Day: April 16, 2008

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Kimek Punya Barua

2004 Honda Accord

Hari ni memang hari cipet.

Dah lah aku stress pagi tadi disebabkan sebab-sebab yang bodoh, dan tidak ada yang lagi bodoh dari yang bodoh ini jadi tolong saya, ya Tuhan. Tiba-tiba tadi di tengah-tengah NKVE, ada la satu kimek ni yang bawak Honda Accord 2004 bernombor pendaftaran WMV2277, memandu dalam lorong memotong paling kanan dengan kelajuan tidak melebihi 80 kilometer sejam.

Aku tengok aje la mamat cipet ni bawak kereta punya perlahan. Tak mengapalah. Aku ingatkan dia akan memotong kereta di sebelah kirinya…namun meleset. Kimek ni hanyalah sama laju dengan kereta di sebelah kiri. Dah berkoyan-koyan kereta beratur di belakang aku kasi lampu tinggi kat aku. Lalu aku pun menyampaikan pesanan pemandu-pemandu di belakang dengan memberikannya lampu tinggi sekali. Kepala butoh ni dengan tak semena-mena perlahankan kenderaannya tetapi tidak memberi ruang untuk aku memotong dari sebelah kiri.

“Bastard!” bahagian otak aku yang lebih beragama mula berkata. Lalu aku rapatkan lagi bahagian hadapan kereta aku ke belakang keretanya. Dia enggan berganjak. Bila aku dapat peluang memotong langsung aku memotong dari sebelah kiri. Kimek ni boleh kasi aku lampu tinggi pulak dan aku, disebabkan jarak sudah mula jauh dan suara aku mungkin tak sampai ke keretanya, gunakan jari tengahku sebagai bahasa isyarat.

Semasa menaiki Bukit Lanjan, kenderaan di hadapan mula perlahan. Kimek ni kemudiannya berada di belakang aku sambil memasang lampu tinggi. Aku tarik brek tangan dan kimek tu brek dengan cemas, sambil memetik-metik lampu tingginya, sambil cuba berlumba dengan aku.

Aku pun tak kasi peluang. Aku terus pecut meninggalkan barua tersebut di belakang.

“Eat shit, you dickhead,” kata ulama dalam otakku.

Memanglah.

Hari ni memang ramai orang yang bersikap lagi teruk dari butoh.

Sorry la aku banyak mencarut hari ni. Ya, aku sedang cool sebenarnya.

Cuba tengok aku bila aku tengah hot.

Pundek.

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Tragedi Si Baghal Mata Juling Dari Sebuah Sub-Benua

2004.

Si Baghal Bermata Juling cuba berdalih-dalih apabila aku ajukan persoalan kenapa perisian (software) yang dilaporkan siap sebenar-benarnya tidak lagi siap…malah satu benda yang sepatutnya telah lama siap, tidak pernah disudahkan oleh mereka-mereka yang datang dari sebuah sub-benua bersebelahan negara Parsi.

Maka keluarlah segala alasan dalam bahasa Ingggeris yang kaya dengan sabdu yang tebal sehingga menyukarkan aku memahami apa yang dipertuturkan oleh si Baghal Bermata Juling tersebut.

Lantas aku bahasakannya dengan kata-kata yang lebih kesat hinggakan terguris perasaannya sepertimana seseorang mencuci berak menggunakan kertas pasir nombor 4. Tetapi aku rasa fikiran aku itu meleset sebab mukanya bak sardin sahaja.

Memang cilakak! Dia boleh buat derk aje setelah berkajang perkataan yang aku luahkan.

Aku mesti kenakan jugak si Baghal Bermata Juling ini.

Lalu aku menengking, “LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!”

Dengan muka bodoh dan kepala yang berguling-guling, si Baghal Bermata Juling pun berkata dengan nada sedih, “But I am looking at you.”

Matanya satu memandang kepada rakan di sebelahku, yang satu lagi memang off-tangent terus.

Memang baghal.

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Koreking The Past: Dogs In Islam – Part 3

The following is an e-mail comment I received from a friend who is a Syariah Lawyer:

Yes, you are right. Issue of what is right or wrong seems to be blurred by those who claim to be the keepers of knowledge in Islam.

In actual fact, even the major scholars ( and by this I mean “major” in the sense that they are accepted by all as Muslim Scholars) whose school of thought were documented and of which there are their respective followers, never and I repeat never said that their fellow brethren scholars were wrong where there exist different opinions of thought.

What we all forget is that Islam and the holy Quran which was brought to the Prophet s.a.w was meant for all time and to last till the end of time at that.

Its flexible and subject to interpretation. They are traditional ways of interpretation such as ihjtihad, ijma and qiyas but this does not separate logic and common sense in anyway. That’s the reason the all mighty had given us that little grey matter between our heads.

As for dogs, yes they are creatures of the all mighty just like you and me, the little piggy down the street and the Imams and self righteous people of this world. So who is to say that one is impure and the other is not save for the express decree of god where applicable. If you are to keep dogs, just make sure that hygiene is maintained and that the dogs do no harm to your neighbours/the community at large by attacking them etc!!

At the end of the day, the only person to judge would be the all mighty and no one else. So to each his own.

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Koreking The Past: Dogs In Islam – Part 1

I wrote this on 8th February 2007:

Alsatian...man's best friend

When I was a student in the UK, I used to take my neighbour’s dogs for walkies. I even pat them. My fellow Malaysian Malay Muslims would cringe and ask if I am a Muslim.

Dogs are being labeled as najasah (dirty impurity) by Muslims who take the words of so-called scholars (Ulama’) as something inscribed in stone, without once refering to what God has said in the al-Quran about dogs. The fact is God reated every living thing on this earth as belonging to an ummah (community). So human beings, cats, dogs, pigs are all of one community that was created to be subservient to the One God. There is no distinction between these creatures as to whether a pig is more pure than a human being, or if a cat is better than a dog. The fact is, dogs have been mentioned in the al-Quran several times…5 times if I read correctly.

The concept of a dog being dirty came about with false hadiths claiming that the Prophet (pbuh) ordered the killing of dogs and that dogs can only be kept for the purpose of guarding and hunting, due to their dirty status. If Muslims are able to read the Quran, then such hadith should be decreed as lies fabricated to ridicule the Prophet (pbuh).

God tells us in the Quran about the story of the dwellers of the Cave (Surah 18)……in verse 13 God tells us that they were good believers and that God guided them. In verse 18 God tells us that they had their dog with them. Now if dogs are prohibited and dirty, would God speak of those dwellers of the Cave (who had a dog) as good believers?

In 5:4 God tells us that it is OK to eat what the trained dogs catch (dogs are used in hunting)……….if dogs are dirty would God say that it is OK to eat what they catch with their mouths.In 5:4, God said:

“They consult you concerning what is lawful for them; say, Lawful for you are all good things, including what trained dogs and falcons catch for you. You train them according God’s teachings. You may eat what they catch for you, and mention God’s name thereupon. You shall observe God. God is most efficient in reckoning.”

Islam is a way of life. It is when it is being given the brand of a religion that its followers have gone bonkers and come up with lots of ridiculous hogwash taboos. Imagine this: in the Shafie school of thoughts, a dog is impure and therefore anything that it touchs requires a massive cleaning operation that is 6 times with water and one time with dust/clay-water. Now…if the Arabs have hunting dogs and a dog retrieves a bird that has been shot, imagine what clay-water would do to the taste of the bird. According to Imam Malik’s school of thoughts, a dog is not impure. You can touch it, you can hug it, it will not affect your wudu’ (ablution).

So whose Islam is right? Malik’s or Shafie’s? Don’t we all pray to the same God? And what did God say about who is a Muslim? Isn’t it about abiding to the five pillars of Islam (Rukun Islam)? And what about the six pillars of Faith (Rukun Iman)? What do they say?

The first is to believe in God’s Lordship,Oneness (Entity concept) and Attributes; second is to believe in His Angels; third is to believe in His books (the Quran, the Bible, the Torah and Zabur (Psalms of David); fourth is to believe in all His Messengers…25 main ones in all; fifth is to believe in the Day of Resurrection; and lastly, to believe in Fate and Divine Decree.

But as “believers” we chose not to believe in His books; what we choose to believe instead is in the sayings and writings of certain scholars whom have intepreted the Quran and hadith according to their own whims and fancies.

Back to dogs, one laughable taboo is the dog is so impure that if you were to allow dogs in your home, the Angels wouldn’t enter your house to bless it..much like garlic is to Count Dracula, or cats to Imhotep, the Mummy. But to my surprise, one Angel seems to have some kind of immunity towards dogs and still enters the home of believers and non-believers alike to take away their life.

Because we, the Muslims, have rejected God’s Quran, therefore we live in obscurity and backwardness. And we blow people up, treat women like slaves, and tell people how great we are.

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As I Reminisce

Life has been funny. There were times last year that I felt like ending this life; then as I learnt to believe in happiness, sadness hit me squarely in the face; without reason too. I mean, I never learnt the reason for that particular sadness. I guess I never will, as I have been told that I will never be able to understand the reason behind the sadness, as no one will ever be able to understand how heartbroken I was then, and how excruciatingly torturous it was for me to go through those silent days, not knowing what the future had in store for me then. It was then that I confided in someone, although I, in turn, never expected that person to understand. But after tonight, I am happy because of that someone.

Anyway, it is 2.43am. I had a skipped heartbeat earlier tonight and about 20 minutes ago I had a bit of chest pains. Stress? Maybe. I don’t know. All I know is my son Farhan has pulled my blanket off me while sleeping.

Was at Aiz’s and Din’s the previous night. The food was great, the venue superb, the company excellent.

Lima Puluh Satu
The owners cannot recognise numbers in numerical form

Aiz/Din's crib
The place

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