Category: What da f***!!

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This Is A Weird One…

Winching
Divernet News, dateline 11 January 2006
‘No thanks’ to rescue helicopter

A stranded New Zealand diver turned down a lift by rescue helicopter – because he was afraid of heights.

The incident, which occurred just before Christmas, involved two divers who, after entering the sea off Island Bay in the Cook Strait, were left stranded when their dive boat lost power and drifted away. The boat put out an emergency call and a rescue helicopter and police launch arrived on site.

One diver was spotted in the sea near Island Bay’s Taputeranga Island, and was tended by the launch. When the other was spotted on a rock close to the island, the helicopter headed over to hoist him up. But when the lift man arrived alongside him, the diver refused to go, saying he was afraid of heights.

He said he would prefer to stay put a while longer and wait for the police launch. The winchman retreated and the diver duly swam out from the rock when the launch arrived to pick him up.

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Elie-gations

Who the f*** is Elie Youssef Najem? He is getting more news coverage than the pilgrims who died in Mecca! He is more annoying than the Crazy Frog!

His story came about when he pledged some RM1 billion plus to the Majlis Kanser Nasional (MAKNA). Soon, stories about him came in droves (I’ll use that term). Crook? Maybe. I say maybe but I am more inclined to say yes. Besides the cheating allegations, he is also one-day-Muslim, another-day-I-don’t-know-what.

Latest twist is, his 19-year old wife may not even be his wife. She is three months pregnant now…but according to Elie, they were married back in September 2005. Early Sept? Mid Sept? Late Sept? Anyway, I won’t accuse her of doing anything bad..that is between her and the Almighty.

You're my wife...you're not my wife...I'm the 3rd richest man in the world...NOT!

Why I am saying she may not be his wife is because now the Kedah Religious Affairs Department has confirmed that the kadi who married them had died some ten years ago, and the serial number on the marriage certificate belongs to another couple.

The fact that he is still walking around giving press statements is…unbelievable. Even Datuk Kamarul Ariffin of MAKNA and the company that provides security for Elie have some hope of squeezing some portion of Elie’s Elie-ged billions.

Someone please take him to the PJ Police Station and make him ear-squat his billions out. And unmask him, please. Maybe he actually looks like THIS!!!

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Another Beach-Goer Dies Of Shark Attack

Holy crap!!! Abort the rescue attempt!!

Apparently 3 bull sharks were responsible in the attack on a Brisbane woman last week, with one shark chasing rescuers as they dragged the victim’s mauled body back to shore. Sarah Kate Whiley, 21, from Brisbane, is the first to die by shark attack in the 44-year history of Queensland’s controversial Shark Safety Program (why is it controversial?).

The sharks continued to savage her after she lost both arms in the vicious attack just 20 meters from the shore in chest-deep water. Local fisherman, Gordon Dix said the beach was unsafe for swimming. The water dropped sharply into a deep channel and was often murky, with runoff from Moreton Bay emptying into the ocean, particularly after storms. “This was a tragedy waiting to happen,” Mr Dix said.

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Jarak Memories

I’m sure those who went to Jarak in November with me noticed one of my t-shirts that read: McSHIT.

It is based on a true event as follows:

McShit

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What A Day…

Office gives me a headache

You walk into the office and the first thing you see on your screen is the thing that makes your blood boil…

HAPPY NEW YEAR my arse!

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Whale Shark Tag Tells Sad Tale

I'm harmless and beautiful...why kill me?

Whale Shark Tag Tells Sad Tale

The tag attached to a whale shark suddenly ended up stationary and on land – most probably because the animal was caught and eaten.

The 7.5m whale shark had been tagged and was being monitored by Australian scientists as it moved around off Western Australia. The satellite position signals eventually started coming from on shore at Ningaloo island and, reported ABC Online, emitted from the same spot for the next three months.

It is thought that the whale shark was caught by fishermen and taken ashore to be eaten, the tag being removed and discarded. As a result of the incident, Western Australia’s tourism minister has called for an “international treaty to protect them (whale sharks) and our tourism industry”.

Diving with whale sharks or spotting them from boats is a major draw for marine-orientated visitors to the region.

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Cursing Children

I was in Kuantan this morning for a meeting. After the meeting concluded, we all went out to lunch and parked along Jalan Besar. As we were walking to the restaurant, we saw two shops, one manufacturing sofas, the other selling stationeries. The former’s called KAM SOON while the latter, FOOK YEW.

I guess they are twins and their mom never liked them. That is why they are called that. Maybe the dad had premature ejaculation and yelled, “COME SOON!” and the dissatisfied mother shouted back, “F*** YOU!”

Imagine how the parents would have called them: “KAM SOON, FOOK YEW!’

I wish I had brought along my camera.