SeaDemon Says

I remember a few years back when I wanted to look for an “office” address because I was freelancing as I do now but in another industry.

I went to Plaza Damansara and was met by this GQ hair Zara-clothed Ah Beng who introduced himself as “Romanio.” Took me up to this office and showed me around. He went something like:

“For the de-lurrx packajhe we will give you one phone ex-hertension, tree e-mail addreth, and tree power pointth in your purrsonal concubine.”

My eyes went wide. For RM600 per month I get my own personal concubine.

Then he went on: “But-ter, at warn o-cock unteeul two o-cock the err-cons will off so you may want to bring a bock-fence.”

So I finally got to see my beautiful personal concubine as depicted in the image above. I cracked my head trying to figure out what on earth is a bock-fence. Coming from the security industry, I know nothing of this bock-fence.

Then I saw one:

As we all know, Icecool made MAJOR today, and I just sent MAJOR CAPTAIN CORPORAL CHOY an SMS asking him not to beat the aeroplane (in Cantonese please), because only God can now turn his Ginseng into a Tongkat Ali.

Anyway, below, please find pics as an update on them:

CHOY’S GINSENG SESSION

As you know, Choy has aneurysm, a complication that can cut one’s life short (hey, hypertension causes aneurysm too, Choy. Maybe I should do a CT Scan as well…can ah Bakawali?).

This is Choy trying to show that he has been resting when actually he had just gotten back from Starbucks

I didn’t know hospitals serve Starbucks stuff…hm…naughty boy, Choy

This enlarged version is to show that sign above your head, Choy. CRIB means COMPLETE REST IN BED! And you were still loggingin to update your blog from Starbucks

Nurse giving Choy a handjob

Please note that Choy has since been discharged while SeaDemon’s hypertension got worse.

ICECOOL

From Captain Cabuk to Major Idle. Absent without on leave and still get promoted.

See how differently he laughs also. Now “I the very big oledi” laugh. In uniform he looks very different to the gigolo we always see at Concorde KL

What is this??? Captain to Major and only KFC? I thought only Corporals do this when they get promoted? And you guys have been stealing the mess chinaware is it?

Whatever it is, you give to Countloon, he will whack all. Like me. I don’t eat only 4 things. Rocks, Soap, Wood, Iron..oh, and locomotives.

Congratulations, Mejar Anthony Yeap Hock Chai.

That voodoo that you do
the shimmy lights through you
and no one can voodoo the voodoo
you do
do to me

Yesterday, a friend and her husband told me that there is a voodoo doll made for me.

It is something I already know. Two months ago when I paid a visit to an elder man for a massage, he told me the same. This man, as well as my friend and her husband, wonder how it is that I can still walk around and am not down or dead yet.

In the words of my Guru:

Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I’ll wait for something more

Yes I’ve gotta have faith…

Which Guru? This one:

I got serious shock when I read the online version of today’s The Star with a section that says FEI KEI DUO RISE ABOVE THE REST.

I was saying to myself, “I hope these idiots are not cantonese-speakers.”

Quote from The Star:

Students Tan Kae Mern and Lim Sheng Feixiang, both 18, walked away with RM5,000 when they topped the R.AGE My 2 Sen Worth financial management competition here yesterday.

Now. If they are the Fei Kei team, I am sure the cantonese-speaking opponents would say to themselves, “Come let’s beat the Fei Kei team.”

Now, translate that into cantonese and you get….??

Yeah…I know, I am supposed to sleep. You doctors can screw me without any lubricants if you want to for not listening to you.

I’ve just discovered something really stupid. I know my wife is going to be pissed off when she gets the news of this postings from the subhumans (untermenschen as my kampung folks would say) who call her every now and then to tell her of my progress or regress. Anyway, you have to admit how stupid politicians can be.

Yes…this is about my wife and the other hand (and ass) kissing politicians.

Last night, when my BP was high, she was in Awana Kijal…on some political mission. I think she must have left at around 6.30pm and arrived past midnight because that was when she called Hana’s (my daughter) phone. She got home this evening at 8pm, only to leave again at 9.45pm for Pengerang, in Johor East.

At around fifteen minutes past midnight, she sent me an SMS saying she was in Nilai to pick another politician friend up, and told me she is sorry that she isn’t a good wife for leaving me alone at home. So I replied asking her to tell whoever that is driving to drive carefully. At 2.44am, she informed that she had just passed Ayer Keroh R&R because they were sleepy. That’s five hours since departure.

This 41 year old man driving alone would need another half an hour to make it to the jetty in Kuala Besut with that kind of duration if no stop at Gua Musang is made. In that time, I would have been able to check into a hotel in Dannok, at the Malaysian-Thai border of Bukit Kayu Hitam, and would be sleeping for 25 minutes at least; or I’d be fast asleep in Mersing by now while waiting for the first boat out to Tioman.

And my guess is, after lunch, she and her band of friends will be making their way back to KL.

Isn’t it absurd?

This absurdity should be included to the other absurd act of “sending off” or “welcoming back” the Prime Minister at the VVIP Terminal of KLIA. Hundreds will be there and the PM will not even look at you, won’t realise that you were there, and it’s business as usual for him. Yet hundreds of politicians will throng the terminal, not to see the PM off or welcoming him, but to do business networking there, talk cock and sing song.

They should really read this book by Edward De Bono:

How much is the house rent at that house I was looking at, again?

If condoms were sponsored, I wonder what flavours they would have. Hmm.