Makcik? : Babi

For about two days now the Malaysian media, electronic media and social network is filled with reports on a particular website denouncing and ridiculing Islam. The blog has reportedly been blocked by the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission, plus I am sure hundreds, if not thousands, have already reported the blog to WordPress for its offensive contents. However, I used a backdoor method to view the blocked URL (https://makcikhajjahsittalwuzara2u.wordpress.com/) and found the following:

Makcik Hajjah Sitt Al-Wuzara 11:19 pm on May 23, 2011

Hari ini Allah swt tengah murka pada seluruh kaum Adam terutamanya umat kesayangannya, yakni umat Islam yang telah jauh sesat. Maka, Allah swt menurunkan bala yang setimpal di Masjidil Haram di kota Mekah Al-Mukaramah, megeluarkan jerung raksasa yang lapar dari perut bumi. Kota Mekah dilanda banjir dan pengunjung-pengunjung beribadat sekeliling baitullah digigit dan dinyonyot sepuas-puasnya oleh binatang peliharaan Allah yang istimewa ini! Allahuakbar!!

Beneath that is a picture of a shark appearing where the Kaabah is with its mouth gaping. Mind you, this person claiming to be a Makcik also has a Twitter account (@sitt_alwuzara).

So, who is this Makcik Sitt al-Wuzara? Sitt al-Wuzara binti Umar (al-Wuzara means “The Viceroy”) is the name of a female Islamic scholar who was an authority in aHadith compiled by Imam Bukhari. This character uses the name probably to depict authority. Looking at the style of writing, contents of the blog, shows that this Makcik is an atheist (the Makcik claims to be an atheist). I will not speculate whether or not this Makcik was a Muslim, or person of a different religion to preserve the harmony of the people of this nation. Suffice to say, this Makcik grew up in a Malay-majority community, and this Makcik’s points to attack the Prophet Muhammad and Islam are similar to the style of attacks by anti-Islam groups overseas, so much so that a fellow atheist (and also a Vegan) has welcomed the Makcik. The latter, I believe, is in a university in Sabah. In the blog, the writer wrote:

Welcome Makcik Hajjah Sitt Al-Wuzara

I wish to offi­cially extend my warmest Mak­cik Sitt Al-Wuzara, who has over the last few months man­aged to build up a size­able repu­ta­tion as one of the most prom­in­ent voices in the Malay­sian apostate community.

Real­iz­ing that there is a niche to be filled in the blo­go­sphere regard­ing Malay lan­guage art­icles dis­par­aging Islam and Muhammad in ADHD proof form, Mak­cik Sitt Al-Wuzara has star­ted the fol­low­ing site.

Check it out if you can’t under­stand what I usu­ally write, because there is now someone out there who is try­ing to speak your highly trun­cated SMS-inspired language.

For the benefit of those who cannot get through to the Makcik’s blog, I shall copy and paste some of the offensive postings here:

Makcik Hajjah Sitt Al-Wuzara 7:21 am on May 21, 2011

Mari baca Ayat Kursi untuk mendapat ganjaran syurga lucah Firdaus! Mari buat amalan dan baca Ayat Kursi!! Sesungguhnya Allah akan memberkati amalan kita dan mengganjarkan kepada kita alam lucah jannatul Firdaus bersama-sama dengan (atau menjadi antara) 72 bidadari yang montok dan ketat lubangnya setiap kali diberi jimakan. Masyallah!!

Makcik Hajjah Sitt Al-Wuzara 10:04 am on May 19, 2011

Celaka makhluk babi penghuni SKMM!! Ada kentut nak sekat blog makcik ye??? Mentang-mentanglah makcik femes. Apa korang ni jeles ke?? Bukankah Najib kata isi di Internet tidak akan ditapis?? Apa main censor-censor ni?? Kepala hotak kau lah Najib binatang liar otak lucah UMNO!! Nak harap guna internet tengok filem lucah jer! Belajar tentang kebenaran agama Islam tak mahu. Tak boleh harap langsung!! Oi Najib, semoga Allah babi swt laknat kau ke dalam parit neraka jahanam sama dengan setan babi Muhammad sekali!!!
Sittal

Makcik Hajjah Sitt Al-Wuzara 12:03 pm on May 15, 2011 Permalink | Reply

Hadis Sahih Al Bukhari 4.73
اعلموا أن الجنة تحت ظلال بسيف
“Sesungguhnya syurga terletak di bawah teduhan pedang.”

Dasar Islam agama pengganas yang berasal dari kaki penyangak, kaki penyamun, kaki perompak, kaki perampas bini orang, kaki perogol, kaki maksiat yang membuat dosa menimbun-nimbun, yakni anjing sial padang pasir arab yang keji bernama Muhammad bin Abdullah bin Abdul Mutalib keturunan iblis dan jin!!

Makcik Hajjah Sitt Al-Wuzara 11:59 am on May 15, 2011 Permalink | Reply

Rukun iman ada enam perkata. Pertama percaya kepada babi yang disujud dengan menaikkan bontot yang bernama Allah. Kedua percaya kepada malaikat-malaikat pengecut yang takut anjing dan anak patung binatang. Ketiga percaya kepada kitab-kitab lucah macam Al-Quran dan buku awek bidadari bogel. Keempat percaya kepada rasul-rasul penyagak yang gatal zakarnya macam Muhammad si anjing itu. Kelima percaya kepada hari ngeri kiamat yang halal boleh telanjang puas-puas. Keenam percaya kepada qada dan qadar mahupun ada lubang jubur dan dubur yang ditentukan oleh babi Allah itu. Amin.

Makcik Hajjah Sitt Al-Wuzara 1:26 pm on May 6, 2011 Permalink | Reply
Surah Al-Khinzir

Surah-surah Al-Quran yang seterusnya.

Surah 115: Surah al-Khinzir

Sittal

1: Bismillah

2: Penghijrahan yang tergesa-gesa telah membawa umat Islam pada kawasan subur di tengah-tengah padang pasir di mana mereka telah pun selamat dari musuh-musuh Allah di kota Mekah.

3: Mereka berehat dan mengucapkan syukur alhamdulillah kepada tuhan berhala bulan yang bernama Allah kerana telah memberi mereka ganjaran harta.

4: Mereka berhimpun pada meja yang panjang, menikmati hidangan yang istimewa dihidangkan oleh mereka yang terbuka sepasang dadanya tetapi mukanya tersembunyi di belakang langsir kepala.

5: Sambil menjamu selera, sambil mengurut-urutkan sepasang dada penghidangnya, nabi Muhammad tiba-tiba menerima wahyu dari dewa berhala Allah, lalu, dengan sekeras-kerasnya mengharamkan daging babi.

6: Umat Islam yang berhijrah dengan Nabi Muhammad taat kepada perintahnya, lalu menjamah daging keldai dan burung helang dengan membasuh darah binatang ini dengan arak yang keras.

7: Salah satu umat Islam yang taat bernama Ahmad tercekik pada daging yang tidak begitu enak, lalu berkata, “Tidak pernah dalam hidup ku idamkan zakar seekor keldai pun dan tidak pernah pun ku idamkan burung helang yang sial ini.”

8: Seorang lagi umat Islam yang taat merungut untuk menjinakkan kelaparannya lalu berkata, “Samalah dengan nasibku, tetapi apakan daya, nabi yang suci telah memerintahkannya.”

9: Ahmad berjawab: “Tahukah kamu bahawa daging babi yang basi pun lagi enak dari benda sial ini.”

10: Seorang lagi umat Islam yang taat, lanjut umurnya, dan buruk giginya tersenyum apabila mendengar rungutan mereka dan menasihatikan mereka: “Bersabarlah kalian bahawa tidak lama lagi kalian akan biasakan lidah dengan nikmat rasanya.”

11: Nabi Muhammad tidak pun peduli pada rungutan mereka. Baginda terus melahap daging keldai, menikmati bahagian yang berisi dan enak, dengan gelojohnya sambil mejilat jari dan menjilat pinggannya. Mata baginda mencari-cari pada pasangan dada penghidang yang seterusnya yang boleh memuaskan nafsunya sambil meneguk arak anggur dengan tercungap-cungap.

12: Setelah puas menjamu selera pada waktu tengah hari yang panas terik itu, nabi Muhammad telah pun kenyang dan mabuk dan senang hati. Nafsunya panas seperti cuaca terik di padang pasir itu. Lalu baginda, menerima satu lagi wahyu dari dewa berhala Allah itu dan bersabda bahawa semua perkahwinan-perkahwinan dengan wanita yang dijimakkan sebelum ini boleh halal dibatalkan. Setelah menerima wahyu Allah, nabi Muhammad terus menjamu selera nafsunya dengan beberapa jenis penghidangnya yang telah menyerahkan pasangan dada mereka kepada baginda di meja makan tersebut.

13: Pada waktu yang sama, apabila nabi Muhammad sedang menjamu selera nafsunya dengan penghidang-penghidang yang molek pasangan dadanya itu, penghijrah umat Islam pula meraikan penghijrahan mereka yang dibalas dengan harta-harta oleh Allah s.w.t. dan mengucapkan syukur dan berwirid akan rahmat yang telah mereka terima.

14: Setelah puasnya nabi Muhammad menghabiskan perawanan penghidang-penghidangnya, baginda dengan badannya yang basah dengan peluh dan minyak keluar dari khemahnya untuk makan angin. Baginda terduduk pada bawah redupan pohon zaitun, mengusap-usapkan alat sulitnya sambil mengidam-idamkan anak-anak perempuan kecil yang lebih ketat. Ketika itu, terlintas pula seekor pengikutnya yang bernama Ahmad dan memeberi salam: “Salam alaikum ya Rasulullah. Tahukah baginda sebab mengapa sebenarnya Allah mengharamkan babi?”

15: Nabi Muhammad terkejut dengan lintasan Ahmad, lalu baginda dengan cepatnya menutup benda auratnya menggunakan jubahnya yang usang digigit oleh ulat lipas kain. “Sebabnya…” mula baginda, “ialah kerana saudara lelaki Allah sebenarnya ialah seekor dewa yang merupai khinzir, yakni seekor babi yang besar, maka Allah tidak mahukan kita membunuh saudaranya yang suci dan mulia.”

16: “Adakah Allah itu seekor babi??!!” tanya Ahmad seolah-olah direntap jiwanya.

17: “Demi Allah dengan semestinya yang maha agung itu sesungguhnya bulat seperti bulan memang benarlah seekor babi,” jawab nabi Muhammad sambil menghisap hashih yang baru dikeluarkan dari khemahnya, dihidangkan oleh sepasang dada yang tersembunyi mukanya di belakang kain langsir kepala.

18: Ahmad cuba mengeluarkan sepatah kata: “Biar betul wahai Rasul Allah. Kenapa mesti kita sembah dewa babi Allah itu?” Ahmad telah mula berfikir bahawa penghijrahan ini mungkin adalah suatu penipuan nabi palsu yang dirasuk oleh jin dan syaitan padang pasir.

19: Lalu nabi Muhammad menjawab: “Ini adalah kerana makhluk babi adalah lebih mulia dari makhluk manusia,” sambil memgidam-idamkan sekarang ini anak-anak kecik lelaki pula. “Maka lihatlah pada diri ku yang telah dirahmati oleh Allah bahawa perbuatan ku yang penuh kenafsuan, perompakan, dan pembunuhan dihalalkan oleh tuhan suci babi Allah kita. Allah maha besar. Allahuakbar!” teriak baginda.

20: “Allah telah berkata-kata di dalam mimpu ku,” sabda baginda lagi. Pada ketika ini, kelihatan nabi Muhammad telah pun kabur dari hashih yang dihisapnya.

21: Ahmad melihat nabi Muhammad dengan padangan yang sungguh keji, lalu memekik kepada baginda, “Gilakah engkau?! Perkara ini tidak masuk akal langsung. Aku mahu pulang ke Mekah dan kembali dengan orang-orang kafir ku!!”

22: Nabi Muhammad telah pun membebel tidak tentu arah, dan kata-katanya tidak pun lengkap. Baginda cuba duduk tegak dan sumpahkan kepada Ahmad sambil ketawa terbahak-bahak: “Apa ku peduli, nanti aku suruh umat ku rejam engkau sampai mampus!”

23: Ahmad menggelengkan kepalanya sambil memerhatikan nabi Muhammad yang sudah terencat akalnya, di tangan baginda diusapkannya lagi benda sulitnya. Ahmad tidak boleh tahan lagi dengan perangai nabi Muhammad, lalu terus pulang kembali ke pangkal jalan munafik dengan puak kafir yang lain di Mekah.

24: Saddaqallah al-azim.

Terjemahan oleh: Sitt Al-Wuzara

The above are among the postings by the Makcik on the Makcik’s blog. You should also have noticed how I never referred to the Makcik as a “she” as the Makcik could also be a “he”, or both. However, I would implore Muslims to ignore this being. Giving it too much attention fuels its desire to say more. There is no need whatsoever to defend Allah and His Prophet. Allah does not need His creations to defend Him as He is the Almighty; and Muhammad SAW is always in His protection.

Let us just regard this Makcik as another babi and move on.

The Lazy Husband

I wanted to blog about this yesterday but I felt so burnt out after office that I just crashed myself onto the bed the moment I arrived home. It’s a compelling issue that has been playing on my mind for a few days now that I thought I should pen it down as soon as I can before it ends up as one of those countless drafts I have on this blog.

Anyway, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a lazy husband. He is so lazy he didn’t leave home to have an affair!

Lazy Husbands exist. My wife had a lazy husband for 7 years before deciding she;d had enough of being the sole breadwinner in the family; feeding not just the kids, but the husband too. Ontop of that, she had to fork out for the groceries, pay the car’s monthly installments, finance his “teh tarik” sessions with “potential clients“, working her butt off while he lazes at home busy on the Playstation.

Anyway, what prompted me to write on this topic is because of what happened to me a few days back. It concerns a “kakak” from a different subsidiary whom I have hardly spoken to, but suddenly approached me at my office asking to lend her some money. It wasn’t a small amount. When told I do not have that kind of money to spare, she left, looking for other “victims” to borrow from.

I didn’t know anything about her until some of my staff members saw her approach me. Apparently according to them, her husband doesn’t work. Not because he is disabled, but because he is just plain lazy. He would portray himself as a successful businessman, but in reality beats his wife up if she doesn’t give him money to spend. They have two children, staying in a double-storey terraced house near Rawang that she’s paying for. She commutes by train to work daily while he drives around Rawang and wherever else in the car that she pays for monthly. She has been borrowing here to cover for the previous loan there. I understand now why my boss’s secretary has been asking her to cater for our office’s small do’s – she can cook well. I think if she were to cook nasi lemak for the husband to sell on a daily basis, they would make at least RM100 per day; that would be more than enough to supplement her income to feed her family and the lazy husband as well.

Of course the husband would have none of that – he does not want to be seen doing odd jobs or jobs that look petty in his eyes.

Deeper probing have revealed that other managers have lend her money before, some up to three years ago, which she has yet to settle. And the amount runs into five-figures, almost triple my gross salary. The problem doesn’t just lie in him as the lazy husband, but in her with her denial syndrome as well. Any talk about asking her husband to look for a job would be met with the usual response, “My husband is a good businessman.”

I certainly feel nobody should lend her anymore money. If she does not want to help herself by either asking the husband to get a job, by her getting out of the marriage to save her future and that of her kids, then she does not deserve help.

As for this kakak, I just wish her well and hope one day her husband will knock some senses into her head – literally.

Going Without

I have been in a streak of foul mood lately, and I can attribute it to the increase in workload that includes reviewing all 16 over-500-pages-each manuals, the need to fulfill my offshore-visit KPI, prepare another two sets of those manuals for the possibility of two new-build rigs: and each set must be peculiar to each rig. We are still a one-rig operation so hiring an assistant is still out of the question. The management does not think that I would be needing help at this time. My offshore-visit KPI stands at 12 per annum (10 acceptable) and I have only done 5. Apart from that I have to prepare more safety documents in preparation for the rig-down, the sailing from Sabah to offshore Terengganu, the rig-up and the pre-spud. In July I will be doing the same documents for our rig move from one field to another.

What does all the above mean? Lesser time spent with the kids, and definitely hardly any time to go diving. And for those who know me, I’ll be increasingly cranky with each week that I do not dive.

I have initially planned to go diving this weekend as it would be the only weekend available left for me to go diving for at least another month. However, due to company activities and also to my step-son’s sports day, the wife is unable to join me. Not a big deal? For me it is.

Our first dive together as buddies at Tukun Laut, Perhentian - August 2009
Our first dive together as buddies at Tukun Laut, Perhentian – August 2009

Ever since she completed her Open Water Diver and Adventure Deep Diver courses, I have never gone on a dive trip without her; and I have only had her as my dive buddy. What is more enjoyable than having your wife as your dive buddy? Furthermore, she has now become my spotter for me to shoot underwater subjects, and she is a good spotter.

I have thought about it. It would be so difficult for me to go diving alone. I imagined myself diving at the spots we always frequent and I know it would be so different if I were to be there without her, and it is always during those safety stops that I would look at her and she would give me that meow smile and I’d pinch her cheeks. I know she wants me to go, so I could decompress; but the thought of driving alone without her, diving without her…drags me down even further. But if I don’t go, I’d probably be crankier – or not; therefore, I would rather go with her than to go without.

I guess I’ll have to learn to be more patient, and plan another trip hopefully next month if I could, and do that trip with her. She’s my life buddy. So, being with her is worth the wait. Much like the words in Bobby Tinsley’s song:

livin in a world on my own
suddenly won’t do
’cause I found the other half of my heart
when I found you

My dive buddy with a turtle in Sipadan  - 22nd March 2011
My dive buddy with a turtle in Sipadan – 22nd March 2011

Two Mothers

It’s Mothers’ Day in Malaysia tomorrow, and there are two mothers in my life.

My mother was born in Pahang 72 years ago, second of 8 siblings. She became a teacher and while teaching in a town called Mentekab, met my father who was, I think, the District Special Branch Officer based in Temerloh. They got married on 22nd June 1961 (yes, it would be their 50th wedding anniversary next month). Hours after getting married, my father went back to jungle-bashing with the Jungle Squad (predecessors of the Police Field Force, now known as the General Operations Force) in his fight against the communist terrorists there.

That was the kind of life she had, mostly on her own, going to school to teach, while my father went about serving the country, defending its people. She would drive herself to the hospital to deliver her children, most of the time my father was away on duty; and she was also alone when my elder sister passed away at the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital. I don’t think the present-generation of mothers would make it going through 10 percent of what she had to go through being the wife of a police officer back then.

Her teachers’ training college mates would remember her as tomboy-like; she would play pranks on male and female fellow trainees alike, climbing trees to catch snakes and throw them at her friends. She was a gymnast and a diver (not scuba), and played golf and badminton well into her 60s until her damaged knees prevented her from being active in sports forever.

The other mother in my life was born slightly over 36 years ago (I cannot write this as 37 because she would say she was born in late December). When I first met her, she was already a single mother with three children. It was in the month of Ramadhan and she was busy making hampers to be sold to customers, something she had a choice not to do, but did anyway for extra income. She had previously endured countless abuse and beatings during her 10-year 7-year marriage, and continued to endure physical and mental abuse by her then ex-husband, until I literally and physically put a stop to it. Two years after meeting her, I married her, not because it was the right thing to do, but it was right in every way.

My mother enjoys gardening while my wife enjoys cooking. Both have the same passion – eating. I learnt a lot about fine dining from my wife. For me, food is food no matter what form they come in and how they are presented. Both, literally had to bring up their children mostly without the support of their husband back then. My father was busy doing his duty, while my wife’s ex was busy playing Playstation.

No, I am not about to fan the two mothers here in this posting. I just want them to know that all their efforts and sacrifices are greatly appreciated, and I love them both very much.

Happy Mothers’ Day to the two mothers in my life.

Left: my mom and my daughter, Nisaa. Right: my wife

Wasabbi

I am a non-conformist by nature, an anti-establishment when I was a lot younger. In the UK back in the 1980s, I was very much anti-Thatcher and initially supported the cause of the socialist Arthur Scargill and the National Union of Mineworkers during the Miners’ Strike of 1984-85. All that until one day, someone senior woke me up with these words:

A democratically-elected government will not do something unpopular without reasons that would benefit the people

Whether you want to believe in the above or not, is not for me to say, nor do I want you to debate over that particular quote. You either take it, or you leave it.

During my Officer Cadet days I was taught to question orders, not blindly, but by analyzing the logic of an order. I carry this with me until now, I question everything I find illogical. This has put me at odds with some people, especially when it comes to questions on religion.

I find the approach taken by Muslims towards Islam as rigid and totally unfriendly. The problem arises when people who do not fully understand the concept of the religion take it upon them to become the guardian of the religion, guardian of God, so on and so forth. They do things without full comprehension of the dalil (reason or argument) behind things, and what is the history behind the ayats (verses) inside the Quran. They hold books written by Imams and ‘Alims as God’s words inscribed in stone, rather than as mere interpretations by fellow mortals.

Most of all, they fail to use the one thing that God asked us to use which is the ‘Aqli (power of thinking):

And We gave him (back) his people and doubled their number― as a Grace from Ourselves, and a thing for commemoration, for all who have Understanding (al-Quran 38:43)

My approach to Islam is simple. God did not give us this religion and the Quran to trouble us, give us problems etc:

We have not sent down the Qur’an to thee to be (an occasion) for thy distress (al-Quran 20:2)

Therefore, there are lots of things which I deemed as bid’ah (inventions) that are unnecessary and confusing, especially to the non-Muslims. So, I go back to basics. I follow what is inside the Quran as my guide, and the aHadith as-Sahih (sayings and traditions of Muhammad) where the Quran is silent. What I do or don’t do of what is obliged of me is purely between God and I, and not for anyone else to judge – unless if I have plans to lead the country. And because of the above, I have, on occasions been labeled as a Wahabbi.

I’m sorry to disappoint those who label me; but I do not subscribe to one sect as the rest do. Each sect says theirs is the best: so whose Islam is the best? I would rather leave it up to God to deal with that. So, while I would hold on to Islam as my belief, do not expect me to run around burning Israeli flag or demonstrate against those who ridicule Allah because I am just a mortal and Allah is the Supreme Being. I doubt if He needs any help if He can wipe out this whole world just by “breathing.”

But I will continue to whack those who use religion to serve their self-interest; and those who continue to make Islam ridiculous in the eyes of non-believers.

So, I’ll create my own sect that reflects my pungent and fiery attacks towards ragheads: WASABBI