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June 8th And The After-Effects

I often wonder why is it a lot easier for me to get into KL dring peak hours nowadays since the fuel price hike. Apparently, DBKL has reported a 2% drop in the number of cars entering KL since the fuel price hike, when in May, it averaged at 561,000 cars. Public transportation companies on the other hand have reported an increase in passenger volume.

Jalan Imbi stretch - The Star
Jalan Imbi stretch during rush hour last week – The Star

The photo above was taken by The Star Thursday last week at 5.30pm after a heavy downpour. That stretch, to me, is the deadliest, and one of the reasons I do not like driving into KL especially after a downpour – yet, traffic was smooth there. The dreadful crawl before PWTC coming from Pak Leman too is a lot shorter, and gone before 8pm, whereas before June 8th, my blood pressure would have a bigger jump than the fuel price hike.

So…the recent fuel hike IS good for my blood pressure.

Unfortunately it isn’t.

Generally, people drive slower. Personally, I think that is fine until someone decides that the fast lane on the highway is for driving at 110km/h. No, it isn’t for driving at 110km/h. It is for overtaking. And once you have overtaken the car in front of you, move back to the center lane and make way for faster cars. Last night, there was this eagle-eyed Beemer (Beemer lagi!) in the fast lane doing 85km/h. And I got exasperated because he was going as fast as the lori babi in the center lane. What made it worse was the car behind me was flashing his beam, and I retaliated by flashing my middle finger. He pulled up alongside me and flashed his middle-finger. It was a guy wearing kopiah who must have overdosed on his Harakah and pissed off because Mas Idayu and Ella got to perform at the Malawati Stadium. He then went back behind me and tailgated. So I had no choice but to pull my handbrake. The car behind him almost hit him – but after that he kept his distance…like way back.

At a toll plaza, this guy drove ever so slowly and, without turning on his indicator light, started veering from the left-most lane, into the right-most where the Smart Tag lane is. At the last moment, he veered back left into a ticket lane. How annoying.

Then somewhere near Ampang yesterday, I heard a loud noise. it sounded very much like a fogging machine. It was a Proton Saga with an exhaust that has a hole the size where an elephant bull’s private member might fit in snugly. He overtook me and entered my lane ahead of me, then slowed down to 30km/h – on a dual carriageway. And he had the most annoying array of little Manchester United jerseys hanging on the rear screen. Then I overtook the car to have a look at the driver. He was wearing a Manchester United jersey. He must have been on his way to a certain Craven Cafe thinking EPL is on and not Euro 2008. He’s probably from a certain boarding school in Melaka or something because only people from there are capable of having that kind of limited IQ…going to KFC and orders a Big Mac.

Anyway, I have identified several routes to get to Yummy Baby‘s place. The farthest is 35km (toll: RM4.50 return), second is 33km (toll is RM6.70 ONE WAY), and third is 32km (toll is RM7.40 ONE WAY). At 2km/Ringgit, I’d go for the distance, unless KLites start to drive again and jam up all the roads like pre-8th June.

Dang! RM50 isn’t worth anything anymore nowadays.

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Monday 23rd June

it’s been a year since I last spoke to my parents and siblings on a happy note, as well as face to face.

I am my family now. I, alone.

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The Fog

How many of you actually believe in the supernatural? How many of you have actually seen ghosts?

I was about 5 when I saw a ghost in the form of a scary looking old woman when we were staying in this old government quarters in Melaka. My father used to lock me inside this storeroom. It was pitch black because it didn’t have any window. And this old woman would appear behind me.

I learnt much later that almost all, including my father, had encountered this apparition.

The quarters we lived in when my father was the Inspector-General of Police was equally haunted. We’d hear of rapping within the walls, my bed was tossed about ala The Exorcist, and something would fly part the window.

Have you had your own encounters? Tell us about it.

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Lonely Dinner

There we were having dinner at Le Meridien. She looked superb as always, with her usual sweet smile she throws at me. I was in my scuba t-shirt and Garson track bottom and slippers.

The waiter came to serve our order of Giant’s instant noodles. I know it looks cheap for such a place but I attribute that to my craving. As we were about to start eating, my daughter Nisaa appeared next to me.

“Ayah, nak tissue,” she began. I was like, when on earth did I bring Nisaa along on this el-cheapo romantic dinner?

“Ayah, nak tissue.”

I thought this can’t be real. Her voice was louder than everyone else’s in the restaurant put together. I closed my eyes, then re-opened. It was almost pitch dark. There she was, eyes closed saying, “Ayah, nak susu.”

I reluctantly got up, half-wishing I could still go back to that dream, back to Yummy Baby whom I miss but alas, I have to return to reality.

Back to the perils of single-parenthood.

(This post was made using my new Nokia N95 phone and posted from Ah Pek Kopitiam using its wifi connection)

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Flying In A Blue Dream

I remember one day at the Aéroport international de Genève – Cointrin, while waiting for our flight to Amsterdam, Isyam Swardi and I were humming this song as it played on my phone:

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Aku, Iblis, Synchronicity et al

Heureux Hasard.

Lain yang aku cari, lain yang aku dapat yang lebih menguntungkan. Dalam bahasa yang dibawa oleh Karl Gustav Jung – Serendipity, yang bukannya sebuah safara-as-safari untuk melihat gajah-gajah mengawan di sebalik perdu taugeh dan sebagainya di bumi Afrika. Begitulah cara aku membuat kesimpulan mengenai hubungan aku dengan Yummy Baby.

Dalam diam aku duduk menung dalam bilik tandas yang serba…errr…serba-serbi ini, aku terperasan akan satu bayangan hitam yang muncul di belakangku.

“Woi!” bunyi suara kuat menjerkahku. “Hahahahahaha!”

“Cipet la kau, Iblis. Aku tengah contraction ni dan kini dalam labour untuk mengeluarkan by-product lunch dan dinner yang aku makan hari ini,” maki aku kepada Iblis. “Dah lah muncul dari belakang orang yang tengah berak.”

“Aku rasa baik aku yang muncul di belakang engkau semasa engkau berak daripada Brother Anwar ataupun lain-lain kaum kerabat engkau dari MCKK,” jawab Iblis.

“Loyar buruk pulak lu, Iblis,” perli aku. “Iblis pun reti joke ke?”

“Dah tengah bulan ni mana aku ada duit nak beli loyar baru,” jawab Iblis dengan nada bersahaja. “Ni, aku bawak mamat ni untuk kita berdialog bersama.”

Dari dalam bakul sampah yang Yummy Baby gunakan untuk membuang pad, muncul seorang mamat berkaca mata. Aku dengan segera mengenali wajah tersebut: Karl Gustav Jung.

“Elok la jugak kau bawak mamat ni ke dalam jamban ni sambil aku cuba nak berak,” aku mengerutkan dahiku kepada Iblis. “Sebelum aku masuk topik Karl Jung, aku nak sampaikan soalan dari Mr Gem Odorono Corleone yang dimajukan kepada aku tempoh hari. Dia nak tahu sesuatu daripada engkau.”

“Apa dia?” tanya Iblis dengan penuh minat.

“When God created Man, God wanted somone to look over Man, so God decided to create Mother. Mr Devil also wanted someone of his choice to look over Man, so God created Wife. Is this true?” tanya aku.

“Hahahahaahah! Memang betholll!!! 10 markah kepada pasukan Gem Odorono Corleone!” jawab Iblis. “Kalau tidak, takkan Adam begitu banyak masalah dia sampai kena tendang keluar dari Jannah!”

“Kau biar betul, Iblis! Kau mengaku kau boleh buat manusia ke?” aku sergah.

“Eh, tak! Tak! Masa Firaun mengaku dia al-Malikul Mulk pun aku cakap kat Tuhan ini bukan kerja aku. Aku tak akan suruh orang syirik terhadap Allah!” jawab Iblis cemas.

“Jadi apa halnya dengan si Karl Jung ni?” tanya aku sambil cuba meneran semula taik yang terencat dan termasuk semula.

“Dia kata aku dan engkau ada semacam synchronicity.”

“Apakah yang kau maksudkan itu wahai Karl Jung?” tanya aku kepada Karl Jung.

Sambil menyalakan tembakau di paipnya, Karl Jung mula berkata, “Aku ingin menulis mengenai influence Iblis dalam analytical psychology, aku ternampak engkau. Bila aku berceramah mengenai analytical psychology, antara mereka yang menghadiri lecture aku ialah Iblis. Kemudian engkau muncul sebagai guest speaker. Bila aku berjumpa dengan engkau berdua, topicnya mesti berkisar mengenai analytical psychology.”

“Oi, Iblis. Orang tua ni dah mula merepek dan aku nak kena berak jugak. Kalau tidak aku yang psycho sebab anal retention. Kau bawak dia balik sebelum aku berak kat muka engkau.”

“Owh,” jawab Iblis, hampa. “Jadi kita tidak akan berdialog secara intelligent pada malam ini?”

Aku lepaskan satu das kentut yang berbau walaupun bukannya killer application yang dihasilkan oleh laxative yang dimakan oleh Yummy Baby yang hampir membuatku mati kelemasan dan jubin-jubin di dalam bilik mandi slide ke bawah.

“Okay, okay, I get the idea,” jawab Iblis cemas. “Jom Karl, kita sembang benda gila dengan Nietszche kat neraka. Mungkin akan ada topik baru dengan mamat tu.”

Karl Jung dengan segera padamkan api tembakaunya dan masuk semula ke dalam bakul sampah tadi.

PTUING…akhirnya…ledakan najis bermula dalam suasana aman.

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Senjakala

Cross at Sunset - Freefoto

Kimi: jom jogging
Kimi: buang itu 25kg anugerah terindah
SeaDemon: takpe…kirim aje
SeaDemon: dalam senja hidup ni biarlah kehidupan berlalu tanpa perlu bersakit-sakitan
Kimi: hahahaha
Kimi: biarlah senja berlalu dgn indah..dari dia dtg sekelip mata

Aku tidak lagi habituated kepada jogging maka aku lebih cenderung untuk mengalami sakit lutut, sakit pinggang, synovitis, arthritis dan sebagainya. Aku jogging aku sakit, aku tak jogging pun aku sakit.

Dan sihat macam mana pun satu hari nanti kita mampus jua…

Baik aku duduk diam-diam, makan ubat-ubatan, dan sokong industri perubatan negara.

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How This Blog Came About

I still remember that day, July 1st 2005. Getting away from the boredom and tension of being in the nation’s most-favoured multinational company, my colleagues Niels and Andy, and a friend of mine, Ismail Othman, boarded the first Malaysia Airlines flight to Kota Bharu for a four-day break in Perhentian. From Kota Bharu airport, we took a cab down to Kuala Besut, then straight to Perhentian by boat.

Seahorse back in 2005

Even though I was in Perhentian three and a half months before that for my daughters’ Open Water Diver course, it would be my first time diving with Seahorse Dive Center. On arrival, Ismail, Andy, Niels and I went to dive at Batu Nisan. Later that night, Kimi joined us and stayed with us at Seahorse’s dormitory (that very dorm has now made way for what is now the Seahorse Cafe – nice food there, people).

Ismail and Niels at Batu Nisan

I was initially worried because Niels, coming from Germany, may have had a different perspective of what or how an accommodation should be like, so I was a bit apprehensive about the condition of the dorm. But he was cool about staying in a dorm that had only one window, wooden double-deckers, thin mattresses, one attached bathroom and one table fan, with only a 12-hour daily electricity supply. But I guess it was the company that mattered most, as it did during my trip with Yummy Baby, Gem Odorono Corleone, Herbivore Girl, Abang Rina, Betch President, Gombak4Life and Liverpool Babe.

Niels is a legal person. To me, he is funny and good fun, although some found him to be pushy. I can’t blame him because being a German, the motto macht mit einer großen Kanone Qualität counts. Andy is an avid topside photographer, meticulous and very detailed (redundant repetition?). He is very quiet at times, especially when he is engrossed with his work, but can deliver a mean joke from time to time. Ismail and Kimi were my daughters’ open water diver coursemates, but Kimi became my buddy when we went to Redang two months before the Perhentian trip.

I went for a night dive at Batu Nisan after which we had dinner at Abdul’s and it was fun. We slept fine that night as it rained heavily.

Me ascending from Secret Reef

I woke up the next morning at 7am. Birgit Weber, the resident instructor and my Facebook friend was busy sweeping the floor with the statuesquely beautiful Divemaster, Larissa. Both Larissa and Birgit are Niels’s compatriots. We did the deepest dive first that morning at the Secret Reef, followed by another dive at Tukun Laut. In the afternoon, a member of the Singapore Marine Police, Jessie Tan, who was doing her Master Scuba Diver course did a dive with us at Tanjung Basi.

Kimi and Birgit on the way back from Secret Reef

That night again we had dinner at Abdul before retiring.

The next morning, Larissa DMed us to Sugar Wreck. Niels buddied with Andy, Kimi and I, while Ismail, with the least number of dives, buddied with Larissa. During a simple penetration of the wreck’s cargo holds, Ismail was lost and had followed another group of divers. Then when we went to the top of the wreck to do our safety stop, Larissa panicked when she could not find Ismail. She was wide-eyed. I signalled for her to calm down. I then signalled to the rest to continue with their safety stop and surface when they were done. I then guided Larissa back to the wreck to search for Ismail. With our air running low, we had to surface – and there was Ismail, already in the dive boat, and he had followed his “lost buddy procedure” as briefed by the DM. The final dive of the trip was done at Sea Belle Rock…it is one of the places I hardly dive at, but is a very good dive site.

Andy underwater

After the dive, I thought I’d play a prank and tell people I saw a Hammerhead underwater and took a picture of it.

Hammerhead in Perhentian

I did see a Hammerhead; I just did not say it was a Hammerhead shark. It was after this that Andy quipped that I was a Nitrogen narcosis addict, and Kimi said maybe we ought to start a blog or website to write about our dive adventures. That was how Narcaholic was born.

It was a good trip with great friends – and because of that trip, I got to make lots of new friends through this blog, and meet my Yummy Baby

Birgit is no longer there. She is now with a dive center in Perhentian Kecil. Larissa last I heard broke-off with her boyfriend, James, and is now an instructor in the Maldives. Andy is now on his own doing photography and talks; Niels has also left the company and is now working elsewhere in KL; Ismail is missing in action; Kimi still comments on this blog, although I have not dived with him since March 2006.

Seahorse is now a double-storey dive center, and is still as busy as it was back then, and is still my favourite dive center in the Perhentians.

Seahorse Dive Center in 2008

The life...