Year: 2008

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Even Superman Needs To Bleed

I’ve always listened to this song, but never bothered to find out its lyrics. It’s been on Spena‘s blog for the longest time. However, I listened to it as I drove around town today and somehow a slideshow of my life played on my mind. So I’ll use the lyrics to reflect upon my life…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I received three e-mails the other day, reminding me of an achievement 10 years ago: I became the 3rd Malaysian to land at the North Pole by parachute. I thanked all of them, but reminded them that I was, and still am looking for that better part of me. I may have done everything (almost), and at this age, I don’t think I can do anything like the feats I have done (North Pole was followed a year and a half later by my BASE jump off KL Tower, and two years after that by my fastest 1000km on a jet-ski feat). Ten years on, I find that the feats I have to perform in life more challenging; and the death-defying stunts I was once synonymously linked to, are just a walk in the park compared to life’s little dramas.

I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

No, it has never been easy being me. My father expected a lot of me, but this recalcitrant has a mind of his own, and we never see things eye to eye…until now. And I used to…and still do…live in his shadows; something I have always been uncomfortable of, because I would rather be known as my own person, than as “that person’s son.” During my Officer Cadet days I used to get extras in almost everything: add another 100 push-ups, add another 200 sit-ups…you name the punishment, I had to do extras…over and above the hundreds already meted out. But I persevered: I rose to ranks on my own merit, and proved that I was better than most.

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

My nephew got married last night; and as I have written a few weeks back, I was not invited by my elder sister. My kids, who were invited, boycotted the wedding. I don’t know what it is that my sister has against me; but like I said, siblings are known to have killed each other for inheritance. I am not money-minded, so I don’t care, really. But what it means is, I will probably never be able to spend another Hari Raya at my parents’ place. So this Hari Raya will be my second alone…maybe. But I know my elder two will be spending their Hari Raya with me this year.

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

One thing is for sure. I am a much happier person now, than I was for the whole of last year…well, at least from April 2007 through March 2008. I now have a life to look forward to, one that is filled with love and affection. It is a life I have always dreamed of, but has always eluded me. I now know that dream will be realised, and that life will be better from that point onwards.

I can only smile now.

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Just The Way You Look Tonight

Dinner last night was great. It was better than expected. Great view, great ambience, and most of all, great company.

Oysters...I was feeling lucky
I was feeling lucky

Smoked Salmon
One of my favourites – Smoked Salmon

Food
Food

Prawns
Prawns

And I sang her this song…

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Deep In My Thoughts

My mind is blank right now.

I am supposed to meet a member of the Perlis royal family for dinner but she’ll be busy through Sunday. So Yummy Baby and I are now thinking where to eat. We have not had dinner alone together for quite some time now…always in the company of great fun friends, that when it comes to having dinner alone, just the two of us…we just do not know where to go. She can’t be cooking every night although she loves cooking for me. I don’t know how many kilos have I gained since then.

So, where do I take her? During the years that she was married to Glaucoma Monkey, and the interim period when she had male-bimbo-suitors, she’s never really gone to a place where it couples as a dining and an outing venue. So, the challenge for me now is to take her somewhere, where the ambience is somewhat good and memorable, and hopefully romantic, too.

Therefore, I shall end this posting, go into a deep-thought mode, and once dinner is over, you guys can read all about it on my Facebook.

So, leave me in my deep thoughts for a while.

Deep in my thoughts

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Meeting An Old Friend

Fazli Sabrin and I - circa 1992
2nd Lieutenant (now Major) Fazli Sabrin, and I, during an ops along the Strait of Malacca

I was with Yummy Baby after DSA08 Plus 2 and have just finished meeting some friends for tea; and as we were leaving, I saw a familiar figure. His eyes widened, and so did mine, and we both exclaimed at the same time, “Woi, Kamdo! “(a way of saying the word ‘Commando’). We hugged each other for quite some time.

Enter Major Fazli Sabrin, RMAF; a test pilot for the Sukhoi Su-30 MKM, the latest air superiority multirole fighter in our Air Force’s inventory. Now attached to No.11 Squadron, based at RMAFB Gong Kedak, Fazli was a junior of mine (by 2 intakes) and, like me, was also a HANDAU (now PASKAU) officer.

Fazli and I first met in 1991 when we both represented the Air Force in the M-16 Shooting Proficiency Test (another term for ‘shooting competition’) at the Kem Syed Putra in Tambun, Ipoh (home of a Army Rangers battalion then). We won. Then early 1992, he was teamed with me in an ops along the Strait of Malacca for six months, and became both my 2-I/C (2nd in Command), and also my best buddy. After the team was disbanded with the end of the ops, I was transfered to Ipoh while he was transfered to what was then RMAFB Kluang (now home of the Army Air Corps).

When the Air Force was facing a shortage of pilots, he volunteered to give up his blue beret for a wing, and reported to Alor Setar in 1994, where I was the OC of No.107 Squadron HANDAU; and he once prepped my aircraft so I could do an evening flight to Langkawi to meet my Thai counterparts for a border intelligence discussions (PC-7s rarely fly after 1600 hours then, except during night flying exercises, and my twilight flight was a rare exception). I chose him to prep my aircraft because I could trust him with my life.

I lost touch with him after I left the Air Force in December 1995, but found out he was flying the Hawks from RMAFB Butterworth.

Poor Yummy Baby had to stand and wait while these two old friends exchanged notes for a while.

It is good to know that a good man like him is now part of the mainstay of the defence of our airspace.

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Maybe I Should Just Go

Tech divers at the Repulse

I received this a moment ago on Facebook:

Greg S. Garthak

2:51pm Apr 24th
the Repulse trip is the 26-30 of Apr. I’m shooting for 3 dives a day on 26, 27 come back refit on 27 the back out 28,29,30 3 dives a day. Your gas mix is ready for you to dive and payment received. Just let me know if you’re coming so we can arrange for your ferry ticket.

Maybe I should just go…

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Pompuan, oh Pompuan

Aku masih teringat pada suatu hari ketika aku sedang duduk dengan diam di sebuah kopitiam sambil melayan hard-on membaca sebuah novel terkenal hasil nukilan Nabakov. Tiba-tiba Friedrich Nietzsche muncul di hadapanku dengan secawan Frappucino.

“Ah, women. They make the highs higher, and the lows more frequent,” katanya, membuat aku tersentak.

“Apa yang buat engkau berkata begitu?” tanyaku kembali sambil menghirup kopi yang ditambah dengan dua shot.

“Perempuan mahukan attention. Perempuan dambakan attention. Dan kau suka berikan attention,” katanya tersenyum.

“Aku hanya berikan attention kepada mereka yang aku sayangi,” jawabku.

“Walaupun kalau kau kecewa diakhirnya?” tanyanya kembali. “Aku sering memerhati engkau dan engkau sering digunakan sebagai emotional buffer. Apakah itu yang kau mahu?”

Aku hanya mampu menggelengkan kepala. “Kau biarkan wanita-wanita yang kegersangan di rumah menghampirimu; memerah setiap hoon perasaan kasih sayang dari hati engkau, dan kemudian bila mereka rasa keadaan bertambah baik, mereka campak engkau macam sampah.”

“Wah! Kasar bunyi tu,” aku membuat remark. “Tetapi apa yang kau katakan itu memang betul. Namun yang menjadi musykil bagi aku ialah, kenapa mereka masih berpegang kepada aku seolah-olah enggan melepaskan aku? Kenapa masih meminta attention aku bila keadaan kembali teruk? Sedangkan, hubungan itu telah lama tamat!”

“Seperti yang aku katakan…mereka dahagakan attention, dan kau berikan yang tidak pernah mereka alami selama ini,” jawabnya sambil mengorek hidung dan menjentik tahi hidung seperti dalam buku Kisah Hidup Seorang Renek Yang Terlampau – Volume One. “Mereka tidak pernah alami physical mahupun emotional orgasm selama ini.”

“Jadi apa yang perlu aku buat kini?” tanya aku kembali.

“Kau concentrate perasaan kau dengan orang yang paling kau sayangi sekarang. Kau curahkan kasih sayang engkau kepada dia, sebab dia memang layak menerimanya. Dia akan buat kau gembira. Lupakanlah kisah kau menjadi tukang jilat puki atau pemampan emosi. Kau layak menerima lebih dari itu,” jawabnya sambil meneguk sisa Frappucinonya.

Nietzsche bangun dari tempat duduknya dan mengenakan kembali overcoatnya di dalam suhu 32 darjah Celcius.

Aku kembali membaca buku Nabakov.

“Ingat!” katanya, membuat aku tersentak kembali. “Anyone who has declared someone else to be an idiot, a bad apple, is annoyed when it turns out in the end that he isn’t. May the Force be with you, always.”

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Take Me Back

Diving Pulau Dayang

I think I’ve been on dry land for too long this time.

Almost three weeks now.

Still sniffling…maybe the air above the sea is too contaminated for me.

Maybe the things above the sea is bad for me.

Maybe it’s time I go back underwater – to be amongst the things that calm me; among the things that do not hurt me; things that help set my mind free.

Maybe it is time…so, please take me back where I belong.

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Go Buy A Flask If You Have Time To Blog

Thermos flask

Thermos vacuum flasks.

Handy stuff.

I remember the old thermos flasks that used cork as cover. Flowery, very Made-In-China stuff. After a few hours, the hot water inside turns cold. Nevertheless, those things worked while better insulation methods were being experimented. Until that happened, we were all at the mercy of very fragile thermos flasks that had this condom-thin glass tubing inside that breaks everytime the thermos falls and hits the ground.

I used to carry one to the office. It would be filled with either of my favourite soups: mushroom, minestrone, asparagus – of course I cannot put in French Onion soup, which is another favourite of mine.

Nisaa broke one the other day. I guess I will have to buy a new one. As busy as I may seem nowadays, I make time to buy flasks. It doesn’t take long: only slightly longer than blogging, and even longer than a short call to ask a friend how he/she is doing; and definitely longer than having to call other people to tell them I’ll be needing my flask because it is a symbolic ritual of this new flask religion I am embracing.

So, go buy a flask, people. It’s cheap, and you don’t have to harrass other people by calling them for one.