Where Are You From?

Pagi tadi, aku check Inbox E-mail office aku. Macam biasa, selain dari E-mail mengenai kerja, aku dapat juga beberapa E-mail daripada orang-orang yang mencari pekerjaan. Ada satu E-mail, mintak jawatan assistant aku (dalam org chart tak ada jawatan assistant aku) dari seorang mamat. Dia tak sebut dari mana dalam resume dia, tapi nama dia bukan nama typical American mahupun British…tapi nama mat salleh. Contact details yang ada hanyalah E-mail address yang lain dari E-mail address yang dia kirimkan resume dia, dan satu phone number. Aku tak hafal IDD codes, jadi aku tak tau dia dari mana.

So, aku pun call la nombor yang dia kasi sebab nak clarification about where he’s from.

“Yes, tell me!” jawab suatu suara.

Okay, aku rasa aku pernah dengar ayat yang sama lebih kurang 4 tahun yang silam. Biasa disuarakan oleh mereka yang berasal dari India.

“Is this Mr Tommy?” aku bertanya.

“Yes, he is this. Who are you?” tanya beliau.

Aku pun cakap la kat dia aku siapa, dan aku cerita jugak aku terima resume beliau. Lalu aku sambung dengan bertanyakan asal beliau:

“I would like to know where you are from, Mr Tommy?”

“POOON-NEY!” jawab beliau.

Aku tergelak gila. Terus aku tekap mouthpiece dan ketawa macam sial. Drilling Engineer aku pandang kat aku dengan muka penuh pelik. Lalu aku pasang speakerphone dan tanya lagi sekali asal beliau:

“I’m so sorry. Where are you from again?”

“I’m coming from Pune India,” jawab Tommy. Macam tak ada comma. Laju aje PUNE INDIA dia tu. “My father also coming from Pune India.”

Driiling Engineer aku ketawa terbahak-bahak dan lari keluar dari office aku. Aku boleh dengar dia ketawa sekuat hati. Aku rasa nak pecah perut dan terus letak telefon.

Whip In My Valise

A few days ago, three Muslim women were whipped for illicit intercourse until they were pregnant. While some quarters of the society raised hell, it only caused me to raise an eyebrow.

“Here we go again,” I said to myself. “This had better be good otherwise this will not look good.”

Seriously, I don’t care much about three women who got whipped as long as their partners get whipped too, if they were caught together. But the Malaysian media had a field day in blowing this out of proportion because the three became the first women in Malaysia to be whipped (two were given six whips while the other only four). So much so that it drowned the fact that four men were whipped with them for committing the same offence.

“Menteri Dalam Negeri, Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Tun Hussein berkata, mereka telah disabitkan di bawah Seksyen 23(2) Akta Kesalahan Jenayah Syariah Wilayah Persekutuan 1997 (Persetubuhan Haram) yang dijatuhkan oleh Mahkamah Tinggi Syariah Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur antara Disember 2009 hingga Januari lalu.

Selain itu, beliau berkata, terdapat empat pesalah lelaki turut menjalani enam kali sebatan pada hari tersebut atas kesalahan yang sama.

”Pada 9 Februari lalu, kira-kira pukul 10 pagi, hukuman sebat syariah telah dilaksanakan dengan sempurna ke atas tujuh pesalah syariah. (Find the article here)

For the uninitiated, the whipping punishment meted out according to the Syariah Law is not meant to cause grievous harm, but “as a father would whip a child of his”. The whipping prescribed by the Penal Code however is serious shit. The three women were whipped six times in one go, and soon gave press conference and interviews. A rapist being whipped six times would be checked by a medical officer after each lash to see if he could carry on receiving. If the MO stops it at lashing #3, the rapist will have to do the other 3 lashings once he has been medically-certified as “fit for punishment.” And I tell you, so much flesh and muscles will be whipped out of the guy’s butt that he won’t be able to auto-lift his dick up just to pee!

There have you the differences between the Syariah whipping in Malaysia, and the Penal Code whipping.

Ayu, who was released from Kajang Prison last Sunday, said the caning was not painful and was over in a few minutes.

“I truly am sorry for committing the sin and I have repented. I feel that it is my responsibility to remind my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters not to commit sin, and that is why I am sharing my experience,” she told reporters yesterday.

Ayu was sentenced to a RM1,000 fine and caned four times.

She had heard about Muslims being caned for committing religious offences but never thought that such punishment really existed. (Read About It Here)

Anyway, all of them surrendered themselves to the Federal Territory Religious Department (JAWI) after delivering their child, or have suffered a miscarriage, or stillbirth or something.

The only thing I do not agree is the manner in which the punishments were carried out. All seven were whipped between December of last year and early this year. It should have been announced, or representatives of various women groups should have been invited and explained to about the whole thing, instead of it being a hush-hush operation.

Why am I writing this? I have had very little sleep and long days at work with lots to do, and was ready to turn in when someone, who asked to be added on MY FRIENDS’ LIST, who is known to try to engage me in talks on theology and politics time and time again, suddenly felt that 9.39pm is the best time to engage me in such discussions. He would steer the discussions towards politics and I have warned him time and time again to NOT get me involved in political discussions. Especially when he is partisan to one quarter, while I hate politics and ALL the political parties.


As such, all toilet water should not be drunk, be they the BN toilet, or the PR toilet.

I was just getting the final group of aircraft from my Airline Manager application to depart, when the Message Box came alive:


mengapa bapa yang rogol anak sendiri tidak dirotan tapi wanita senang di rotan ya?

Okay, what’s all this about? Where did this guy get his facts that rapists DO NOT GET WHIPPED?


i dunno

I was least interested to be engaged in such discussions on a Friday evening: the commencement of the ME TIME period.


ya semua macam katak buat tak tahu ya

What the fuck? Now you call me a frog? Just yesterday evening someone called me BABI and almost got fucked by me in the ass with my fists, and now, some asshole decided it was okay to get me engaged in such discussions and poked me further for response by implying that I’m a FROG?


i dunno


seriously not interested in such trivial matters

See, I was still being nice albeit annoyed.


yes, women being caned, raped and children too are small matters until it knocks on your door and spills your ricebowl

At this juncture, my mind was going like: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, ASSHOLE? But still, I was composed:


tell that to them

they were caned for committing an offence under the syariah law


i have, i am only asamed of those who pretend to look the other way

He was probably getting pissed too as he had his first typo up there.


raping a little kid is tried under criminal law…you still get jail and caning

and caning under syariah law does not hurt as much as caning under criminal law

if u are implying that i am looking the other way, i suggest you take that back

Okay…I was pissed by then. But still he carried on:


not if u have seen the research sisters of islam has done, many are hushed up in the name of maruah

Okay, they have done their research. But why take it out on me? WAS I THE GUY WHO WHIPPED THEM, YOU FUCKING IDIOT? (That was only inside my head then).


why are u discussing this with me?

r u going religious on me now?

wanna talk theology?

hv u seen a person being caned for rape?


if u haven’t do go to a prison and have a look

i had to watch one as part of my course

if u haven’t do go to a prison and have a look

I carried on to say:


if these women were caned according to the penal code, they wouldn’t be standing to tell the tale

At this point, he retorted:


u don’t get do u

Get what? Why the fuck do you want me to get what at all? What a pain in the ass this guy is!


u don’t get it

u r just interested in taking it out

come…give it to me

whipping under the syariah law is only to serve as a reminder

Now, he gets more pissed:


are u blind to how they are manipulating religion and the law against women and quiet on those who are fucking their kids and cops raping women in their police lock ups?

Okay, he’d just used the F word. First, he called me a frog, now he’s just used another four-letter word beginning with F. Now, why the fuck tell me all this? Am I the bloody Prime Minister? The King?

Still, I remained composed. And at this point, this is so NOT ME!


whipping under criminal law is a punishment so they don’t do it again…the amount of flesh and muscle torn

Obviously, that was not enough for him. I seriously did not know what he wanted out of me!


which part of selective justice don’t u understand?

Can someone tell me what is seriously wrong with this asshole? He wanted a reply, I gave him one:


mr gomewz (Gomez is his surname…my typo because by this time I felt like whacking the guy)

if u r interested in picking a quarrel right now, i suggest u stop

go write to the papers or preach how islam is fucking crap in your church

don’t preach to me


u have no fucking idea about anything

selective justice my ass

how ma(n)y women have been caned as opposed to men caned and jailed for raping?

Obviously this guy has a one-tracked mind, that he does not open his eyes to see things 360-degrees:


what happened to those guys who fucked them, why are they let off scott free or are they related to umno regime

I’m sorry. But everything bad has to be related to UMNO. Like I said, if he trusts others, try drinking the water inside his toilet bowl. And obviously he has forgotten my previous warnings about talking about politics:


i told u not to speak about politics with me

so fuck off

if u wanna talk politics, find someone else


ok then get off my list

Somebody must be suffering from bad memory lapse. First, he forgot about my previous warnings on political talks, and now he has forgotten that it was he who asked to be added on my list.


u never listen to the news

the men were caned too

this shows how narrow-minded u r

and excuse me

i never asked to be added

so get off mine

For a man of the church, he sure knows his F words. I’m amazed. People tell me that he is a research or academic officer or something at the church. Is that a job or what?

Get a life!


Aku drive keluar dari office tadi tetapi tak boleh nak keluar dari exit office sebab ada satu van tengah block jalan. Drivernya yang duduk di dalam tengah bertekak dengan pak guard. Rasanya pak guard suruh driver van ni buat satu round pusing sebab orang yang dia tunggu tak turun lagi tapi driver ni tak nak. Dari dalam kereta aku boleh dengar suara dia memarahi pak guard tu. Aku diam aje dalam kereta. Tapi lama-kelamaan aku bengang jugak. Kereta-kereta kat belakang aku dah horn bagai nak rak.

Tak semena-mena driver ni boleh pandang kat aku dan jerit:

“Apa horn-horn BABI?”

Lalu aku keluar dan tinggalkan kereta aku, berjalan menghala ke arah pintu driver van tersebut. Aku hentak pintu van tu dengan tangan tapak tangan aku sekuat hati sampai kemek sedikit dan dengan penuh budi-bahasa aku bahasakan dia dengan sekuat-kuatnya:

“Sedap betul mulut engkau panggil orang BABI. Dah selalu sangat hisap butoh mak engkau tiap malam, ye? Kepala ada otak tak ada! TEPI LA SIKIT KALAU NAK GADUH PUN, SUNDAL!”

Perit tekak aku macam baru lepas kasi command kat parade square masa Panglima punya inspection. Tanpa banyak berkata driver tu pun memandu vannya beredar terus dari kawasan office aku. Pak guard tadi pun tak berani nak bertentang mata dengan aku mahupun berkata apa-apa.

Bagus jugak ada MONSTER DOG ni. Sesekali aku terasa macam Jim Carrey bila pakai MASK.

Sama-sama sickening.

Cuma tak kelakar.

To Proceed With Processions

This morning’s newspapers greeted us with two prominent figures speaking on the same subject: the celebration of Maulidur Rasul (Maulidin Nabi), and the two figures are Dr Asri, the former Mufti of Perlis; and Datuk Nik Aziz, the PAS spiritual leader. The former spoke about the need to ban processions that congest roads while the latter questioned the need for such a celebration.

With the former, I would agree. If you talk about human rights in Islam, the need for what purpose something is built takes precedence over the need of other rights. For example, a road was built for traffic users. Therefore, their right to use the road freely and unobstructed except by law takes precedence over the need for people to use the roads to demonstrate. Furthermore, in my opinion, demonstrations achieve nothing. They serve only to incite participants, and if done frequently, present a clear and present danger of the demonstrators going unruly. If I were an employer, I would duly sack my employees who demonstrated during office hours.

The latter stressed that Maulidur Rasul was not celebrated until 300 years after the Prophet’s death. Nik Aziz asked if that would mean the people who lived between Muhammad’s time up to when his birthday was celebrated did not love Muhammad? Certainly not.

There was never a Mauliddin Nabi until some 460 years after the death of Muhammad. And this was done during the Fatimite caliphate in Egypt, which was a Shiah Caliphate (during the reign of Wazir al-Afdlal).

The Ahlil Sunnah Wal Jamaah version was brought about by King Muzaffar ad-Din Kukburi, who ruled Egypt after the Shiite caliphate was overthrown some 200 years later. King Muzaffar was the brother of the muslim warrior Saladin (Salahuddin al-Ayubbi). Because of Saladin’s involvement fighting the Christians during the Crusades, the Birthday of Muhammad was introduced to counter the birth of Christ…Christmas.

Christmas was only a date picked by the Catholics because it is one week before the new year. And they traced back to the day a comet appeared somewhere during Year Zero, and deduced that Christ was born on December 25th. The Orthodox Christians however, celebrate Christmas on January 7th, because to them, Jesus was born a week after new year, taking the new year as the day the universe was created by God, and on the 7th day there was life.

No one knows when Muhammad was born. No one had recorded his birth, and I doubt very much that the Quraisy had had a birth registration system, given the fact that they were still burying little baby girls alive then. It was just a date borne out of consensus (Ijma’) but has never been proven to be correct. As I have stated above, none of the Khulafa ar-Rashiddin ever celebrated Muhammad’s birthday, not even when he was alive. The Shiites celebrate Maulid on the 17th of Rabi’ul Awwal while the Sunnis on the 12th of Rabi’ul Awwal.

There are two schools of thoughts when it comes to celebrating the birth of Muhammad. The first being the scholars who think it is okay to celebrate based on a hadith asking Muslims to fast on a Monday as it was also the day Muhammad was born, and the day prophecy descended on him.

Those who say it is not, based their findings on the following:

Muhammad (pbuh) has said: Do not over praise me as the Christians over-praised the son of Mary. I am His slave so say: ‘Allah’s slave and messenger’ (Al-Bukhaari and Muslim)

The Messenger (Muhammad Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) believes in what has been sent down to him from his Lord, and (so do) the believers. Each one believes in Allâh, His Angels, His Books, and His Messengers. They say, “We make no distinction between one another of His Messengers” – and they say, “We hear, and we obey. (We seek) Your Forgiveness, our Lord, and to You is the return (of all).” (al-Quran 2:285)

Based on that ayat, and the fact that the celebration of Mauliddin Nabi originated from the Shiites, coupled with the fact that it imitates the Christian celebration of Christmas, and the fact that it was never practised by either Muhammad or any of the Khulafa ar-Rashiddin – the celebration was deemed a bida’ah and Haram by the Senior Ulama Committee of Saudi Arabia.

So, there have you. I don’t see anything wrong in remembering Muhammad, but it should not be confined to that one day where you glorify him. He should be remembered everyday in every single prayer, as you should remember all the other Messengers before him: Christ, David, Abraham, John, Moses, , Noah Adam etc. They were all human beings like us.

So, like Valentine’s Day, I do not celebrate Maulidur Rasul. I don’t mind the holiday, though. But I prefer to remember those I love on a minute-to-minute basis rather than once a year.

Weathering Effects

“Beauty is in the eyes of the beer-holder”

If you fall in love because of how a woman looks, be forewarned that you will be looking at other beautiful women in 10 years time. If fall in love with a man for his richness, you will be falling in love with an even richer man soon. If you fall in love with a man for his hunkiness, better be prepared to see his beer belly in 10 years time.

Just the other day, Wifey suddenly said to me,

“I know you like me better if I look like how I did in November of 2008.”

Wifey’s been going through this low self-esteem thing since the latter part of 2009. She frequently complains of her tummy and butt getting bigger and body getting heavier. Then comes the incessant litany of wanting to go on a diet and so on.

I am not one with want for looks. None of my ex-wives are lookers. People would look the other way if they come anywhere near. My ex-girlfriends would range from jongos to nothing to shout about, with the exception of probably one person, and even then that is according to the wife. What is looks if you have problem with your BO? But looks-wise, I think Wifey’s the hottest catch ever (I’m trying to get something tonight, okay?)

Anyway, I have this thing about women who age more than they should. I have seen good-looking tudunged GILFs (Grannies I’d Like To FOTOGRAF), but in some of my writings, you can see that I constantly see younger women who look older than I – whether they wear tudung or not is another matter.

Just yesterday during breakfast at a mamak‘s with Wifey, I saw this tudunged woman with her grandson and husband, looking at Wifey. Maybe she didn’t like seeing Wifey in a skirt. Her husband must be in his 50’s but she looked well past 65, or rather, the way she looked. Then last night, Wifey showed me photos of her seniors at school, older than her by two years, but they all look like they’re older than I am. And this morning, as I waited for the lift at my office building, two women who must be in their mid to late 20s were yapping away – and both looked 40. And I’m sure they’d get pretty annoyed if their husband look at other women in their presence. Yet, they allow themselves to go down the drains.

You can be big-sized and tudunged, but it is the choice of tudung, dress and how you present yourself that make a difference in people’s perception of your age – how you speak to others, how you smile or don’t, how you smell, how you compose yourself. I think, that is what most husbands look at anyway, as physical beauty fades. If you eat plain rice everyday, you’re going to end up sick. So, maybe you might want to turn that rice into fried rice, or chicken rice, or bariyani rice – and best still is if the rice, in whatever form it may be, comes from the same pot, and not from some other pot. That’s the challenge. And don’t think of sex as a duty – watch the movie The Duchess if you want to know what I mean. Sex, is an adventure. I keep saying to my wife,

“Puki semua sama rasa dia. It’s the service that makes a difference.”

And no, prostitutes are not sluts, contrary to popular belief. I don’t think they’re willing to do more than what is necessary to achieve their objective:


And whether she has put on more weight or not, my wife is a beauty to me, and an adventure in bed. I have to admit I can never get enough of her, and better than all the experiences put together when I was in my early 20s. And her love for me is what makes her even more beautiful than when I first met her, when she was slimmer and sexier to some. That love is the inner beauty that makes her shine.

And because of that, I pulled her close to me this morning and cuddled her, falling back to sleep – and arrived at the office 2 hours late.

The Metal Tiger Year For Me

It is the year of the Tiger. So what does the Tiger has in store for a Horse like me this year?

HORSE: 74% (12 favorable months)

The Horse will experience a more favorable year than the other signs, the only exception being the Dog. The year’s ruling element, Metal, is not one of your best and will likely temper what would otherwise be an outstanding year, to just a very good year on all fronts. You are poised to achieve gains in many areas of your life and have a great time doing it. The Horse is forecast to have an entire year without even one unfavorable month in 2010, a very uncommon phenomenon. This is not a time to hold back or sit on the sidelines. Rather, you should proceed through the year at a gallop. You may not win every race, but there will be many times you do reach the finish line first. Keep in mind the Tiger’s influence tends to be a bit reckless. Occasionally tighten up on the reins and be more careful.


The Horse is well positioned for a year of marked progress in reaching professional goals. The Tiger will be ushering in change and uncertainty. For a typical Horse, your love of variety and diversity already gives you a natural advantage over your competitors. If you are in a in a career you enjoy, the unpredictable challenges should be exhilarating. If you don’t love your industry, seek new employment as early as possible, and you’ll likely make a quick, rewarding transition. Horse sign people are often blessed with a deeply held, personal confidence that they will succeed. This belief in yourself will also benefit you, but don’t think you have failed if you don’t accomplish every goal you set for 2010. The year is about being proactive and setting the stage for ultimate achievements. You can expect to see more of those next year.


The Horse’s interactions this year should be very rewarding. You may find yourself highly in-demand with friends and acquaintances, and your social calendar is bound to conflict at some point with your responsibilities. As a Horse sign person, you know how to enjoy a raucous time, but in the end you are not likely to risk your true objectives. Don’t let the impetuous Tiger lure you too far down the path of temptation. In your personal life, you may find yourself attending more than usual to domestic matters or family obligations, and actually enjoying it. This year should be more conducive to romance than recent years, and 2010 is an auspicious year for engagement or marriage. If you have been single or lonely, you are almost sure to find someone to feel passionate about, especially during the spring and summer months.


Horses often get away with neglecting their health for long periods without experiencing negative consequences. While this may seem like a blessing, it can actually be a disadvantage because you learn to take your body for granted. As strong and resilient as you might be, you cannot endure continuous abuse without paying a price. Furthermore, those life-enhancing habits like regular exercise and nutritious foods only get harder to adopt with with time. In such a busy and active year as this one, it is almost certain your brain will be getting all the exercise it can handle. It will actually improve your performance in all areas of your life if you treat your body as well as you treat your mind.


Finances could be the weakest area for Horses this year. You may be deluded by illusions of grandeur when you receive a raise, or a large sum of money. The Tiger may influence you to spend it, but excessive luxury purchases are not advised (I hope my wife reads this!). You are likely to face unexpected expenses, and your security will be improved if you set aside as much of your money as possible in savings and secure investments so you can cover the additional outflows without worry. You will fare well by making a habit of living below your means. Needless to say, it is not a good time for gambling or risk; don’t trust your luck where money is concerned.

New Look, Old Style

That's the way ahak ahak...I like it ahak ahak

After having very little sleep and having to go to work at the rig from 6am ’til 5.30pm daily, I decided to change the theme of this webpage. Hopefully, it is more refreshing than it was previously – just so there is change. Much like everything else in life such as politics, that seem to have undergone some changes – but only to reveal later that everything’s very much the same whether you have chosen others to administer your state or otherwise.

Aku Tak Gemuk, Aku Hanya Kurang Kurus


Aku tak kurus. Tapi lepas semalam, aku tau aku tak gemuk.

Masa aku berjalan kaki dari office nak hantar lunch kat bini aku, ada dua orang makcik yang muda dari aku, yang berjalan ala-ala itik super obese, memenuhi walkway. Di belakang penuh dengan orang yang menanti peluang nak potong, dan di depan orang terpaksa berhenti ke tepi nak kasi diorang jalan. Dah lah jalan slow, sembang mak minah tak ingat langsung kat belakang penuh dengan orang yang nak cepat.

Perkara yang sama jadi kat aku masa aku naik escalator kat stesen LRT. Ada satu couple depan aku. Yang lelaki size kurus daripada aku. Tapi awek dia…macam babi tunggal. Kalau engkorang pernah pergi ladang ternak babi, ada sekor babi jantan…macam seladang besar dia…kerja dia jadi pornstar kat ladang tu menibai babi-babi betina kasi pregnant. Itu la babi tunggal. Kan? Kalau dah tau size kau tu boleh buat stop-cork untuk monsoon drain, jangan la nak berpegang tangan dengan boyfriend. Lepas tu bontot boyfriend engkau asyik bergesel aje dengan tepi handrail escalator tu sebab nak accommodate engkau. Ramai orang kat belakang engkau yang nak cepat. Boleh pulak tu pandang belakang bila ada orang sebut “Excuse me!” sebab nak suruh engkau undur satu step atau naik satu step agar orang lain boleh lalu. Lepas tu dengan muka babi hidung sama lebar dengan lengan aku, kau boleh buat tak tau aje kat orang tu.

Sebelum tu, masa aku tengah queue up nak beli lunch untuk bini aku, ada sorang mamat dari salah sebuah negara yang nabi-nabi diturunkan di situ sebab rakyatnya amat degil dan tak beradab berdiri lebih kurang 3 orang di hadapan aku. Tiba-tiba, datang dua orang rakannya yang baghal potong queue dan berdiri kat sebelah dia. Pompuan yang kat belakang mamat keturunan Farsi ni pun marahlah diorang. Dia orang boleh buat tak tahu aje. Mamat depan aku pun sound diorang suruh ke belakang. Pun diorang buat tak tau.

Aku masa tu memang pakai Monster Dog aku…memang aku tak bukak. Aku pun tap belakang lahabau yang paling dekat dengan tangan aku dengan cara yang paling tak lembut sambil berkata,

“Your mother must be so busy fucking with animals that she forgot to teach you manners!”

Barulah diorang faham Bahasa Inggeris dan terus mundur ke hujung belakang queue.

Dan aku rasa semua makcik-makcik yang ada kat dalam outlet tu semua terberhenti makan sambil memandang kat aku mendengar bahasa aku yang paling lembut menegur orang.

Nasib la! Bagus jugak ada Monster Dog ni.