The Mystery Of A Man’s Heart

Calvin and Hobbes GROSS club

Some people hate me for the fact that I am almost always right – especially when it comes to understanding the human heart.

“A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works” said T.E Kalem. And mine has been broken over and over again to the point that smithereens would seem to huge a piece for each piece of my heart. But it still works. At one point, I was seen to be wallowing in pain, then suddenly people would SMS or e-mail me saying I have moved on and changed to a point that most do not recognise the old me anymore. The question is: Have I actually moved on? Do I not feel any pain?

So let me give you an insight into several categories a man’s heart.

Macho Man

Most men have this facade on them. No matter what, they will maintain an even strain; act cool; no soppy-soppy business. While some suffer inside, most would seem to be able to move on even faster than a Formula One race’s average pitstop times. To them, emotional displays are hogwash and unmanly. They get the chicks faster than a hen can hatch one, denying the fact that these chicks are just rebounds: which explains why they keep changing partners.

Sensitive Man

The sensitive man feels for his partner; other people; and himself. He adapts easily into the likes of the partner, and is always sensitive to her needs. He can be clingy and pressing at times, but she would almost always yearn for his love if he is being lost. To overcome sadness, the sensitive man will try to move on, and may seem to have moved on, putting up a happy facade to hide his pain. He is most vulnerable when he is alone. No matter how long, and how many partners he may have had along the way, he will continue to think about his greatest love that was lost.

Leopard Man

A leopard doesn’t change its spots – much like tigers don’t change their stripes.

Leopards and Tigers – male ones, never care much for their partners. To them, the task of bringing up the children lies in the spouse, as are house chores, making sure his work clothes are ready, his food on the table waiting for him, washing up after meals. He expects his spouse, partner, mate, to understand that he is the dominant figure, and that she should be sufficiently contented with the fact that she is his spouse, partner, mate that he has provided a roof over her head, food to eat, so on and so forth.

When threatened with the loss of his loved ones, he tries to change his stripes or spots, and adapts the culture and emulates the values of one person his spouse, partner, mate has always dreamt of having as her life partner. Like male cats, these are just stances they adapt to make sure the mating partner will always succumb to his needs and desires: be the nice person she has always wanted to see. Once the mate is securely within his grasp, he goes back to his old ways, finding other mates to mate with: as male cats do. This man will show no or very little remorse or regret for the things he’s done that could have cost him his marriage, relationship or whatever have you – typical Alpha-Male behaviour.

Old Dog Man

They are nothing but dogs – old dogs. And as the saying goes, “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks, the saying applies to them aptly.

In a relationship, he would show jealousy, as male dogs would; but as male dogs are, he will show no commitment. he does not venture beyond his learning curve after a while and expects his mate to accept him as he is, and understand him for what he is. He will not reciprocate until and unless he is being threatened with the loss of his spouse, partner, mate; much like the Tiger/Leopard up there. But unlike the leopard/tiger up there, he is most afraid to show commitment, and most afraid of losing the love of his master (parents, first wife etc) than to lose the love of his spouse, partner, mate.

When threatened with the loss, much like a dog that has overstayed its welcome, he will attempt to show that he has changed and is willing to learn new things just so it won’t be chased out of its owner’s house. He will do anything extraordinary to him to win her heart. But as the tiger/leopard up there, he will soon wear out and will become himself back: back to wanting the partner to understand him and not reciprocating. Then he takes this stance of a chauvinist male and expects the partner to understand if he has to lose her, telling her she is strong and not to worry about life – as if he had no role to play in her being broken hearted.

So there you go, the four kinds of hearts men have. There are no middle of the road categories. So pick your choice. – and do so carefully.