Category: Daily Whatevers

I am suffering from it. Not because I do not know what to write about, but I have so many things that I would like to write about. And everytime my mind starts drafting a post, another event overtakes the previous ones.

One of it is about the usual same circus that we all call the Parliament. We are all guilty of choosing the monkeys that are now performing in there. And things are now getting worse when the MPs, be they from the ruling or opposing coalitions, showed disrespect the Deputy Speaker of the House. That is an insult to the institution, and such acts should not be condoned. The relevant MPs should be suspended from sitting.

The reason people want to rule, to become chosen by the people, is not to serve, but to enjoy the privileges that come with the office. We, the people. would expect MPs and state councillors have some form of decorum. No, in Malaysia that is not the case at all. Everyone’s fighting for the top-most post, and everyone is selling their ideology so that the party they represent can be in power, or continue to stay in power. And for most, it is about being able to make a few pennies here and there. A century ago, people of such stature would behave themselves, be accountable for; and even if they do make riches, it would be communal, not individual. There was no need for “contracts” to sign to represent a promise. It was always the case of “word of honour.”

Nowadays, the rich and the members of such circles of “nobilities” are not necessarily ennobled.

More than 50 years after the British left this country, its people have regressed in terms of race-relations, and it has come to a very disturbing level. 30 years ago I never heard this term called “malay supremacy (Ketuanan Melayu).” Even as it is, this race I shamely call mine, is nowhere near being supreme simply because they have been spoonfed all along, and have lost the motor functions of their hands. They will simply die if not fed by the government. They refuse to accept other languages, citing the need to preserve the Malay language in every single transaction. In the end, the malays lose out because they are only comfortable speaking in their own language. yeah, yeah, maybe the Malay language was an international language 600 yers ago, but nobody wants to buy spices from us anymore. There is nothing that the malays produce that the international community wants badly.

Everyday I would cringe whenever a senior government official makes a statement in English on national TV. I would cringe when seeing the crawlers at the bottom of the TV screen where youngsters and wanna-be-youngsters SMS something in English to the respective TV station. Worse still, having to endure such torture while listening to an English-medium radio station while being stuck in a traffic jam somewhere. Some caller with a strange accent would speak in something similar to English, and your mind works overtime correcting their grammar and sentence structure.

Okay, I’m starving right now, and the longer I stay in front of this screen, the more depressed Wifey’s going to get.

What a writer’s block!

I tell you this. I was looking for an image of DATUK SHAH RUKH KHAN, and I clicked on a link only to find this image:

WTF is an ‘UPGRADATION’ anyhow???

I used to hear of the word when I worked in some company that believed it was the nation’s most-favoured multinational company. After more than two point five years of leaving that dunghole, I decided to search for the meaning of that word and got this:

Results

upgradation was not found in the Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary

Did you spell it correctly?

Anyway, Shah Rukh Khan was made a DATUK for making millions worldwide see the scenes shot in Melaka. And I went: WOW!

Eh, the late Ibrahim Pendek should be awarded a DATUKship by the Pahang state government for making people around the world to see what Tioman island was like back in 1958 where they shot the movie “Bali H’ai”.

Come to think of it, Mollywood film producer Ravichandran should also get a DATUKship from the Yang DiPertuan Agong for having KLCC and KLIA in the background of the song “Remo” for the movie “Anniyan.”

And of course, if the late Ibrahim Pendek is conferred a DATUKship, then Rock Hudson should get one as well.

Oh, don’t forget DATUK DAVID NIVEN for being part of the cast of a movie called “Paper Tiger” shot in KL in 1975 when there was still a BULATAN MERDEKA.

Man, we have so many local people who are deserving of those recognitions and yet the Melaka state government saw it fit to award Shah Rukh Khan who did not even attend the ceremony. That is snubbing on a global scale.

Berhari-raya di tandas awam

VIOLENT CONTENT

If you are below the age of 40 and are not accompanied by both parents, please do not proceed to read this. You have been warned.

The toilet is where you tend do lots of productive things other than to dump crap. I tend to get lots of ideas to write on my blog, or write project papers, magazine articles and so on. But most certainly, toilets remind me of the political situation and of politicians of Malaysia, no matter which side of the fence they are on.

I have this habit of having to read something when I sit on the porcelain throne. The reading material ranges from a novel by Tom Clancy right down to the fine prints on a toothpaste tube; the latter comes in handy when I cannot find anything to read. But if I am on the move and have to use the public toilets, that is when my mobile phone comes in handy. I would say from 2003 I have this thing about taking photos in the toilet booth and sending the images as MMS attachments to be sent to good friends. Sharing is caring, they say. Worse come to worse I’d come up with a simple poem and send it as a SMS.

There was once I was busy sending and receiving SMS to and from a former colleague, only for us both to realise that we were in the adjacent booth. See how technology brings friends together.

Why this shitty story today?

I was having lunch with Wifey when I felt the urge to go (yes, I am capable of going in the middle of a meal, to return and continue eating later). As I enter this public toilet, two out of four booths were already occupied. Two minutes or so after I had entered, the final booth adjacent to mine, found a tenant.

Suddenly, someone let out a fart. The ~PHFFFffffttTTttt~ type. Soon, another guy let out the flabby ~PFPRRFFPRRRPFffRRR~ type. I let loose the long windy semi-silent type with a little ~CRETTttTT~ at the end. Then the guy who came in last gave a loud ~BROOAAAAATTTTT~. And we all laughed out loud.

I quickly send an SMS to Wifey to relate that incident. She was still having her lunch.

That really made my day.

Well, that’s Nigella Lawson up there.

I’m sitting here watching AFC, watching Vivien Tan cooking on the rooftop of some Singapore skyscraper, and began to wonder why can’t Malaysia cook up a cooking program like this, or like Nigella’s. With the exception of Chef Wan, there isn’t anything worth watching. Every single ‘celebrity’ chef will be addressing the audience with the formality of a minister.

“Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, sekarang kita hiris bawang ini halus-halus dengan pisau yang tajam ini, ya?”

What the fork is that? It sounds like some Tauhid session in a mosque after Isya’ prayers.

“Anak-anak, hari ni ustaz akan mengajar mengenai Sifat 20. Sifat yang pertama, ya anak-anak, ialah Wujud. Wujud itu maknanya Ada. Minggu depan kita belajar sifat yang kedua pulak, ya anak-anak?”

Don’t talk about camera angles, la. I doubt that they use MCP. Probably just a single camera and the cameraman’s somewhere in the cafetaria outside having coffee. Sometimes you have a chef cooking something, and they will put an actor or actress as a co-host of the show. And while the chef speaks in that formal tone as per above, you get this bimbo co-host parroting every single word because he/she hasn’t got as much as a rat’s ass-sized idea of what’s happening. Well, I cannot blame them since a squid would probably have a higher IQ than they.

Recently, Wifey pointed out to me that for the month of Ramadhan, they have a religious teacher as a co-host on one of RTM1’s cooking program. And while this chef is busy trying to explain to the audience about the process of cooking a meal, you have this ustaz giving lectures on morality and religion. What cow-shit-for-brain producer came out with that concept? Such a turn-off, that. Imagine this:

Chef: “Baiklah tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, sekarang kita buangkan kulit bawang ini sebab kita tidak memerlukannya.”

Ustaz: “Hatta diingatkan kepada semua supaya tidak membazir kerana perbuatan membazir ini adalah perbuatan rakan-rakan syaitan.”

Go eat the bleeding kulit bawang, you plonk! Why can’t this plonk of an ustaz do more research on the ingredients and find some religious connotation to the word “onion” or something.

Seriously, you watch a Singapore production, you know that they have positioned the program for worldwide distribution, while the ones produced in Malaysia will have to rely heavily on sponsors for airtime.

In the meantime, I shall enjoy watching some mamak cook something in a dirty kitchen in the back lane. More entertainment there.