I Am Sick Of An Unfair Life
I have been upset. It has not been a good month for me. There isn’t a moment that I have not thought about death and how to go about achieving it. Only two things stop me. My kids, and my thoughts of her. No matter how close to impossible it seems as she puts it. Everytime I sit behind the wheel of my car, especially that Saga, I reason with myself that I should make it back home alive.
Today is no different. After being back-stabbed by trusted ones like Caesar was a millenium ago, I received news about Choy a.k.a Metalized‘s current health condition. He is suffering from cerebral aneurysm, which can be life threatening. You can read about it in his latest blog posting.
Damn this. I have had the worst birthday, the worst month in terms of emotional rollercoaster ride, shunned by my whole family because of my pursuit of happiness despite someone’s uncertainty, and now, a good friend whom I have grown fond of, is facing a real uncertainty in life.
How can life be so f***ed up? How much worse can it get? Is there anymore? Anything more that is worse than this? Give it to me. Why can’t I die instead? Everyone says I am a bad person, so take me, and end the miseries of others. My wife says she is rich, so let her take care of the kids. After all, my journey forward after having gone through the steps is still filled with uncertainties…so take me. Why take Choy who is just at the peak of his life? At least I only have someone I can look at but still don’t know if I can hold her for good.
I’m swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won’t let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the waters starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn’t lead to happiness
But why doesn’t someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness’s grasp?
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can’t save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don’t want to fight anymore
I’ve given into darkness
This mortal coil…will end in tears.
In Pursuit Of Happiness
You find someone who makes you happy…who is almost impossible, but not entirely impossible, to have.
To have this person you risk upsetting lots of people.
In pursuit of your happiness, would you go ahead?
Back Stabbing
Imagine being stabbed in the back by the ones closest to you.
Imagine betrayal.
No Pork?
This is f***ing hillarious. This is what Countloon tried to order yesterday but got upset when the waiter told him the pork curry was already finished.
My Buddy, My Friend – Part 2
Picture taken by Fazira using my camera-phone
I think I was at my lowest point when I quarreled with my father via SMS the previous evening. I had everything..headache, neckache and chest pain. So I walked down and saw Nisaa sitting next to Fazira who was eating sausages. So I asked Nisaa if I could put my head on her lap. She never said anything. My head must have been really heavy on her tiny lap but she did not budge. Then I heard her ask, “Ayah sakit ke?”, to which I replied, “Uhuh!”, half asleep.
Then without being told, she massaged my head.
My Buddy, My Friend
Over lunch, I told my eldest daughter Hana, about what happened yesterday.
She just hugged me and cried.
Notice of Meeting
To: Mocha, Countloon, Spazm, Deepblu, Accord Buruk
From: SeaDemon
Organization: Illegal Organization
Chair: There are quite a lot at the venue
Date: 25th July 2007 (Wednesday)
Time: 2000H through 2300H
Place: Restoran Kampung Pandan, Lorong Yap Kwan Seng, 50450 KUALA LUMPUR
IMPORTANT NOTICE OF PARTICIPATION
Participation in, or attendance at, any activity of a TFK Nuclear Research Group or any sub-element thereof, constitutes acceptance of and agreement to be bound by all provisions of the TFK Engineering Manual and permission that all communications and statements, oral or written, or other information disclosed or presented, and any translation or derivative thereof, may without compensation, and to the extent such participant or attendee may legally and freely grant such copyright rights, be distributed, published, and posted on TFK’s web site, in whole or in part, on a non-exclusive basis by TFK or TFK’s licensees or assignees, or as TFK directs. Exceptions to the foregoing may be granted or permitted in writing to the Chair of the Formulating Group by TFK’s Senior Vice President, Standards and Special Projects on a case-by-case basis.
1. Call to Order
2. IPR Statement
3. Review and Approval of Meeting Agenda
4. Approval of Meeting Report
5. Subcommittee Reports
6. Consideration of P2 (centrifuge) for installation in the mini thermonuclear generating plant
7. Set future meeting schedule
8. Other Business
8.1 Reaffirmation of Chairs
Adjournment
Please confirm attendance by leaving a comment.
Corporal Choy’s Kenduri
The above is Corporal Choy and his not-mainland-chinese-looking girlfriend doing a prayer ritual during his kenduri doa selamat for his safe return from Chairman Mao’s Institute of Brainwashing for Foreign Officers in China, at the Kedai Kopi Batu Keras, in KL last night. I couldn’t attend this kenduri as I was having my period, so kenduris are off limits.
Choy is the unwanted soldier. Despite being listed on the PAQ list as “on course” he was transfered out of his unit. I thought he wouldn’t have a unit anyway since he would have done his Clearance Documentation before leaving the unit. According to Countloon, as in the Air Force, the Army also practises the same, but because Choy is a Corporal therefore he is not required to do Arrival and Clearance.
So what is Choy really? He is now starring in the movie “TERMINAL 2″ as he is now unitless. He’s neither here nor there. He cannot report to an Officers’ Mess and neither can he go and eat at the unit’s cookhouse with all the junior ranks. The Army Headquarters seems to have forgotten him. When he came back, he had to rely on Apekbarber’s staff car to pick him up. His payslip indicates that he is a MEJAR, but his epaulette shows he is a KAPTEN…but the figures in his payslip indicates that he is drawing a KOPRAL’s pay.
So what is Choy really? He reminds me of an old soldier who gave us a ‘motivational’ talk when I was undergoing my Officer Cadet Course. He said,
”
Officer Cadets are nothing but the scum of the earth who are neither here nor there. They are not officers, yet they rank higher than the Warrant Officers. At the same time they can be treated like sh** by instructors who are Privates. They have not been listed as being part of the military strength, yet they are no longer citizens by virtue that they have surrendered their IC back. So that makes Officer Cadets scums of the earth – persona non grata in their own country and workplace.”
Motivational indeed. We were so motivated that one of my squadmates, Kadir Zakaria, decided to run AWOL that same night to go back to his father’s house in Majidee, only to be surrendered by the father, who was an ex-Warrant Officer, to the Military Police. And he faced hell for the next two weeks upon being surrendered back to the Cadet Wing.
So Choy, we understand your predicament. However, looking on the flip side, you may be a Corporal but even Warrant Officers, Lt Muda and Lt have to salute you. Just don’t tell them how much you’re earning.
Below are some more photos of the kenduri doa selamat for Choy, as provided by Countloon:
Icecool with his escorts…sorry…bodyguards
Apekbarber’s daughter frantically protesting her father’s and uncle choy’s attempt to introduce her to health drinks
“..and give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses (as soon as we’re done with the kenduri)..
Countloon showing what he thinks of his lovely wife, Cindy
I hope Choy didn’t look like this after he left the Kedai Kopi early this morning. With a Corporal’s pay, he might end up without clothes after the bills came.
Blue Skies, Good Viz – Part 4
There you go. The last picture Deepblu took with his Inon strobes before it finally conked out. I was doing my official 200th PADI logged dives. This was at the Secret Reef, Perhentian, at 29.3 meters deep.
Why do I call it that?
I did several dives between 1982-1983 when I first dived. Then more dives in the military. After 1996 I was diving in PD and Pangkor, before I finally enroled in PADI’s Open Water Diver Course in March 2005.
I made an Advanced Nitrox Diver (licensed to dive using O2 mixes up to 100% O2) in November 2005, made a PADI Master Scuba Diver in December 2005, a PADI Divemaster in March 2006, almost exactly a year to being a licensed diver.
Nowadays I prefer doing deep and wreck dives. That is why if you dive with me, it is almost always that you will find me hugging the sea floor.
SeaDemon Says 
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