It’s sunny outside and I am somewhat happy. However, there is this nagging feeling in my heart telling me it is actually raining inside.
Someone told me on YM last night that I now look happy again, much like how I did back in September and early October of 2007, although not as berseri as my eyes did back then. However, only I know how heavy it is raining inside of me.
I am beginning to sigh a lot, as much as I used to late 2007, I am getting more and more insomniac, and I have rediscovered the joys of eating at ungodly hours – just to kill boredom and melancholia.
I was extremely down late 2007, and friends helped me get on my feet again. I even learnt to open up again, and allow myself to those beautiful feelings. But somehow, knowing that someone who is responsible for helping me be happy will be leaving me. Although it won’t be that soon, but I feel like I’m on the death row waiting for clemency that will never happen, not knowing when I will have to face the hangman; only worse than that because I have to face the hangman again and again and again.
It feels as if someone is crushing my heart in his fist; it feels like thousands of razor blades have just gone through my heart; it feels like a giant meteor is about to hit earth and it is a question of when, not if; and the worst part is when the meteor has hit the earth, shattering it into millions of pieces, I would still be there at the same spot, alive, and have to ponder upon what has been lost, and to look around me seeing things in a different manner because they will never look the same again: something or someone would be missing.
And to miss is what I am afraid of…because it will never stop raining then…
…again…
…and again…
…and again…
SeaDemon Says 