Before I Forget In 2 Days Time

To all the mothers who still read this blog, especially DNAS, Cincin, Liverpool Babe, Betch Club President, SeaDiamond, Meandmylife, wanshana, neomesuff, Fid, Maz, Michelle, Prissy a.k.a Podgykat, Zieta, Lia, srazlin, lucei, Gee, Janet, Angel, Aishah, rozie, Bad, Q, Ame, Esther, Daa – be the great mother that you all are. To Yummy Baby, it’s a tough job handling the kids singlehandedly but I think you are a superb mom and I love you lots and more. To the one who carried me for at least 40 weeks, and lost one 3-year old 40 days before I was born, I love you, Mak. I may not be the one you are happy with, and neither am I happy with the situation I am in right now, if I have to live my life all over again, I wouldn’t want it any different – I am thankful to you and God for who I am today.

May God bestow upon you all, His blessings and protection, so you can all have the strength to continue to fulfill your duties as a mother.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

Happy Mother's Day

My 4-Year Old Car

Naza Ria GS 2.5

It cost me RM800++ to replace all four wheel bearings of my car.

Maybe I should consider an Estima for next year.

Nasi Goreng Kornet (Kata Orang Indon)

Corned Beef Fried Rice
Corned Beef Fried Rice during Sushi Nite

I cried this morning. A revelation came to me after 12 years. After 12 years, my psychiatrist said to me something that brought tears to my eyes, “Wo buhui jiang English (I don’t speak English).”

Mr Gombak4Life has also announced his ticket to freedom; soon he will leave the northern state and start working somewhere in the south. With luck, I shall be working somewhere in the south too, soon. Hopefully.

Idlan has requested for the Corned Beef Fried Rice recipe from Yummy Baby, who in turn has asked me to respond. So here is my response, but mind you this is my masakan orang bujang:

Garlic – 2 ulas, suka hati you nak crush or slice.
Shallots – suka hati (takut ada yang tak suka busuk ketiak) – sliced, diced, suka hati. Bujang main potong aje.
Cooking oil – sikit aje..just to tumiskan the above – and DON’T USE OLIVE OIL. It spoils the taste. There’s a private joke about that too.
Steamed white rice – cold leftovers, please. I’m sure you must have learnt this during SRT classes. And make sure it’s enough for all you wanna feed (otherwise masak diam-diam and makan sorang-sorang aje)
Corned Beef – be extra careful when you open the can. It once sliced my finger and it took 4 days before the bleeding stopped.
Ketjap Pekat Manis – kata orang Indon.

Heat up the oil in a frying pan. Sudah panas kalu, tumiskan the bawang and bawang putih until the aroma ada naik kalu. Then, put in corned beef secukup rasa dan kuantiti. Goreng until senang lerai. Then put in the rice and mix them well. Letak la kicap pekat manis secukup rasa BUT NOT TOO MUCH. Corned beef dah masin and berminyak. Agak-agak cun, tutup api and angkat la the fried rice and wallop.

Oh, the red chilli? Decor aje. Nak cantik lagi letak lampu lip-lap.

Next I wanna try do for any dinner nite would be the Hummuz dip.

Lagu 3 Kupang

Manneken Pis
Piss

Peeing: the act of excreting urine from the body system.

There is that sense of relief once urine has been passed. You no longer have that added urgency that was suddenly added into your routine, and almost always at critical times. Alan Shepard Jr had had to pee in his spacesuit after his first flight into space was delayed by some technical uncertainties. Adult diapers were not there yet for NASA’s astronauts to use.

How many of you have peed in your pants or knickers after the age of 18?

Oh, own up, people!

There was a time when I almost peed in my pants. This was in Hong Kong, and I was caught in the channel tunnel in my limo heading out from the island towards my hotel in Kowloon, on the mainland; and I had just had 16 mugs of pure orange juice sans ice without going to the toilet. After lunch, I went back to my hotel in Kowloon via the channel tunnel that links Hong Kong island to Kowloon on the mainland – and was caught in lunch-hour traffic. I remember struggling to tell my body to hold back that 16 mugs of fresh orange juice firmly in the bladder. After 20 minutes I began to wonder if the driver could smell my urine if I peed inside the limo. Common sense prevailed and I held on, agonisingly, and ran straight to the hotel’s washroom at the lobby without closing the limo door.

Holding back your pee can be disastrous if you suffer from Rhinitis like I do. There I was, rushing to the gents. As I stood in front of the urinal and fingers fumbling with the zipper, the sudden change in temperature from cold to warm, caused me to sneeze. KABOOM! Wet the front of my pants a bit.

Peeing can also be painful. I had had my renal stones removed via a procedure called Ureteroscopy. Basically, it is an intrusive procedure. First, after knocking you out with General Anaesthetic, they stick a guide wire through the dick’s little hole, through the urethra and into the ureter. Then they stick in a Ureteroscope and grasp the smaller stones into a basket, and pull them out of the ureter. For the bigger stone, they actually used electrohydraulic lithotripsy. Sounds complicatingly technical? You must wonder how on earth can all that go through the dick’s opening. Well, at least someone knows why my dick’s girth is big la.

So why is that painful? When I came to, I had the biggest headache, I was disorientated because of the after effects of a GA, and because of all that water that was pumped into my bladder, I felt like I wanted to pee. My lower back ached like hell. I stood by the toilet bowl and tried to pee. Initially, there was nothing. Then there was a kind of blowback, maybe because of the Double-J stent they had left inside my ureter to keep it from swelling shut after the procedure. Imagine all that urine blowing back inside…painful! Then as it passes through the urinary tract, down to the dick, the dick already had cuts inside…arrghh…burning sensation…then I hold my urine back…another blowback. And it wasn’t just urine. Because of the wound, I was also peeing blood…lots of it. Frothing blood filled the toilet bowl, and I was moaning in pain, my hands squeezed whatever I could grab hold of, just to overcome the excruciating pain. For more than a week I was peeing blood.

Two weeks after the procedure, they repeated the process to remove the Double-J stent. Painful…painful. At least someone’s benefiting from the pain I had to go through. Hahaha!

And if you are in a public area, like a mall, do carry enough coins with you to pay for ‘toilet fee’. I had one 20-sen coin and thought it was enough for me. Then when my bladder was threatening to burst, I rushed to the mall’s toilet, only to be refused entry by the Indon female gatekeeper because the fee was 30 sen. God! I did not realise that inflation has caused not only petrol and essential goods prices to go up, but the cost to take a leak as well? As I argued with this Indon, a fellow Indon male and two Bangla male colleagues of hers decided to turn up with menacing look on their faces. They looked a bit like that poster from the movie ‘Pendekar Bujang Lapok’ where Pendekar Mustar, Sudin, Ajis and Ramlee walked towards the camera in unison to confront Ahmad Nesfu and his cohorts. I wasn’t going to be bothered over a fee that costs ‘3 kupang’ (30 sen in Perakian), nor was I going to pee laughing looking at their facial expression.

So I rushed for the stairwell and peed behind the fire-resistant door. Those bujang lapoks can always mop the floor after.

At least I got to pee for free…

BFF – Best Friends Forever, Or, Butt-F***ing Foe?

Nisaa and Farhan asleep
My two best friends: my daughter Nisaa and my son Farhan, both occupy 80% of my bed. This is how they look like when they are not fighting.

Friend or Foe?
I want those who get to know me
to become admirers of my enemies

A friend confided in me yesterday afternoon: not only has her boyfriend’s dumped her for her best friend, her best friend is now bad mouthing her to their common friends. The worse part is they all come from the same organisation – therefore wherever they go they are bound to bump into one another, unless someone quits.

I don’t know what to tell her. She’s been going steady with this guy for a couple of years now; and that is now gone. She is angry, bitter – because her best friend stole him away, and he’s dumped her totally.

I have only one advice for her: move on. Forget him. He doesn’t deserve this friend of mine. No use dwelling over this petty issue. I know it is easier said than done, but this is the best that she can do. There is no point thinking of stupid people.

Some friends are like that. Some live happily spreading rumours about you, or someone who is close to you so that you and the other person this friend likes to talk about, will have a fall out. It gives pleasure in this kind of people that they are above you in the foodchain pyramid: knowing one ugly detail about you is like having opened your Pandora’s box. So your downfall is their happiness.

At least this friend of mine has a reason not to talk to any of the other two. Some can be bitter that you have moved on. Seriously. They break up with you, dump you without thinking twice, expect you to agree to their decision that somehow affects your life badly – but treat you as if they still own you. Then when you move on, they abandon you, and your new partner (especially if she knows your new partner personally). Some friend, huh! To cap that ugliness, some would even call up your ex to talk about your private life. Hey, hello! Which planet are you from? Ex means GONE! Nothing doing! Get a life or get a cucumber and use it on yourself. These are self-centered people who think the whole universe revolves around them. Maybe they get orgasm looking at their own shadow.

Talk about EXs..how do you spell that? Exes? EX’s? Whatever. Some ex still think they own you. In a rather complex scenario, a friend, who is an Ex of someone who is an Ex of another, is still fighting a war with the other two Exs. Okay, that’s a little confusing. Let’s call this friend Ex-A; her ex we call Ex-M, while his other Ex we shall call her Ex-B. Why the odd letter arrangement? M is for male, while B comes after A. Ex-B recently sent an e-mail to ex-M about some gory details of what ex-A did. Question One: why should ex-M care about what ex-A does? She is his EX after all, right? But ex-M goes ballistics and shouts profanities at her. Silly billy. Question Two: why should ex-B even bother doing such a thing, unless she is sick from something she’s ingested over the years. We’ll come to that later.

This reminds me of Glaucoma Monkey who, almost three weeks ago, thought he still had some perverted rights over his ex. I had to whack him to make him understand the reality. Maybe that is the only way for people to understand things – give them a good whacking.

EXs are supposed to remain friends; you have both shared something through the years, or months. But like some friends, EXs can be a pain in the rear. I treat my EXs like friends, but they take advantage of my soft stance towards them. I won’t elaborate here as I have written enough about them in the past. Suffice to say that I am cutting them some long slack and hope they hang themselves soon.

In a related development, there are three common friends. Friend A and Friend B play hockey, but Friend C is a footballer. When Friend A has a problem with Friend D who is also a hockey player, and would like to confide in both friends B and C, Friend B advised Friend A against calling Friend C in because Friend C does not belong to their group – and they are all common friends. Weird? I think I’d stand a better chance at sanity counting the number of stars in the night sky. These are friends who love to run your life for you – dictators in a small sense.

Some are just friends with you because of either who you are, or because they think you should be going out with them. The moment you tell them to back off, they become your enemy. Sore losers.

So choose your friends carefully, and treasure those you can have as best friends. And keep the rubbish out. It’s healthy that way. The rubbish would normally, by some freak chance, come from relatively the same area as the other rubbish. Maybe all their shit’s contaminated their water table – the very source of drinking water that they, in that area, have.

And I am easily amused by this best friend of mine who was imitating every moves of a boy on ASTRO CERIA’s Tom Tom Bak>. She’s one of my best friends. And no one can change that status of ours.

Nisaa dancing and singing

I Miss

I miss you when I woke up this morning
I miss the way you look at me when you wake up
I miss you

Dry And Dehydrated

On the way to Koh Lipe

I sit here and read status updates on my friends’ Facebook profile. Almost all are either already diving somewhere, or going diving tonight. Yesterday, Boatman called me up telling me how diving has been great in Perhentian. Yesterday morning, some friends text me that they were boarding either a speedboat, or a ferry somewhere – all island bound.

Yes, I know I always do that to other divers. I am guilty of spending every weekend diving back in 2005/2006, and spending long durations on islands in 2007, and diving when others don’t, such as during the fasting month and on Hari Raya.

This year, apart from doing jobs underwater, I have only gone on a dive trip ONCE! And I have yet to go back to Perhentian. Well, the last time I was in Perhentian it was during Hari Raya – it was sunny the first day I was there, then it rained like mad, as it did then in my heart – the very reason I went to dive on a Hari Raya.

Perhentian has improved a lot since my first dives there: seahorses, more sharks, marine life in abundance, fantastic marine life at the Sugar Wreck, including occasional sightings of Blacktip Reef Sharks. Come to think of it, almost everywhere has been the same lately.

I have to go back to Perhentian for a recreational dive trip very soon – and I will also need to go and do dives using the Yellow-Box-Of-Death (YBOD) in Tioman. I need more underwater photographs, and I need them soon.

And I can hardly wait…

Let’s Burn Da House Down!

Let's burn da house down, dudes!
Let’s burn da house down, dudes!

“Culture is roughly anything we humans do that the monkeys don’t.”

Looking at the live telecast of the Q&A session during the first day of the first sitting of the Parliament after the last general elections, you cannot see human beings at all.

The Information Ministry should work towards providing the rakyat a channel dedicated to the live telecast of Parliament sittings so we can all see how the simians we have elected will behave, and if they are doing the jobs we have elected them to do on our behalf as our servants.

We chose them. We are their bosses.

Konsentrasi Jejaka Kepala Batas

Huaaarrggh
“HuuuuaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaarrRRrrgggGGghhHHHHhh~*”

Awat nih?
“Lerr…awat nih? Payah betui nak celik mata…”

Tongkat
“Tak pa…aku tongkat lagu ni depa ingat aku dok konsentret…”

Jatuh
“~*zzzZZZzzzzzZZZzzz….*snort*…eh, terjatuh plak muka aku…”

Islam Hadhari stance
Ah, tak pa…aku buat lagu ni nampak macam aku dok ngaji Qur’an…nampak la aku promote Islam Hadhari sambil bersidang baca Qur’an…”

Pssst...
“Pssst….wei…Pak Lah dengan najib dah tidur…apa lagi, jom la tidur…diorang tak nampak!”

Jangan kacau
“Okay…aku tidur. Jangan kacau aku!”

Tidor
Tidor
“Presiden dengan Timbalan dah tidur, kita apa lagi…ikut teladan pemimpin la!”

Best tidur
“Best la meeting macam ni…boleh tidur….so jom kita para tetamu, tidur juga!”