SeaDemon Says

February 16, 2009

The Monsoon Had Not End Properly Yet When…

I decided it was time to look af them fishies again. I was already coughing like mad from too much of breathing polluted air. Went through the weather forecast like a week before the trip, tide tables, moon phase and so on, and on Chap Goh Mei weekend, Wifey and I, with some of the usual suspects tagging along, went to Tioman again.

Tulai and Chebeh as seen from Salang during lowtide
Tulai and Chebeh islands as seen from Salang during low tide

Good breakfast

Nice sunset

Dances with Cuttlefish

Another one
And another…

Another pair…

Thousands of fusiliers

The resident yellow moray

Renek Kimi
Good dive buddies

Beautiful night

Will definitely go again early March 2009

February 12, 2009

Tragedi Februari

6.30 pagi tadi aku bangun sebab terasa nak melepas. Bagus jugak awal-awal melepas. Senang jiwa aku lepas tu nak baring bergolek-golek, peluk siapa yang patut dan lain-lain kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Lepas aku drop Wifey kat opis dia, aku pun terus ke opis aku. Traffic jam, macam biasa…macam SIAL! Sorry, aku tarik balik. Sial pun lagi elok agaknya. Dah parking kereta, aku pun naik la tangga car park nak ke lift lobby. Aku tekan la butang lift tu. Terasa pulak nak kentut, tapi jenis kentut terencat yang nak kena effort sikit nak kasi keluar. Jadi, aku pun teran nak kasi dia keluar dengan sempurna. Tak semena-mena, aku terasa bahan cecair yang dengan cepat nak mengikut angin tadi keluar. SHIT! Tak sempat aku nak kemut in time untuk menghalang cecair permulaan untuk keluar.

“DAMN!”

Aku pun raba belakang seluar aku. Lepas tu aku cium tangan aku kot-kot ada bau. Tak ada pun. Aku raba lagi, tak ada jugak bau. Sekali aku terperasan ada CCTV camera kat atas tu tengah menghala kat aku. Mesti Pak Guard tu pelik tengok perangai aku.

Bila aku keluar lift, aku terpaksa lalu security punya control center. Pak Guard tu tengok aku sambil senyum. Kimax punya Pak Guard. Nasib baik aku tengah nak berkejar naik lift ke office aku.

Aku sampai tingkat aku, terus aku lambai aje kat receptionist sambil menghala ke tandas. Aku pun masuk dan londehkan seluar aku. Lepas aku sangkut seluar tu, aku pun inspect la seluar dalam aku. Memang terdapat Najis Mutawasitah kat situ. Zatnya kurang, tapi baunya ada. Sangat cipet, okay? Takkan aku nak buang aje underwear aku dan berjalan merata-rata ala commando?

Dalam keadaan tak berseluar, aku pun keluar dari booth aku dan bergegas ke tempat sabun tangan, picit sikit sabun, dan lari balik masuk dalam booth aku. Cepat-cepat aku sental sabun tu dengan tissue lembab, dan lap pula dengan tissue kering. Aku cium lagi…masih ada. Rupanya aku tersalah sental sabun. Aku sental ke bahagian depan underwear tu, bukannya belakang.

Lantas sekali lagi tanpa berseluar aku lari ke tempat sabun tangan, picit sikit sabun dan lari balik ke dalam sebelum ada insan-insan yang terkejut beruk tengok keadaan aku. Kena pulak itu time lepas breakfast. Dah sure ada mamat-mamat yang nak terberak masa tu.

Akhirnya, proses sental-menyental berjaya dilaksanakan jua. Maka boleh dikatatakan underwear aku lembab bersempadankan basah. Ditambah pula dengan cebisan-cebisan tissue yang enggan meninggalkan underwear aku.

Aku pun ambik dalam 1 meter punya tissue dan lapik bahagian dalam underwear aku sebelum aku pakai semula.

Hingga sekarang aku berjalan merata dengan telur yang lembab dan aku gerenti ada banyak cebisan tissue di bontot aku sekarang ni.

Demikianlah tragedi di bulan Februari di office aku hari ini.

February 2, 2009

Reality Checks – Part 1

It’s 2nd February 2009.

There is a thunderstorm outside and Wifey is fast asleep. We were out karaokeing with some of the usual suspects ’til 4am.

This month also signals the 12th month of our being together, and 7 months into this lifelong partnership. And life has been good. Yes, it does have its ups and downs, but there are more ups than there are downs. With us both having gone through bad marriage (with an ‘s’ when it comes to me), we tend to tolerate less crap. However, the thought of how sweet it was when we first met, and how beautiful it was when we actually fell for each other half a year later, would bring us back to reality…thee reality that we have gone through so much pain to end up together, and such a thing is not worth going through another one of life’s painful episode.

I try as much now to maintain the courtship, although the courting period had officially ended last August. But I find it important to carry on courting her, and I still do date Wifey whenever I can. We’d try to have lunch together as often as possible. We still go out, leaving the kids behind, at times even for a weekend. For me, the courting has to go on. We still make fun of each other, tickle each other…swim together and quietly hold each other in the jacuzzi at the pool…stuff like that.

She would carry out her wifely duties of attending to the kids, the household matters – I always say that the kitchen is her forté so she makes the call on kitchen matters. I will only try help do the dishes. To me, she is a superb wife although she can throw a tantrum here and there, especially when the time of the month approaches. Other than that, she is still my cute Bunny Bunny. I love calling her that. She respects me as the head of the house, but at the same time isn’t afraid to voice out her disagreement; and I respect this as she is NOT my subordinate, but is my life partner. I am not always right, neither can she always be.

I love waking up with her. I can’t tell you how many times I had to rush to office after dropping her off because it is always so comfortable cuddling up with her in the morning…and by the time I had dropped her off, I would have some 20 minutes to get to the office. I also love watching her cooking for me. Wifey is an excellent cook. And she would go to lengths just to find the best recipes just to cook something special for me. I know other wives do this as well, but no one has ever done this for me before. One thing I love about this life with her is, we never fail to say or text each other to tell how much we love each other. So, that is good.

I now want to look forward to another 43 good years with my Wifey.

January 30, 2009January 30, 2009

Life Can Still Be Funny

You know it’s still too early for you and for some people when you drive into a shopping mall’s carpark and the security guards are still frantically trying to remove the barriers they had put up the previous night. You walk up the escalator (it was still inoperational) to find your dry-cleaners outlet dark. You walk into a Starbucks and ask for Chamomile Mee. When the cashier asks you “Chamomile Mee?”, you go, “Yes, Grande, hot.”

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but that was what I did just now. Then as I bent forward to plug my notebook charger into the socket, I inadvertently let loose a silent but killer fart. Hey, how was I suppose to know it was going to be a killer one? I blame this horrible smell on the new diet I am on. I rarely get this problem. The worse part was, the smell just lingered and refused to go. And here I was sitting in front of the notebook looking at its screen pretending it wasn’t me but was probably the guy seated in front of me, while the guy at the next table could be seen flaring his nostrils to capture untainted air.

Yesterday, I did the same thing to this couple who were behind me on an escalator in Ampang Park. You should see their face when I farted. It was a lot funnier scene than the funny look they gave me at the top of the escalator later.

What is even funnier was when I read an excerpt from this book called Contemporary Medical Issues In Islamic Jurisprudence by one Qazi Mujahidul Islam Qasmi something like:

1. It is okay for the goat’s upper front teeth to be used in the case of lost front teeth in a human being.

2. Man should use his own organs to be transplanted in his own self. This is to avoid giving the donor sin should the recepient commit one.

3. It is alright to eat the flesh of a dead prophet if there is nothing left to eat.

First and foremost, goats DO NOT HAVE UPPER FRONT TEETH! It is just one big hard gum! Secondly, if both my kidneys fail, which kidney should I use to transplant? And, thirdly, I’ll die from starvation because the last prophet was around 1500 years ago.

And they call themselves the Ulama’ (learned/knowledgeable ones) and have the cheek to write things on medical issues. If I were to ridicule this guy openly, people would brand me blasphemous as if this guy is a god.

This is, indeed, a funny world.

January 28, 2009January 29, 2009

Distressing Journey To Destress

Three days ago I was asked by my cardiologist who happens to be my batchmate at good old Sekolah Melayu Jalan Stesen, to see him at IJN. So that was what I did yesterday.

It has been a stressful week not just for me, but also for Wifey, as none of us knew what was medically wrong with me. We could speculate and all that, but I don’t think it would have done us any good.

Anyway, finding a car park at IJN is a stress-test by itself. If you can keep calm while trying to find ONE space in between any of the 382 cars in a 100-car carpark, then you should just leave the place and go home. Don’t waste time looking for a space. It will kill you if you already have a heart disease.

When we got there, there could have been 3 million people seeking either medical opinion or follow-ups. But having myself registered to do the Executive Screening Package made life a lot easier for me. It was a bit like going through the Customs Green Lane without the customs officers in sight. Did the blood test, urine, before I was ushered into a room to do my lung function test. After weighing me and measuring my height, I sat down in front of the physiotherapist.

PT: “Encik sekarang masuk dalam category obese kalau ikut BMI encik. Kalau Encik dapat kurangkan berat supaya masuk dalam category Overweight pun tak apa.”

Me: “Berapa patutnya berat saya kalau gitu?”

PT: “84 kilo.”

Okay, seriously I don’t know how that is going to work. That is 15 kilograms for me to lose. The last time I actually lost weight was 5 kilos middle of last year. Then I celebrated the weight loss and put on more than I had initially lost.

Then Wifey and I had to wait for my turn to do the stress test on the treadmill. This is the first time I had my spouse waiting with me, and it was a big help. I was having an anxiety attack and I was having some chest pains by then. An hour later, I was ushered into the room. When I got onto the treadmill, and after the leads have been attached to me, there were some concerns. My heart rate was at 107bpm, while my blood pressure reading was at 170/80. Immediately I was asked if I had taken my medication to which I replied YES. Everytime I was about to progress in stage, the lady would ask me if I was okay to progress to the next level. I also replied YES, and all because if there was any anomaly, it would have been detected already. When my BP hit 220/90, she asked me if my body was aching, and I replied NO. In the end, some 10 minutes and 43 seconds after I had begun the test, she asked me if I would like to stop as I had achieved my targeted heart rate. This time I said YES…and added, “Dah pancit.” The last time I did the stress test I stopped on the 12th minute. Not bad, this time, considering I have been quite inactive physically.

Went in to see my cardiologist with Wifey, and was told that I did quite well, and he could not detect any blockages. However, I am a borderline diabetic (I found this out back in October 2007). So, he has prescribed me several medicines to handle my sugar-level, something to “thin” my blood as a preventive measure, and a new medicine for my hypertension. I have also been told to stay away from lots of culinary favourites. He attributes the pain in the chest that I have been having to anxiety and stress at work, and advised me to go back swimming and scuba diving.

Oh well, I have another 9 days to go before I get to dive again. I hope I can survive ’til then.

January 27, 2009January 27, 2009

The Other Hereditary Membership

Institut Jantung Negara - image from Placidway
Institut Jantung Negara – image from Placidway

More than 8 and a half years ago was the last time I went to the IJN. At that time, my father did his second open-heart bypass surgery. That was the time I decided to give up skydiving and flying.

After more than a week suffering from bouts of chest pains, numb left arm and so on, my cardiologist, who was also my MCKK batchmate has advised me to see him tomorrow morning for a full examination, and if there is a need for it, do an angioplasty.

Recently, my counterpart in our JV partner company suffered a heart attack when he was in the Ukraine. His condition is a lot worse than mine is but has so far escaped the need to have any form of procedure done to him. He is now on medication. I hope I am limited to that too tomorrow. The nature of our work is very stressful and I don’t know if I can physically meet that kind of challenge. My mind may say otherwise.

I hope I can pass the stress test tomorrow.

Now, let’s look for a leaked question or two…

January 24, 2009

It’s Going To Be A New Year & I Found Some Old Pics

12.48pm on Saturday 24th January 2009.

I’m still in the office. I cannot complete my paperwork as an important portion is with my colleague and he is still not back from our shipyard located in another state.

Anyway, I found some old pics that I have uploaded into my Facebook album. Let me share some of those pics here with you:

Jumping off a C-130H over Gong Kedak – March 1993

After a jump with Bob at Ipoh airport – March 2000

January 22, 2009

The Empty Vessel

from Best Desi dot com (image from Best Desi dot com)

I don’t know. I woke up this morning with a deep thought.

“If I die, will I get reincarnated? What will I become in my next life, if there is any at all?”

It’s just a thought. But as I sat on the porcelain throne before having a shower, I thought of exploring this thought. Yes, call it philosophical or hypothetical or whatever-have-you.

We have the vegetarians and the meat eaters amongst us. I can be both. Whether I am one or the other depends solely on my mood for the day. I have my no-chicken day and my vegetarian day sometimes. Nothing religious about it. Some vegetarians are so because of health reasons, others because of their beliefs. Some vegetarians believe that the meat we consume is from a vessel that once probably contained the soul of our departed kin, or friend; therefore it is not good to kill animals so that we can consume them.

Reincarnation does not necessarily mean that you and I will be reborn into the body (vessel) of a human being. You could be a cow’s calf where the grass is green and you have nipples to choose from to suckle – in a way, where you are as a calf describes heaven.

As in the movie Little Buddha, a good philosophical movie that is one of my favourites, the soul is like tea in a cup. The cup represents your body (vessel). If the cup breaks (the human body dies), the tea is spilt onto the floor and table where the broken cup lay. The tea that is on the table is your soul, the tea that is spilt onto the floor is your soul, and the tea collected in the sponge when you wipe the tea off the floor and table..is still tea; therefore it is still your soul in that form (tea).

Confusing?

So you may be born either as a human being, or a cow, or a tiger, or a germ, or an amoeba somewhere on this face of this earth. Several questions remain:

1) Since trees etc., are living things as well, won’t we get reincarnated as a tree, or vegetable?

2) So it is okay if I am born again as a tiger and eat you, a cow.

3) It is okay for me to kill insects that could be my grandfathers, using insecticides, to protect the vegetables and fruits.

4) When we achieved Independence, we had only 5 million people in Malaya. We now have 26 million. Since yesterday does not have enough souls to fill up so many vessels created today, do animals get reborn too? If yes, that probably explains why there’s so many crime now, and stupid drivers on the roads.

5) Wait a minute! Aren’t animals supposed to have human souls as well for them to run around in the wild? So the ones that do not have souls, are they the ones that appear dumb?

Okay, now I am confused as well.

6) Should my body stop producing antibodies since my grandma could be one of the harmful bacterium that is inside my tummy right now? (incidentally, I have been to the toilet 4 times this morning).

Okay, I am going to eat meat again today.

January 19, 2009

Let Me Do This Tag

I found this tag on Faisal‘s blog and thought maybe I should give it a shot. So, here goes:

1. Have you ever been on TV?

Yes, I have; mostly when I did my three records (North Pole, first BASE jump, and the 1000km jet-ski). The last time I was probably seen on TV was when KJ and I were seen on the floor of Dewan Merdeka PWTC reacting to Dr M’s resignation announcement in 2002. KJ and I were quite close then.

2. Have you ever sung in public?

Yes, I have. At several weddings, and at two hotel lounges.

3. Have you ever dyed your hair blond?

When I had hair? Yes. But it was fluorescent green and pink.

4. Have you ever eaten frogs’ legs?

I ate a whole frog, minus the poisonous top part.

5. Have you ever received a present that you really hated?

Never. But I loathed the sender.

6. Have you ever walked into a lamp post?

Lamp post, signboard, a closed glass door, and a wall.

7. Have you ever cooked a meal by yourself for more than 15 people?

Only corned beef fried rice.

8. Have you ever fallen or stumbled in front of others?

Yes. Many times over.

9. Have you ever done volunteer work?

Outside work? I used to run a community service center in the Kuang area. It would be suicidal to volunteer for anything in the office.

January 18, 2009

Cherish

It was just the other night, I was probably suffering from anxiety or stress at work when I noticed my heart beating a lot stronger, that I had chest pains…some jabbing sans the numbness that should radiate from my jaw all the way down to my left side and arm if I were having a heart attack. I didn’t want to alarm Wifey. So, all I did was to hold her close to me, calling her softly by her Pet Society’s pet’s name: Tembam-bam (Tembam = podgy), and kissing her cheeks and forehead, telling her how much I love her. She stirred a bit, not realising what was happening.

I will be 43 this July. I term this current phase in this life of mine as Living On Borrowed Time.

Sudden and deadly heart attacks runs in my family. So does Hypercholesterolemia. It was only 4 and a half years ago when I had arrhythmia at the Singapore Expo, that sent me to the Cardiac ICU. That was due to stress. Although I no longer suffer from skipped heartbeats, or that thumping punch from the inside my heart gave me once in a while then, I still suffer from tachycardia. My resting heartbeat is anything between 88 to 120 beats per minute. And since the divorce two years ago, I suffer from Hypertension that has since required me to have my daily dosage of and ACE Inhibitor, on top of the Statin I take for my cholesterol levels. I also suffer from asthma, which I never had until after the divorce.

43, I think, was the age when my paternal grandfather passed away. Before, he passed away, he said to my father who was then 13 years old, “Hanif, tomorrow you will no longer have a backbone to support you.” According to my father, true to his father’s words, the next afternoon my father felt weak as if he did not have any backbone. That was the moment my grandfather died at the billiards hall.

My father suffered his first heart attack when he was 37 years old. I remember how he collapsed one morning in the bathroom. At the age of 42, he had another attack, that sent him to do his first coronary bypass at the Harley Street Clinic at Weymouth Street in London. He had a second bypass when he was 61. He had just celebrated his 70th birthday yesterday.

My younger brother was diagnosed by our cardiologist 2 years ago to have up to 30% damage to his heart. His condition was made worse by the fact that he smoked (he probably still does but at a lot lesser rate). The cardiologist told him that if he continues to smoke, it no longer will be the question of if he would die, but rather when.

Anyway, two days ago after work, while we cuddled in bed after a hard day working, I told her about what had happened the previous night. I asked her where would she have me buried should I die. She was in tears. I know I am prepared to die when my time comes, but I am not giving up that easily. I have only begun to learn to be happy, with Wifey by my side…I want to enjoy this life with her for as long as I can.

Every morning, as I drive us to work, I would (or would try to) hold her hand whenever the traffic lights turn red, or when we get stuck in traffic. And we would say “I love you” to each other when I drop her off at her office building, and this would continue later in the form of Yahoo! Messenger or text messages on the phone.

Whenever I drop her off, I am not sure if I would be alive when I get home next. Therefore, I do not want to miss anything, or have any regrets for the things I did not say or do to her. Sometimes, we take our partner for granted because we always come home alive. But this may one day change.

Try not to miss telling the other half how much you miss him/her, especially before you go off to work. I will definitely try not to miss any opportunity I get.

I don’t know how much longer I have, now that I am playing extra time in this soccer game of life. I may get to play until I win, or I might get taken off the field by the Team Manager above before the referee blows the final whistle. Therefore, I cherish the moments that she and I have spent together, and create more moments for me to cherish. Hopefully, when I go, although she would be missing me, as I would her, I hope she would smile more thinking that we’ve managed to do the best to be happy together and make each other happy.