay girls going for white men. I mean, what’s the big thing about white men? You can find the same thing covered in turmeric and salt in a Mamak joint. They’re called SOTONG for God’s sake!

But with all that INFERIORity complex (no pun intended), one Malay man stands out….the ONE MALAYSIAN who has it all – confidence, brain (albeit with not a hint of a single working cell) and the OOMPH. Meet this stud of a teacher – ALIAS ISMAIL:

This teacher who is serving in Terengganu and had just won an award shared the secret of his seemingly boundless energy – a good read of porn material and sex – every night. No wonder I don’t write as well as I used to – I never read anymore! I just have sex every night! I should start reading again! And Alias Ismail shared this secret of his with the whole nation! Now, that’s confidence. Having sex every night is nothing uncommon. I do that too, I must admit – minus the reading. And mind you, Terengganu also happens to be the state where a few years ago a man was caught by his village folks for raping a goat to death. I doubt it was a goat given the average size of the Asian dick. It was probably a lamb. But of course, the Malaysian media realized that had the story been written to reveal the truth, it would put Asian men to shame, and such stories will never sell – so make it a goat.

So, Malay men, please emulate the spirit of this teacher cum stud although, looking at his face, I doubt that actual penetration took place. I still think he managed to get it off in between the creases of the labia folds.

And you guys always thought I’m bad…