Ben – My MJ Experience

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I’ll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You’ve got a friend in me

I grew up listening to that song, Ben, that was released when I was 6 years old. I never really understood the meaning of that song, and had never bothered to find out either.

I was never a fan of Michael Jackson’s. But along my life’s timeline, there was always an MJ influence here and there. The album Off The Wall (released 1979) had some memorable tunes in there that I still listen to up ’til now, and especially Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough. That was the song I listened to when our family took a drive up to Penang during one of the school holidays in early 1980. That year, a single of a song that is still one of my MJ favourites was released – Heartbreak Hotel. I listen to it still as I drive to work. Then, of course there was the all time hit album Thriller (released in 1982), and the songs in there were like on the charts even when I went off to England to further my studies in 1983. The ever-so-famous Moonwalk inspired lots of youngsters in my Bletchley neighbourhood to imitate MJ’s every move. Bad was released in 1987 when I was in the Air Force, Dangerous in 1991 when Air Force colleagues and I would frequent a pub called Traffic Lights in Damansara Utama, and then the Life Center in Kuala Lumpur to follow a band called Cash Band that had Black or White in their repertoire. After HIStory, I stopped listening to MJ except for his old songs because I thought that the album was more personal than anything else. Nevertheless, I enjoyed You Are Not Alone.

Then of course there were the scandals that plagued him. I regarded those as opportunists taking advantage of his wealth, trying to make quick bucks. However, although he was acquitted, I don’t think he ever recovered from those vicious attacks, his victories were very Pyrrhic in nature. He became the subject of bad jokes and scathing attacks from various quarters. And no matter that his looks and character fluctuated between the sublime and the ridiculous, MJ had always been Ben to millions of his supporters.

And yesterday, 26th June 2009 at approximately 4.00am Malaysian time (25th June 2009 in LA), Ben left the world, where half its population regarded him as a freak, and the other half that have always loved him, for good. It is easy to ridicule a person because it is far easier to forget the good deeds he had done for the world, the hopes he had brought to many in despair. It is always easier to make fun of others because it is only human to feel great when stepping on others.

And now Ben is gone. And as mentioned, I was never a fan of his, he will always be that Ben, to me, and to million others.

Ben, most people would turn you away
I don’t listen to a word they say
They don’t see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I’m sure they’d think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben

There will never be another friend to the world like Ben.

Rest In Peace, finally, Michael Joseph Jackson.

Ben - from Jensenbrazil's site

Gatal Cipet Dan Telor

If you remember your physics well, according to LaPlace’s Law, the surface tension of water provides the necessary wall tension for the formation of bubbles with water. The tendency to minimize that wall tension pulls the bubbles into spherical shapes. In relation to that, the pressure difference between the inside and outside of a bubble depends upon the surface tension and the radius of the bubble.

Then comes SLS, or more commonly known as Sodium Laureth Sulfate. It is an agent that removes oil and grease, and creates all the suds in your shampoo, shower cream thingies and stuff. Used over a long period, it will cause your skin to go haywire. SLS is known to cause allergic reactions, especially to people suffering from eczema. The other day, I had Dyshidrosis eczema breaking out along my fingers and palms. I’ve had it before on and off but this breakout’s the worst ever. I noticed for a while how dry my hands were prior to this breakout. After a few days of reading on the condition (and suffering from the itchiness), I decided to switch to non-soap cleanser whilst applying a mixture of Aqueous and Hydrocortisone cream onto the affected area. The whole episode lasted a few days. There is still this slight itch on my palms, and the dryness, still; but it is getting better.

There are other itches not caused by allergens or SLS. The kind of itch that you truly cannot scratch. Well, at least not with the fingers. This itchiness involves fidelity, or plain lustful and simple itchiness of the crotch area.

Itchy To Get Laid/Itchy To Get Married

This applies to both genders. Well, all itchiness I will be mentioning will involve both genders.

The itchy one will not care how the other person looks like, or how the other person behaves, what kind of reputation he/she has, or if his/her breath smells like someone who has soiled socks as staple diet, or if he/she shows the itchy person a huge padlock and chain before marriage; for as long as this itchy person gets laid, and can tell people he/she got laid; or if by marrying this grotesque person can make him/her at par with married peers, then that’s it. Do or die, come what may, he/she will do it. Even if it means having to undergo mental and emotional pain and torture in the future. Even if it means kissing the other person would cause one’s mouth to incubate Escherichia coli more than a sewage tank would, or would cause one to be pulled by the nose like a cow ’til his/her death do they part.

Itchy To Know If One Is Still Marketable

This is another common itchiness. Usually but not always, this type of itchiness involves fidelity/infidelity (depending on how you look at the situation). I know of three (and of course, more) married women who are have this itch. I won’t touch on men, as you can generalise that men tend to do this more often that women. Therefore, when women do it, it would look out of the norm.

Married Woman #1 married someone of her father’s choice. For the whole decade that they’ve been married, the husband’s cheated on her, and so has she. She goes on trips alone, often with other men, usually older, sleeps in the same bed etc. Last I saw, she was on this island with a younger guy, her latest conquest. I only wonder if the guy knows she’s married.

Married Woman #2 has problems with her husband. Husband has an affair at work. So she sets out marketing herself on the Net. Soon, she hooks up with this single guy who was then going out with MW#1 above. Through deception and guile, she managed to pry this guy away from MW#1, promising his that she would soon divorce the husband and marry him. After getting the husband’s consent, she pulled out of the relationship for reasons known only to her. She’s happy now with the husband, according to friends. But she’s seen with other guys, and he’s still seen with the same woman from the work place.

Itchy To Make Money

Okay, this is more common with the female gender – single or otherwise. For the married ones, this itchiness is usually combined with the one immediately above.

They would go for anyone they think would be cash cows – single or married. If they’re running short on dough, then quickly find someone to sow, rock the bed as do boats, as someone sows his wild oats. In some cases, they would even go to the extent of forcing the man/woman to divorce their spouse, so they could end up together. Sometimes, when the itchy one is a woman, she’d make the man marry her, even though he’s already married.

Simply Itchy

This is more common in men than it is women, although I have seen women do this.

This is simply wanting to go out, conquer, get laid. They don’t really care whom with, or if the itchy person or the ones they want to get laid with are married or single. As long as they can get laid. Then they’d go to friends and talk about it. Like I said, it is a conquest to them.

So, there have you, some of the types of itchiness that are there in this world. The next time I blog will probably be from somewhere in Sarawak, a trip I have tried to avoid but fail. Somewhere out there, I know some itchy swine with a flu will be lurking in the background.

Babi betul.

Size Does NOT (really) Matter

Wifey’s been getting comments lately about her size. I know once upon a time she really puffed up to double what she is now, then because of all the problems she faced in her previous marriage, she went from super-puff to Twiggy. I think since I started going out with her until now, she must have put on about 5-10 kilos. Yup, her muffin tops are flowing over her jeans’ waist etc. And although I am equally guilty of making fun of her some times, I find her more attractive now in terms of beauty and sexuality.

And yes, I am guilty of keeping her busy in bed every night and morning and I seriously cannot recall when have I been as active as this sexually in the past two decades. She’s more delicious every single day and I find myself addicted to her, I kid you not. She’s even been declining my attempts to turn her on as she can’t cope with my demands, so much so that at times when I ask to have it doggie-style, she’d roll over and play dead.

I don’t really mind her excesses now as long as she does not grow into Shamu or something. She’s an adult and knows how big she can grow, so it is up to her best judgment when it comes to food and appetite. Of course, I’d make a quip everytime she mentions about her waistline, or how she can no longer fit into her clothes or jeans.

Recently, she’s been the target of a vicious campaign by someone in her office about her weight and looks. I’m proud of how she’s handled that situation. The remarks come from a skinny spinster who’s known for her acid tongue that I’m surprised her teeth fillings have not been dissolved, nor has she been suffering from stomach ulcer.

And Wifey is right that not all men mind the size: the late Yusni Jaafar would have looked unattractive had she been skinny. For me, what matters most would be her heart, sexual prowess and sense of sexual adventure; and last but not least, her overall hygiene…especially oral and vaginal. I wouldn’t want to kiss a woman whose mouth smells like my socks after 3 days of non-stop sweaty jogging, and making my dick smell of belacan (shrimp paste) after I withdraw.

I know some people think that I am not made for her either. I don’t have the looks – if there is any resemblance of Richard Gere in me then I’d be known as Reverse Gear rather. But I hold this motto of mine true:

Muka tak lawa takpe, janji sex gila-gila (Looks don’t matter as long as the sex is wild)

I hope my wife thinks of me the same way…haha.

The Pau That Almost Killed Me

I don’t remember which month of 1978 it was, or why had we all gone back to my dad’s hometown in Teluk Intan. All I remember about that trip was that night, I anxiously waited for my grand-uncle, Tok Ali, who really is a lot younger than my father is, to take me on his motorbike to tour the town and the banks of the Perak River. I remember asking him about the lights on the other side of the wide river.

“Sitiawan.”

Little did I know some 8 years later I would be riding a motorbike myself through the oil palm trees of that area to discover that Sitiawan would be some 40 kilometers to the north, and I was smack bang in a place called Ulu Dedap. It was really ulu then.

The next day, we left for home, but not before telling the driver of the craving for Tanjung Malim’s famous pau; therefore, a pit stop at Tanjung Malim became mandatory for that trip.

However, just after we passed Behrang, the front and rear tyres on the right exploded and the car careened. I remember the driver, the late Pakcik Ramli, push me down to the backrest (I was seated in front), and my elder sister and the maids were screaming in the backseat. Pakcik Ramli swerved the car towards an embankment in an attempt to stop the car from going into a ravine ahead of us. The car hit the embankment at around 110km/h, rolled up the embankment on its side twice, before rolling back down, landing on its tyres.

Then, everything was quiet for a while.

I came to a while later and realised I was in the rear section of the car. Everyone else were still. There was blood trickling down my face. I wiped it off and realised it wasn’t mine. I also heard the engine was hissing (or could that have been my hearing due to the loud bang). The first thing I did was to escape but I couldn’t open any of the doors. I didn’t even realise I was barefooted when I kicked the already cracked windscreen and escaped through it. I stood outside the front of the car and looked at it.

Plantation workers rushed to the scene, and some cars that were passing-by did too. Moments later, the police escorts that were escorting at the rear of my father’s car also turned back to help. One plantation worker stopped to ask me,

“Adik nampak tak accident tu? Apa jadi?”

WTF? I had blood on my head and he could ask me if I had witnessed the accident.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, all those inside the car were taken to the Tanjung Malim District Hospital before they were transferred to the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital.

As for me, the police escorts took me to have my Yik Mun pau before rushing me to the KLGH on my father’s orders. I escaped only with a few bruises, although I remember how my body ached the next day.

Four days ago, I took Wifey to Yik Mun for some pau and Hailam noodles. Oh, the car I was in when the accident happened? It was a Volvo. That’s probably why we all survived the crash.

They now have a website

Inside the Beef Curry pau

Hailam Noodles - love the taste

I Cannot Write Funny Stuff

But I would like to have Schrödinger’s cat. Or something similar.

Maybe a Schrödinger’s 250-gram-Medium-Well-Tenderloin-Steak. As in the case of the Schrödinger’s cat this would be an imaginary steak that I would put onto a plate for my dinner. If I feel full after doing that, then the steak would have been eaten. If I still feel hungry, then it would mean that the steak is still on the plate, untouched. Okay, let’s stop talking about quantum mechanics for a while. I actually feel hungry right now and I blame it on El Nino. It has caused the weather to be very hot that I have been drinking a lot and without the mood to eat anything. Now, at almost midnight, I feel very hungry.

Wifey tagged me early today after she was tagged by her friend, DNAS. The rules of this tag is as follows:

o Write five (5) interesting facts about the person who gave you this award.
o Jot down ten (10) interesting facts about yourself or your hobbies.
o Pick your ten (10 or less) most deserving recipients and describe them.
o Leave a comment on the recipients’ blog to tell them they’ve been tagged.
o Paste the award badge in your sidebar. (This I cannot do. I am NOT on Blogspot.)
o Have fun

This was what Wifey wrote about me:

The Diver – aka John F Seademon, aka The Demon, aka my beloved hubby. Fresh out of my divorce, I bumped into his blog, and it was the first time that I actually CRIED reading some guy’s blog. Cheh. He’s an excellent writer, funny and witty and ridiculously smart. I envy him. And he has a memory of an elephant.

Part One – The 5 Interesting Things About Wifey

1. She’s a superb cook. Cooking is a therapy for her. A disaster for me. I will always find it difficult to resist eating her cooking because of two reasons: a) they are always good, 2) she’d sulk if I didn’t touch her cooking.

2. She writes very well. I always tell her that she writes better than I do, but she would always insist that it is the other way round. Her writings are much more articulated than mine are. I may have lots of ideas to pen, but when it comes to actually writing them, Wifey beats me hands down.

3. She’s a “brand” person…besides being a “branding” person. She knows her brands. I only know Brand’s Essence of Chicken.

4. When I first dated her, she was known as an anti-outdoorsey. You will never catch her doing stuff outside. When we first planned to go to an island back in May 2008, she would whine about the fact that she hated the sea, and that the sea would spoil her hair. When I came back from my first dive of the trip, she was missing, and there was no way I could go back to the room.

Guess where she went?

Snorkeling.

10 months later she did her first scuba dive.

5. Whenever the alarm goes off in the morning, she put it on snooze, turn to face me, and hug me in her sleep. We’d always be late for work.

Part Two – 10 Interesting Facts About Me

How can anything be interesting about me?

1. I started this blog so that it could be a journal for my dive trips. I write more on other things than I actually do on diving.

2. I was trained to kill, but I can cry watching America’s Got Talent. Crap!

3. I write better when I am sitting on the porcelain throne. As crap gets dumped, more crap gets churned out inside my head.

4. Since I started working, I have worked in an airline, the air force, the security industry, the telecommunications sector, underwater, and as at present, the oil and gas industry.

5. I like to read anything that has to do with history, current affairs, space exploration…basically anything non-fiction that has to do with those mentioned topics.

6. I have been to the North Pole back in 1998.

7. I was the first person to organise and perform a BASE-jump in Malaysia.

8. I still cannot believe I am married to Wifey. She had the hots for my father when I got to know of her.

9. I have a nickname for each of my children given based on some weird thing or event.

10. I love to drive fast. Period.

Part 3 – And The Award Goes To:

1. Wifey – the rule did not say that I cannot tag the person who tagged me. But I love this woman very much. (Kena bodek…malam-malam nak pakai, bhai!)

2. Aiz – I met her the first time during Burger Night. She may be the ultimate drama queen (aren’t all Srikandis are?) but I love hr blog.

3. DNAS – Minah yang seemingly garang except when she’s baking cupcakes. It’s hard to believe that she is actually in the IT-sector.

4. Mat Gebu – this mysterious person, whom I . through deductive reasoning, think lives somewhere in Johor, and lives to cook. He seems to be a very good cook, a very creative person, and is the source of my midnight hunger pangs. I would love to meet this guy.

5. Mocha – a dive buddy of mine who is now on his final leg of his tour in the army.

So guys, please copy this image and put it on your side bar.

award

Six Months Into The Year

Do you know that porn websites are the biggest culprits in spreading viruses to your computer? Imagine watching Pamela Anderson blow Tommy Lee and suddenly your computer has the cyberspace version of an STD.

Seriously, I don’t know what to write about. I sometimes think that I have lost my ability to write freely since having to write things structurally…like project papers, or briefs, or management reports and so on. Ever since my return from Tioman last Wednesday, I have been asked by my boss to prepare a management report for the Board of Directors meeting due in over a week, I have to prepare an organisational chart, as well as basis for posts, and job descriptions for the senior managements and executives of a subsidiary; I have been given this 3-inch thick Invitation To Bid, to study the technical specifications of the vessels required by this bid, and HUNT for the vessels required; I have been asked to coordinate with other departments and subsidiaries, as well as sister companies for the upcoming Oil & Gas Asia 2009 exhibition come Wednesday. On top of that, I have to identify the courses I have to attend that are relevant to what I am doing; I have to negotiate with shipyards, shipbuilders, as well as ships’ brokers; and do my day to day job of managing the operations of the company and its assets.

I seriously wish I could clone myself.

Ever since coming back from my BOSIET-course, my boss has made plans for me: to not only be the Operations Manager as what I now am, but also THE Corporate HSE Manager (BOSIET stands for Basic Offshore Safety Induction and Emergency Training). And all this because when applying for my BOSIET course, I insisted on going for the OPITO and OLF-approved one (OPITO is the Offshore Petroleum Industry Training Organization based in the UK while OLF is Oljearbeidernes Fellessammenslutning, or the Norwegian Oil Industry Association), simply because I want whatever I do to be recognised globally, and not just by the national oil company. Soon, I’ll be doing courses like NEBOSH, Major Emergencies Assessment for Offshore Installation Managers, HSE Auditor and, last but not least, Accidents Investigations. No, I am not positioning myself as a Rig Manager-to-be, but just so that it would add value to the company, and our blue-eyed-blond-haired drilling partners would not have any holes to squirm through just so that they can dismiss their brown-skinned partners as inferior beings. Most importantly, the qualifications would enable me to do my job better whenever I am required to “visit” any of our rigs or vessels.

I will still find time to do what I love most – being underwater; and apart from the occasional visits to the rigs and vessels, I will still not be required to stay back late in the office.

I may have more than tons to do now compared to what it was like half a year ago; but receiving my bonus after only a month and a half of being with the company, and my recent 25 33 percent pay hike, probably means the company, or at least my boss, recognises me for my abilities and capabilities.

And best of all, I still get to spend time with my family daily…and go diving during my free time.