Category: What da f***!!

For all you people who slave for others daily to make them rich, here is a cure for your Monday blues:

I took one two years ago.

I’m a lot happier than I was then.

Because I can see through your head! Hahahahaha!

* original image removed and replaced with current one to show love (or rather, what I think LOVE is)*

I am suffering from Boredom.

Boredom is defined as: “A state of weariness with, and disinterest in, life.”

So how do I stimulate my brain to make life more interesting today? I drew me a picture of a snowdrop in a blizzard:

Now, if you look at the picture below, I am also trying to overcome boredom by trying to figure out which way is the top of the picture. Should I rotate this to the left, or right? 90 degrees? 180 degrees? 360 degrees?

Very stimulating indeed.

Maybe I shouldn’t just look at this screen and be bored. I should try eat and be fed up.

image – BBC

Totally perplexed.

This flight was under the command of a very senior aircraft captain with close to 20 years of service with BA. The plane crash-landed just near a periphery road.

The pilot claimed that he had lost power. An airport taxi driver saw the aircraft approaching too low. I am sure both pilot and co would have seen the runway’s VASI, and Heathrow’s ILS would have warned them if their guideslope was not correct.

The investigators would now have to take into account meteorological events such as headwind (if it was a windshear, the B777’s on-board computer would have given out an audible windshear warning) – but it would have to be a really strong one (headwind) to have made the aircraft stall and land outside the threshold of the runway. Next would be to eliminate pilot error or technical aspects.

Maybe the pilot saw a shortcut on the periphery road and tried to take that…

Yes…it was me Lingam was talking to that fateful day. We were discussing the appointment of certain judges as well as those shortlisted to become the next Chief Justice. But as Lingam’s counsel had said, the voice and face in the video may be that of Lingam’s. In the age of digital recordings and editings, that seems plausible.

I told Lingam that I knew whose name were in the list and that certain characters had to be stopped. Otherwise it would be difficult to get out of a parking ticket court case even. Lingam just stood there and said nothing. When I told him that the new CJ had to be Ahmad Fairuz for fear that judge Malek would be an anti-establishment figure, he said nothing too.

To me, Lingam is just one dumb person. He never said anything about my suggestions. Instead he stared blankly.

In the end I took his cap off, held him by the neck, turned him outside down and poured the Lingam chilli sauce onto a side plate so I can dip my fish crackers in it.

Newton’s view on time was opposed by the likes of Leibniz and Kant. Time is so mysterious that temporal movements have long occupied technologists and astronomers alike. Although periodic movements and periodic events have long become the standard basis of calculating time, men wanted something more precise (again – time) and introduced the certain number of hyperfine transitions of the caesium atoms to regulate the second measurement. This is how the SI defines the second:

The second is the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom

Very confusing for a layman like you and I perhaps. But even Einstein was confused. Einstein showed that if time and space is measured using electromagnetic phenomena (like light bouncing between mirrors) then due to the constancy of the speed of light, time and space become mathematically entangled together in a certain way (called Minkowski space) which in turn results in Lorentz transformation and in entanglement of all other important derivative physical quantities (like energy, momentum, mass, force, etc) in a certain 4-vectorial way.

After reading and researching what time really is, I have come to one final conclusion:

That TIME…is a magazine.

Yeah…I heard that song playing.

Buddhist Babe was lying on her tummy listening to this song. Her top part naked, bottom half covered by the white duvet.

Hang on! Isn’t my babe a Catholic?

Oh no. This is the Buddhist Babe. And this is a special request from her.

I walked to the side of the bed nearest to her. “What’s wrong, Babe?” I asked, stroking her hair gently.

“I just feel sad my man broke my heart into pieces,” she said in a sad tone.

“But I’m here at your request,” I began.

She turned to look at me and held my hand.

“Will you unbreak my heart, please?” she asked softly.

Well, I hate to tell her the truth. To unbreak a heart isn’t easy. But I can start stuffing glue-like stuff inside her. Might glue back her heart too.

If Uthayakumar were to tell the HINDRAF people that he is actually British and can no longer join them or support them, he would be cleansed royally by the latter.

Today we have another traitor to the cause in our midst.

When I met him for lunch, he was all casual but apprehensive, and tried breaking the ice to me by starting his conversation about how my Ibu sends her son to the same place as his. Maybe he thought breaking the ice would be better than me breaking his head straight away before he could finish his pathetic nasi goreng with telur dadar.

His name is Azlan Chao – the man who sold his Az. So from now on, he is known only as Lan Chao…then again, that is what we’ve been calling him since he wanted to ride on his younger brother’s fame (Jay Chao) but at the same time look like his elder brother, the MB for Pahang, Adnan Yaakob.

I remember during fasting month, he was dishing out his business card to us at Khalifah stating that he would never climb up Uptown Two again because he might catch ringworms (kurap). I guess the periphery clinics will be laughing to the bank after this treating him for that skin disease.

Neils, Fuad, Ah Keong, Sharifuddin, Shaking Lee, Taukeh Dora Dora, Walking Vibrator, Oneon and all alumni members as well as current members, please leave your most explicit comments for this posting. Describe him the best as you can.

The proof

Now he has no excuse not to play golf with me ever again.

Maybe love is just a farce, and to say love is a beautiful feeling is a fallacy.

Love is just a feeling that one gets, and falls in the same category as hope does: HOPELESS.

I could smell the intoxicating odour of cigarette smoke, as the Lost Woman puffs away, probably looking at me from behind as I stand and stare outside the window: the roads in KL are still wet from the heavy downpour an hour ago, as wet as the torso of both Lost Woman and I.

I took a sip of my JD Coke. In the back of my mind I know that the Lost Woman will soon start thinking about what Ambrose Bierce had said about love:

“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.”

Whereas my quote on love would be:

“L.O.V.E – like F.U.C.K, is just another meaningless four-letter word.”

She took another puff, inhaled deep, and exhaled poisonous gas. Finally finding the courage, she asked, “You have had me so many times now. Do you actually love me?”

I turned to look at her, slowly sipping my JD Coke, then turned back to look out the window.

I just made love to you, Woman. Doesn’t that count?