Marrying A Single Mother

Now, isn’t that title eye-catching? Whether this posting is going to be another controversial one or otherwise will be seen as it unfolds – and it also depends on my mood at the time of writing this.

This topic came about after my wife kept getting that question:

“Does your husband pay for the food your children eat? Does he pay bills associated with your children?”

I married a single mother. So, what’s the fuss? As any other husband, the moment I marry someone I assume the responsibility of housing her, feeding her, clothing her (this third category is still a subject of contention, being a no-frills person that I am she’d never agree to where I would want to buy her clothes). That is the purpose of the akad in the akad nikah ceremony – taking over the responsibility of feeding and housing her (see, I purposely omitted that shopping-inducing statement) from her wali.

Of course, her being a single mother, I also took in her baggage. She has three lovely children. While trying not to seem to be replacing their biological father (that is all their father is to them – strictly biological. IQ-wise I think they have gotten the superior genes from their mother), I assume the role of the one who feed and house them as well. And knowing that their father would rather play PS2 than look for money to buy fuel power his stupid bike, I know that when these kids get married, I will fork out money for their wedding as well, as any father (less theirs) would. That means, I will have to pay for the weddings of seven kids. Maybe I’ll ask my eldest to wait until she’s 38 before getting married so I can marry all of them together and save cost.

Housing them means I provide them with a roof above the head, I pay the utility bills as well. As with most modern family, my wife and I share the cost of our groceries while I pay for her monthly dives on top of everything else associated with the dive trips (Sipadan however, is an exception to this rule but I bought her a complete dive equipment set). I do wish that I earn double of what I do now so that she wouldn’t have to fork out a single cent for the upkeep of the family.

See, marrying a single mother isn’t all that difficult. As long as you know that when you marry her, you’ll be marrying her children as well. So, you feed her, you feed her children as well. That’s a no-brainer, unless you actually have no brain, are sick, and think you only have to marry their mother – not them. I do know of men who marry single mothers but prefer not to share the cost of bringing up her children and I think that that’s downright cruel. They may not be your own flesh and blood, but they are still your wife’s children. And if you want them to respect you, you will have to earn that respect by respecting their needs too. Only then can you command that respect.

So, you want to marry a single mother especially one that has baggage? You better make sure you are man enough to face the challenges, just as you should be man enough to marry a single woman and raise your child later.