I remember looking at this painting done by Fretty Frincess that was displayed at my friend’s restaurant. It was 12 weeks and 1 day today. It was one day before I left for Sipadan.
Somehow I can connect to this painting. Fretty Frincess named this painting “Innocence.” To me, it is a part of me that has disappeared somehow. Along with the disappearance of innocence were the disappearances of hope, dreams, and the meaning of life itself. Those are accompanied by pain, pain, and more pain.
There was a time when I could not walk if I did not look at the grounds on where I was treading. Driving was like me being a horse wearing its fly mask – always avoiding the sights of certain places that would cause my heart to crumple like an empty can of Bud in a wrestler’s grip.
Then, on Chirstmas Eve of 2007, all that changed. Suddenly, I felt alive again. Suddenly, there was hope again. Suddenly, innocence made its presence again. As it goes in Avril Lavigne’s song of the same title:
This innocence is brilliance – I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect – Please don’t go away
I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it
Don’t you let it pass you byI found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it’s so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I’m so happy here
It’s so strong and now I let myself be sincere
The only question that played on my mind was – “How long will this last, then?”
And with each passing day, I know the shining sun will have to set eventually.
And true enough, soon, I will be left alone here – again, to be by myself.
To face those familiar sights that would soon be empty.
To only be able to recall the laughter, the warmth, the huggies and the kissies.
To only reminisce on the good times that have come and gone.
To once again wallow in pain,
pain,
and more pain…
SeaDemon Says 