SeaDemon Says

I’m sick of life.

Sometimes what life has in store for me sickens me.

Therefore I’m sick of life.

It’s been a long and tiring day. Completed one job and when the payment’s cleared, I hope to buy more equipment. When I arrived home, the little one was by the front grill extending her right hand, wanting to shake my hand while I was still inside the car. Yeah, I drove my dive car: the Saga. The Naza Ria’s back from the workshop after changing its bearings. I should really tend to my garden. The lawn needs mowing. One of my converted IKEA lamps is in need of some repairs.

But nothing that I have written above has anything to do with what I had originally wanted to write.

People bitch. I don’t mean humans do it with dogs, although some partners can look like dogs. What I mean is, people love gossips. It is the favourite past-time of, and especially of, the malays.

The malays have so many proverbs to show how malays love gossips. They love to know about other people..the negative aspects, if possible. The proverbs are self-explanatory. Among them are: “Mulut tempayan boleh ditutup”, “Suka menjaga tepi kain orang” and a few others. My favourite is: “Mulut macam p*ki ayam.” I won’t go into translating these proverbs into English. The Dewan Bahasa dan Puaka (Chamber of Malay Language and Horrors) may not like it.

Anyway, as I sat at this coffee shop in Port Klang, I overheard two old maids talking about an absent third person’s affair with someone else’s husband. As true as the story may seem, when related to another person, the effect is 16-folds. Why so? This new person will spread it to four other persons and these four will each have four listeners. Of course, these two old maids are oblivious and indifferent to the fact that such gossips could permanently destroy the marriage of this person they were talking of.

You give a book written by Dr Ambrose to a malay woman and she will rot alive. You’ll see maggots eat her brain. But if you give her tabloids like Bacaria, URTV, Media Hiburan, Mangga and so on, she’ll be prickier than the prick of a horny 16-year old looking down the cleavage of a 80-year old woman. You can see the millions of gossip forums participated by malays on the Net..all dedicated to assassinating the characters of movie stars, singers and VIPs. From the way they dress up to what they drink. These people know it all. It is as if they live permanently in the house of their victims. Much like parasites do actually, come to think of it.

Sadly, it is not only limited to the Malay women-folks. The men are into gossips as well. For example, when Tun Dr Mahathir was the Prime Minister, members of the Opposition used to go around in “religious sermons” telling how this Pharoah-like person does not get up early to perform the dawn prayers. They know things that even Tun Dr Siti Hasmah wouldn’t know as the wife of Tun Dr Mahathir. They love it when they can feel superior by making others look small. Which is why RELA people love to conduct raids so they can videograph a woman urinating, and Religious Affairs officers love to turn “halal-voyeurs” before they nab a couple committing “close proximity.” So much so that some “religious-pious-wanna-be’s” like the Chief Minister of Malacca and one State Executive Councillor of Terengganu had wanted to set up the “Skodeng Squad” (literally: Snoop Squad) to be manned by the Snoop Dogs.

Enter the young Mufti of Perlis…who is bent on clearing up the misconception of Islam brought about by those people mentioned above. To these people, suddenly their intepretation of Islam has come under challenge by this young Mufti. But I agree with the learned Mufti that spying on one’s privacy is one of the greatest sins in Islam. This is mentioned in both the Al-Quran and the traditions of Muhammad (pbuh).

So, the next time you think of gossiping and cannot mind your own business, think of Hellfire. Only one Latin sentence befits you: Raptus regaliter.

Ah…it’s 4.33am. Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi. Die dulci fruere. And stop gossiping about others.

Thursday May 3, 2007

In February, footage showing Muhammad Hazim being forced to drink drain water and swallow his vomit was released to the media.

Mouseover this picture please

There is a famous arch as you enter the Sungai Udang Camp. It says: “Selamat Datang Ke Pusat Latihan Peperangan Khas Kem Sungai Udang. Kedatangan Kamu Tidak Diundang. Jikalau Ragu Silakan Pulang” or something to that effect.

I remember some of the things I had to do as an Officer Cadet. We were late in navigation by 3 minutes and we were ordered to submerge ourselves in this little pond at a vegetable farm that reared pigs as well in Bukit Pelanduk. We ate in that pond, we were asked to do a swimming competition amongst the 10-men section.

During commando orientation, my squad and I had to crawl on a tarred kampung road and to crawl from one electricity pole to another by the count of 5. And of course the instructors always start their counts from3 for some stupid reason. We crawled from 8am to 5pm, and were told to attend Show Parade in the same combat order but must be in pristine condition. How stupid can things get? For failing that, it was 1000 squat jumps, 1000 push-ups, 1000 sit-ups…some of which I still owe to an instructor who is now dead. I was whacked onthe head while wearing the steel helmet without the inner during Dark Water phase. I had faeces put on the head and stand in the hot afternoon on the parade square before I could wear my blue beret. I was kicked around by instructors at my flight training school from 9pm through 7am just because I didn’t drink nor smoke. During the mess orientation in Ipoh, I was made to count the number of brothels there were within the Ipoh District Council’s (now Ipoh City Hall) area. I missed by 1. There were 188 then. For that I was made to screw the oldest and most revolting prostitute from 20 of the most gross brothels of my seniors’ choice..in a span of 2 hours. And imagine having to show them a condom filled with sperm everytime you leave the room. Of course after the 4th whore, I got smart and took used condoms inthe dustbin.

The thing is, if you are not prepared mentally to join the military service, don’t join. And if the military does not break you mentally and re-mold you into a fighting machine, then there goes the defence of the nation.

This pussy should read the writing on the arch at Sungai Udang. Then leave the service as soon as possible.

And what if God’s dead?
We must have done something wrong!
This dark facade ends
We’re independent from someone!