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The rain is a reflection of my heart
that’s in tatters and torn apart;
The howling wind and the patter of the rain
are the sounds of my heart screaming in pain

I have not been well the past few days. I lost my nose because it ran away. It was very runny. Thanks to a very good friend of mine who brought me some Zyrtec-D, coupled with the Amoxycillin dose, things are somewhat under control. Well, I do sneeze still, though not as much as before.

I managed to speak to the a friend who had just returned from Krungthep today (after our meet last weekend – he was there to work, I was there working out) and talked about the recent trip as well as our previous ones together. The heavy rain outside made the atmosphere more melancholic, and one song was playing on my mind – a song that I have posted earlier this month.

Here is the song again, and the translation to its lyrics:

Since the day you left me and went away life has no meaning to me
I looked like a dead person when you walked away with him
I am getting much better now and have almost forgotten I was once hurt
Time has helped me forget whatever that had happened between us

But one day I saw you by his side
I felt the pain again as before

From today, I will have to start all over again
So I can forget whatever that remains in my heart
Whenever I see you with him

From today, I will have to bear the pain and loneliness
It’s like walking down memory lane
My heart is upset, you were once mine, and I haven’t forgotten that

I don’t blame you, I don’t blame anyone else
I have only myself to blame
For I can’t forget though I’ve suffered for a long time
I keep lying to myself
That time will help me forget, but how long will it take?
If ten months weren’t enough, how about ten years then
so I can truly forget you

I just found that out when I saw you by his side
I felt the pain again as before

From today, I will have to start all over again
So I can forget whatever that remains in my heart
Whenever I see you with him

From today, I will have to bear the pain and loneliness
It’s like walking down memory lane
My heart is upset, you were once mine, and I haven’t forgotten that

I listened to this song on Hazyr’s blog and it brought back memories of 1997. I was single again, and alone. And this song was then a hit. I used to meet up with my friend Shamsulkamar (Sam) who is now an airline pilot, and we’d play the guitars. This was one of the songs we’d play.

Hazyr, I know what this song means to you, and why. To me, I just sang it as a symbol of an unrequited love.

Enjoy.

She finally rolled over and faced me.

“Hi Honey,” she smiled. “Did you nap at all?”

I smiled back at her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “No, I did not. I was reading about conversion lenses for my camera’s underwater housing.”

“How’s the shoulder?” she asked, rubbing the shoulder I injured at the gym yesterday evening.

“It’s okay. Just as long as I don’t lift anything heavy. What shall we do tonight?” I asked.

“R&R,” she replied.

“That stands for rest and recreation, Honey,” I said. “We’ve been resting all day, what kind of recreation should we be doing?”

She climbed on top of me and smiled. “Ah, you’re always good at providing the recreation.”

This is the song I let you listen to just now, Honey. I have always loved this song; it’s about something I have always wanted. A simple love.

I want to be holding your hand like this and not let go
Can love be simple without hurt?
You
Are leaning on my shoulder
You
Are sleeping on my chest
Like this kind of life
I love you
You love me

This is a song I used to listen to back in 2001. At that time, I was in my Proton Saga on the hilly road between Ampang Tambahan heading towards Hulu Langat…it was a dark night. I stood outside my car looking at the lights of the city of KL.

Little did I know that one day the lyrics of this song actually reflects a huge part of my life.

This is An Jing (Silence) by Jay Chou from his album Fantasy.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ? ?

The rest, you get someone who speaks Mandarin to translate the song for you.

“Honey, I would love to grow old with you,” she said, removing her glasses to put her head on my shoulder.

We were watching a Clint Eastwood movie that co-stars Ed Harris. The breeze from outside was nice and cooling. I kissed the top of her head.

“I’m already old,” I replied. “How much older do you want me to be?”

She laughed, poking my ribs.

*phone rings*

Me: Hi, Honey!

She: Hi, Baby. How are you feeling today?

Me: A lot better actually. I slept well due to Xanax. But that’s the only time I’ll use it. It’s not good to rely so much on Xanax.

She: Why?

Me: Xanax killed Linda Wong.

She: Who’s Linda Wong?

Me: She was one of my favourite pornstars.

She: *laughter* You’re your jovial self today. You sounded so bad yesterday. Sorry I couldn’t be with you last night, Honey. I had to go to church with mom after the dinner because today she can’t make it there.

Me: That’s okay. I’ve always had this thing for Catholic girls.

She: Don’t you start.

Me: Let’s have tea. I don’t really feel like going out, but we could just have tea and laze around at home.

She: But you know there’s nothing at home for tea. What do you feel like having?

Me: Honey, you just make the tea, I’ll go get some croissants or scones somewhere. Will that be okay with you?

She: Sounds good, but are you fit to drive?

Me: Yes, I am.

She: Because if you’re not, I’ll give you a good spanking. Oh, I take that back. You always like to be spanked.

Me: Haha! Killjoy! I’ll see you later. I’ll give you a call once I’ve gotten the food for us.

Yeah, I am missing someone.

Here is a song I used to listen to a lot back in 2004. It’s called ?????? (missing you) by Peacemaker. I’ll provide the translation of the song below:

I close my eyes and I can feel
the loneliness in my heart
the night is long
and lonely
when I breathe, I feel the emptiness

I want to feel the worries that I’ve given you
so you can hear the voice of the moon
whispering you to have a good dream
and let you know forever

That each time
we are so far apart
there is a word in my heart
that I would like to tell you
let you know and understand

That I am miss you
when we are far from each other
I will say out the word
and you will know
and replace the worrying

I miss you

And I have only you

Good morning, Honey, it’s 7.28am.