Nisaa Goes Bowling

Hana, Iqa and Nisaa are the only ones left at home while Fazira is back in Kedah to be with the mother during the school holidays, and Farhan and Alim are at their maternal grandmother’s place in Klang. Both Hana and Iqa were looking bored. Hana will be joining Fazira in Kedah on Sunday, while Iqa has lots of assignments to be completed over the holidays. Nisaa has been karaokeing in her sister’s room, singing songs like POP YEH YEH.

As I shall be leaving for the island tonight, I thought maybe it’s best to take Hana and Iqa bowling, while Nisaa tags along.

Nisaa
Nisaa all eager to bowl

Nisaa
I can’t wait for my turn

Iqa
It’s Kak Iqa’s turn

Ayah
It’s Ayah’s turn

Hana
It’s Kak Hana’s turn

Nisaa
It should be my turn after this

Kids
Eh, why is it Kak Iqa’s turn again?

Nisaa
It was boring waiting for my turn

Nisaa
The End

Good Morning

Tomorrow I’ll be heading for the island. In my group will be Gemgem, Betch President, Gombak4Life, Yummy Baby, Abang Rina, Liverpool Babe, and Herbivore Girl; while convoying with us will be Deepblu, Shafi, Rocket and a few others I have not identfied. In all, the group that will be in the convoy may exceed 15 people. Good news from Boatman is that they are ready to receive us, and there will be a seafood BBQ dinner on the final night. Liverpool Babe and Gombak4Life will be going underwater for the first time, and I hope to follow them. I can hardly wait to get back underwater, back to my lair, my realm.

And why is this a good morning? Because I woke up to a smiling face that greeted me,

“Good morning, Baby.”

It definitely is. How can it be otherwise?

The First Night (And All The Myths Attached To It)

caught on the first night

Do you remember your first night? Well, if you are not married then I shall rephrase that to: Do you remember the first time you did it? But I will just talk about the first night after the wedding, and this posting is applicable to couples who did not do a test-drive prior to the wedding.

Do you know that according to the malay custom, there are 44 pre-marital taboo items? Among them are:

Bride and groom should not meet each other for 40 days to avoid being talked about, and to avoid sexual intercourse,
Do not eat rice with gravy to avoid the tummy getting bloated before the wedding,
Do not pee or dump crap into a watery body (such as lakes and rivers) for fear it may weaken the sexual organ (male),
Do not masturbate,
Read the Quran a lot to deter Satan’s whispers

and lots of other crappy stuff that you have to abide or forever be condemned to an impotent life. it sounds as if the malay male population comprises of sex maniacs…not that I am complaining about this stereotyping of the malay male.

There would always be jokes made about the first night, like how edgy the new husband is that when in sleep the wife’s elbow would hit him whenever she turns to reposition herself, the husband would wake up immediately and go, “Awat, Yang? Nak-nak la ni ka?”, or, “Nak bagi mai seliang lagi ka?”

And of course there would be that joke about how sexually-driven they would be that by the end of the honeymoon period, the husband would go, I’m cumminggggggggggggggg……..”, then PUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!, only wind would come out.

I couldn’t get leave for my first wedding. I was still at work on the eve of my wedding, then rushed off to Alor Setar, stayed at the Grand Continental Hotel, and got married the next morning. The celebration went on all night with the Wayang Kulit Asun guys performing. I was so tired because I had not slept for two nights because of work that I fell asleep and nothing happened that first night…an omen perhaps. I know I got up late the next morning, rested for a while, and then rushed back to office later that day because I started work the following day.

And one of the taboos of the first night is: NEVER ALLOW ANYONE INTO THE BRIDAL CHAMBER SO NO ONE CAN DO ANYTHING BAD TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM. This is so true. A relative of mine got married at the kampung and while he and the wife were having dinner, my cousins and I decided to transfer the public address system’s microphone into the room, placed beneath the bed. As they banged away that night, we turned on the amplifier. Imagine how well sound travel in the dead of the night in a very silent kampung.

Some couples like sex with each other so much that even after they are divorced, they maintain sexual contact. It is weird, bordering to sick. Sometimes they each have a partner, but still meet up for old times sake. Sometimes it is the ex-husband who, while having married another wife, wants to prove to the ex-wife that he can be just and fair to them both; so has the best of both worlds by being able to screw his current and ex wives. Well, I don’t know what you women think, but it is always the guy who gets to have the best fuck after all.

Anyway, for those who have just gotten married, please fuck like rabbits, and stay married so you can fuck like rabbits. At least that way you keep each other happy, tire yourself out, and have little or no chance to look for others to mate.

And remember…don’t eat a chicken’s head so you don’t fall asleep during bersanding!

A Morning Without Reason, A Posting Without Structure

Nisaa got up at 7am, about half an hour ago, asking for a bottle of milk. Only she and I are in this room. Farhan and Alim are in Hana’s and Iqa’s room, while Fazira has gone back to Kedah to be with her mom this school holidays. I feel a bit guilty for not taking them anywhere for holidays this year, but it would be somewhat difficult to handle 6 kids single-handedly without a mother tagging along. I have experienced this last year when I (had no choice and) took them to Pulau Bidong with me – minus the maid. All of us slept in tents, weathered a full-blown storm one of the nights, that saw some other tents fly off in the middle of the night; my kids slept soundly. Must be because of the pleasant cool ambience created by the storm. But it isn’t easy being a father and mother at the same time, juggling the kids needs, and the fact that I had to do my job underwater all at the same time.

And here I am, at home, as both their father and mother, at 7.40am, still awake after getting up at 5.30am for that dreadful drive back home.

In two days time, I shall immerse myself in sea water again. It has been more than two months since I went on a recreational dive trip; and the last time I was at an exotic island location somewhere was diving because of work. I need to go back underwater to look at the fishes…just look at them whizzing by without any apparent thought of where to go and what-not. Just swim and eat.

I am normally cranky when I do not get to dive for more than a month; Yummy Baby got the brunt of that the other day. However, she was quick to soothe this troubled aquatic soul. For a long, long time I have never had anyone who could calm me down and make me smile. I may be biased, but it is true. It’s one of her ways to winning my heart – her warm and sincere smile, apart from being a great cook, that is. The way to a man’s heart (well, at least mine) is through his tummy; not by putting on porn movies on the DVD player (although complemented by good food would result in a back-breaking but wonderfully delicious night). I don’t know. I have yet to watch porn while eating. I can’t imagine having sambal tumis petai and white rice on my private part. That would be disastrously acrid in taste for some people. Coming back to the track, no one has ever showered me with so much love as the one I now receive from Yummy Baby; and the good thing is, she’s genuine and she is not married. So the danger of being talked into marriage and dumped some months later is very remote.

Another issue that is giving out acrid smoke is the increase in world crude oil price. The government is talking about reviewing the oil subsidy – a smoke-screen term for “let’s increase fuel price.” Can’t blame them. It is beyond their control. However, they should take steps in making people use NGV more, since we produce a lot of NGV. Then decree that ALL PETRONAS stations sell NGV.

The loss of the Pulau Batu Puteh is now hotly debated in the Parliament. Some opposition MPs have lodged a police report against the Attorney-General for his failure to win the case. Some cited the fact that now the livelihood of the Johor fishermen will be affected. Silly. I simply fail to comprehend their grasp of local history. The stupid fucks we elected should realise that no Johor fishermen have been allowed to fish in the areas of the Pulau Batu Puteh, Middle Rocks and the South Ledge for decades now. We did not lose Pulau Batu Puteh because we had a weak team; we lost it because someone, in 1953, screwed up in his letter-writing, and caused the nation to lose an island more than half a century later. The stupid fucks should also realise that we did not lose, WE WON SOMETHING. Singapore lost something to Malaysia. Now Johor fishermen can fish in the area of the Middle Rocks. Why complain?

Anyway, it is still too early in the morning for me to get upset. Alim is up and is watching ASTRO Ceria downstairs. Farhan is still asleep with his elder sisters, while Nisaa is still here curled up next to me.

I feel like eating Maggi now.

The perils of being both father and mother.

My Plane Rides

I was going through Gombak4Life‘s old postings and found one where he was talking about his first plane ride. I remember mine too. I was 4 years old when my father took me sightseeing on a plane. I remember we were seated on the co-pilot’s seat, and I was seated on his lap, my hand was always trying to turn the control column (steering wheel). If I remember the details of the cockpit, it was probably an early model of the Cessna 172.

I was 8 years old when I went on my first commercial flight, and that was from Kuala Lumpur (Subang, formerly KUL, now SZB) to Johor Bahru (JHB). There was one other stop in between: Melaka (Batu Berendam – MKZ). It was on board a Fokker Friendship aircraft, and I was like…WOW! The flight took us almost two hours I think, but it was a great trip. Malaysia Airlines, then called, Malaysian Airline System (MAS), was a new entity, having been separated two years earlier from the old entity called Malaysia-Singapore Airlines (MSA) in 1972. Malaysian Airline System sported the red ‘wau’ until 1986 (when I was there for a short while) when it discarded the old ‘wau’ for the more ‘aerodynamic wau’ and livery. After that I think it grew too fast and was not properly managed.

Seven years later, I was on my first Round-The-World trip.

Among the civilian commercial fixed-wing aircraft I have been on board are:

Boeing 707
Boeing 727
Boeing 737
Boeing 747
Boeing 777
Airbus 300
Airbus 310
Airbus 320
Lockheed L-1011 Tristar
Vickers VC-10
McDonnell-Douglas DC-10
Fokker Friendship F27
Fokker F50
Aérospatiale-BAC Concorde
Britten-Norman BN-2 Islander
Shorts SC-7 Skyvan
Cessna 208B Grand Caravan

Oh, back to the first commercial flight I took, I can still remember its registration. It was the 9M-ARK. I found a picture of it in the old Malaysian Airline System livery, taken circa 1975, at the Kota Kinabalu airport (BKIAP):

F27 9M-ARK at BKIAP

I wonder what has happened to her.

Seboleh-bolehnya Aku Tak Nak Mempenakan Hal-Hal Politik

Sekolah dah cuti.

Di dalam mimpi kedengaran suara anak aku terjerit-jerit, “Tolong, Ultraman! Tolong!“. Walhal aku sedang mimpikan empat angka yang mungkin boleh aku tekan sekiranya aku pergi ke mana-mana kedai Magnum hari ini. Aku dah letak disclaimer kat situ: SEKIRANYA. Aku rasa dah 22 tahun aku tak jejakkan kaki ke tempat-tempat seumpama itu. Kemudian, dalam mimpi aku ternampak Ultraman muncul…cuma kepalanya sahaja kelihatan di sebalik bangunan-bangunan yang bakal diranapkan oleh seekor raksasa yang kulitnya kelihatan seperti getah dan mempunyai lidah yang tidak boleh digerak-gerakkan. Raksasa tersebut menembak Ultraman dengan cahaya kehijauan. Ultraman tidak sempat mengelak dan terkena tembakan tersebut, lalu terpelanting dan jatuh ke atas…..AKU! Cipet punya Ultraman! Habis aku dihempapnya dan ranap kedai Magnum tadi.

Jangan main atas katil!” jerit aku kepada anak-anak aku sambil mata aku cuba memproses maklumat dari otak yang berkata: CELIK SEKARANG. MASA UNTUK BANGUN. DAH 10.30 PAGI. Kelihatan di sudut mata, anak-anak aku berterabur lari meninggalkan bilik tidur aku sebab raksasa yang sebenar dah bangun tidur.

Aku tidur jam 2.30pagi tadi – awal, kalau ikut standard aku. Semuanya gara-gara makan ubat batuk pahit yang dilabelkan sebagai mempunyai perisa Sarsaparilla. Kepala hotak diorang la. Tak ada rasa macam A&W Root Beer pun. Pahit nak mampus. Tapi terpaksa…kalau tidak memang aku akan batuk sampai pagi. Tak lama lepas aku makan ubat batuk tu aku pengsan. Aku terbangun semula sekitar jam 5 pagi dan tertidur semula tatkala azan subuh berkumandang. Jangan salahkan aku. Aku ada selective deafness. Aku tak dengar perkataan as-Solah tetapi aku pick-up 110 decibels of an-Naum. Apa lagi? Tidur la! Aku cuma ikut apa yang aku dengar dalam azan!

Dalam aku cuba nak mengelak dari menulis mengenai politik, Kimi tiba-tiba muncul dekat YM tak kasi aku mati dulu takut tak ada orang nak komen pasal KJ.

Kimi: jgn la mati dulu
Kimi: nnt KJ xde org nak komen
SD: hhahahaha
SD: not mine
SD: ni pun tengah update blog
SD: bila ke syria?
Kimi: ntah la
Kimi: pak arab dia nye esok
Kimi: ada la 2-3 light years
Kimi: hahaha
SD: hhhahaha
SD: bagus gak tu
Kimi: bila pi diving?
SD: khamis ni
Kimi: u kutuk2 KJ
Kimi: dia dah dah la hensem
Kimi: u terlebih hensem
SD: bangla KJ tu
Kimi: tu psl org komen
Kimi: hahaha
SD: bangla kalau kasi pakai baju mahal memang hensem
Kimi: kalau u pakai zegna…sure george clooney nangis air mata darah
Kimi: hahaha
SD: eh..i ada tau zegna suit
SD: kekekeke
SD: itu aje la sepasang
SD: S Jibeng kalau mat salleh rupa macam siapa?
Kimi: david archuleta
SD: betul ke?
SD: kalau dia muda dulu la kot…dan kalau kasi pakai zegna

Aku suka perbincangan intellectual seperti itu. Tak perlu nak proses banyak-banyak. Masuk telinga kiri, keluar ikut bontot. Orang melayu tak suka berfikir. Sebab itu cerita-cerita di pawagam seperti Little Buddha, The Last Emperor, dan cerita-cerita yang sewaktu dengannya tak mungkin akan menjadi pukulan kotak pejabat (box office hit) di Malaysia. Orang melayu lebih gemar cerita-cerita simple seperti Sembilu, Tragedi Oktober, di mana heronya Awie yang akan memperlakonkan watak seorang 20-something yang extremely macho dan sasa. Aku rasa aku lagi macho dari Awie. Dan definitely Awie lebih macho dari KJ sebab Awie lagi banyak dapat offer berlakon, sedangkan KJ hanya gemar mengoffer pelakon.

Cukuplah aku membuat nukilan mengenai politik dan KJ. Sakit hati aje. Nasib baik aku dah selesai membuat kerja berat aku di dalam jamban ini. Aaaah! Itulah hebatnya teknologi wi-fi. Sambil berak pun boleh mempenakan idea.

Namun jamban pun tak bebas dari hal-hal politik. Sebelum aku flush, aku terpandang ke dalam mangkuk tandas…sebijik macam KJ.

Cipet!

This Is Not Really A Romantic Post

This is not really a romantic post.

And the smell of the by-product of the sambal petai I had last night is making the tiles slide off the wall of this lovely bathroom. But believe me, when crap flows out, good ideas flow in.

While the rest of the guys: Renek, Dalie, Elysha, Gemgem, Rainmaker, Spena, King Cobra, Masrina, and Yummy Baby are outside either watching AF finals, or eating the curry mee Yummmy Baby had cooked, I sit here on the porcelain throne reminiscing on our first date.

I’ve warned you that this is not really a romantic post.

It was three nights after Burger Night, and she had to attend a dinner gathering with friends. She later created an excuse to get away early so she could go out with me. So by the time I picked her up, it was kind of late already. On the way, I realised I had a problem: where do I take her for drinks? Where do I take someone who every other guy who’s dated her has taken her to all the fine places (save for one limp-dick who asked her to drive to some mamak joint herself to join him on a football-watching date)? Every other guy, drove her in expensive cars (again, save for the limp-dick who never picked her up because he felt inferior – so he dresses up like he’s macho to overcome his inferiority).

Then there she was when I arrived, looking pretty as usual. She didn’t even try to look pretty but she is. Okay, you may say I am biased but I have always thought of her as someone pretty and pleasant to look at. Looking back at that time, someone told me that she would not be compatible with me as she is free-spirited, not caring, superficial, career-minded and all the values that I would look at negatively. Somehow my heart told me otherwise, and I was again, putting myself at risk by listening to my heart – something a true Cancerian would normally do: no scientific model to base our findings, always deciding based on gut feelings.

I alighted from the car and smiled at her. She was all shy, since this was our first meeting after she had confessed of her feelings for me. I hugged her as I did three nights before, and kissed her cheek. She got into the car and off we went; and I still did not know where to go to take her for a drink. I was thinking to myself, “Is she the expensive type? Or would she mind going to somewhere simple?” I mean, I do not want to take her somewhere for teh tarik and having to fork out RM500 for two glasses of teh tarik, when the teh tarik would probably have cost me RM30 but the rest is charged for ambience. I mean, who the fuck would order for ambience?

We ended up driving around town, and in the end I decided that it was a waste of time to spend our first date inside a car, so I took her to this place, an old but pleasant place that I frequented some 21 years ago when I was a junior officer in the Air Force.

As soon as we got there, we both alighted the car, and exchanged our first kiss behind the car. I held her hand and we walked to the F&B section. If you look at the place, it has the setting of some old malay movie such as Hapuslah Airmata Mu or Jiwa Remaja where flat-chested malay girls in two-piece bikini could be seen lounging around the pool, and the hero and heroine of the movie would be sitting, sipping nothing but a glass of orange juice that would have an orchid decorating the rim of each of the glass, saying stupid things like, “I amat sukakan you. Sudikah you sekiranya I ajak bermalam di bilik hotel I?“. Pretty retro, but it was a nice evening nevertheless.

She admitted to me later that she was as nervous as I was on that first date. The relationship has gone to an advanced stage, and I am pretty sure she knows how serious I am, and what are the things I would do for her. And as I have mentioned before in my previous writings on her, I find her closest to the one I have always wanted. I can thank those whom have taught me how to open up my heart and learn to love again, even though I ended up being the victim of circumstances I would probably have avoided being in, as I have now found the person whom I believe, will be able to stand by me through thick and thin come what may; someone who truly loves me unconditionally, someone I
would love to die as hers.

Now, I better get off this porcelain throne before some things get dry and flaky. The smell is killing me already.

Remember, this was never intended to be a truly romantic post.