About 4 days ago, I took a quick nap in the afternoon. Wifey was down with fever and I was home to look after her. I had a sad dream of my youngest, Nisaa. She looked sad and was asking for me. When I awoke from that nap, I sent a text message to my ex telling her that I would want to take the kids out this weekend at 4pm, to spend a little bit more time with them, to which she replied, “OK.”
I know Nisaa whenever she is sad. I know for a fact that she does cry out for me in the middle of her sleep, and it is father’s intuition that I could feel whenever she is sad. I called her up several times to assure her that we would spend a happy weekend outing together, the last being yesterday afternoon when she said she wanted to go to a KFC outlet. It was the eve of Aidil Adha. And although it was supposed to be my turn to spend both Raya days (Aidil Fitri and Aidil Adha) with all my children, I let them be with their mother again this year, not because of choice, but because there was no choice. I simply cannot host all our children here this year. The space is a bit cramped. It is not anyone’s fault. It is something I cannot rectify overnight.
So, yesterday at 3.30pm, I sent another text to my ex saying I was on the way to the house to pick them up. It’s a relatively long drive in an urban area. It’s 35km one way. What more with the rain. To my disbelief, there was no one at home. I called my ex’s phone. It was switched off. Had she been in an area that was out of coverage, the system would have told me so. I called several times more. Still it was turned off. I then called my former mother-in-law’s place to see if they were there. I was told that they would only be there later that evening. I was fuming mad. Wifey felt helpless but tried to soothe my feelings. Ali, Wifey’s eldest, was somewhat disappointed as he was looking forward to be with my son, Farhan. I felt angry because I know the kids would be so disappointed in me for not keeping my promise to see them. And this wasn’t the first time that she had done this to me. And everytime this happens, it would take me some time to win the trust of the kids again.
My ex only sent a text message much later saying her phone was out of order for a while, and that the kids were already asleep.
I felt like crying…because I miss, and have been missing my children so much. Wifey never let my hand go, even throughout the rest of the outing. And that helped cool me down.
Parents, divorced parents especially. I beg you please do not use your children against your ex. They have suffered enough by being innocent bystanders to the problems your ex and you have created, and the scar they bear they will carry for the rest of their life. They do not need anymore damage done to them than what they have already received from you both. God gave you wisdom to distinguish yourselves from those in the animal kingdom. So please be wise.
As for Wifey, I thanked her in a text message for cooling me down. Her reply was simple:
“I didn’t do anything daddy. Love u.”
Selamat menyambut Aidil Adha, people.
Here’s a pic of Nisaa and I in happier times.