Living Without

My scalp feel very tight and shining, my nose is peeling. And that’s the result of being dry for 3 months and going back diving.

If you think that this is going to be one of those post-dive trip postings, you are so wrong. This is going to be about one of the dives done during the previous trip to Tioman.

Often marriage is said to be about compatibility, how similar one is to the other half, what it is about the other half that we can or cannot accept. We often try to see what it is about the other half that we think we can live with, hopefully, for the rest of our life.

But is it really that?

I often wondered what would happen to me should I lose Wifey? And this was the thought that played on my mind while I was diving, brought about by someone’s status on Facebook on the morning we departed Mersing that said something like:

Marriage is not about being with the person you can live with, but being with the person you can’t live without.”

So, that got me thinking, that if I lose Wifey, would I be able to bring myself to go diving ever again without suffering a breakdown.

As in any marriage, each of us has our pluses and minuses. Somehow, I am glad that we managed to iron most things out while we were courting each other, and really like what we saw at the end of it before deciding to live with each other for the rest of our life. There still are times that we’d get on each others’ nerves, but we never fail to kiss each other good night before we sleep, kiss each other good morning when we get up, and kiss and hug each other before we leave for work.

And I love watching her underwater, how she enjoys looking at Batfishes, Yellow Boxfishes, and Pufferfishes among others. When we started dating two years ago this month, she wouldn’t even talk about following me to an island, let alone bask under the sun. Now, she enjoys the salty seawater that would render her treated hair rough, the sun that would turn her skin dark, and she would be dreaming of going back underwater…and I had nothing to do with it. But what has it done for me? I now have a dive buddy whom I love and loves me in return. And I enjoy every dive that I’ve made with her. My whole diving world changed after she took up diving in August of 2009. Even if I had to look after newer divers and pair her off with divers I would trust her with, I would turn to look and see if she was okay.

On the last day of our previous trip, we did the ritual jetty/house reef dive, this time with the newest diver in the group, Bro Rina. After wading the shallows heading towards where the sea bottom slopes, I led the dive to the jetty. In that excellent visibility, I knelt down, folded my arms and watched as thousands of fishes in schools swam above and around us. I watched Wifey and she was all smiles.

Then we all went to the house reef, where a school of almost 30 huge Reef (Broadclub) Cuttlefishes (Sepia latimanus) were spawning, and spent a good 20 minutes watching them. I could see how Wifey enjoyed that dive.

I now have this troubling thought – what if Wifey is no longer around? Would I be able to dive without her? How am I to enjoy looking at the things she enjoys looking at if she is no longer around? How would I feel when I no longer feel that tugging on my fins, turning around to see that gleeful smile on her face everytime she spots something interesting? How would I feel making my safety stop alone without those arms around my waist and she making faces at me? I can only think that I would be very heartbroken indeed. It was when I had this thought that I had a tear or two welling in my eyes, and I held her close to me, kissing her head. Then I cleared my mask as if I had seawater inside it.

Therefore, I know I cannot live without her. Never ever.

My life buddy and I
My dive life buddy and I

4 Replies to “Living Without”

  1. Well my dear bro, we all don’t know what’s in the future for us. We just have to enjoy every moment as it comes. And whatever that happens, at least there will never be a regret because we know we have done our best, we have enjoyed every moment.

  2. The funny thing is, I thought the same too during one of the safety stops the other day. How the hell would I live without you? Will I still dive? Will I have the guts to? Who would I hang on to during safety stops? And while I still have you, I will cherish every moment that we have together. You made my cry 😦 with this posting. So bad!

  3. Owhhhh… sweet of you! And lucky Jazz again!! Hehehe…appreciate the time that we have for now

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