Lagu 3 Kupang

Manneken Pis

Peeing: the act of excreting urine from the body system.

There is that sense of relief once urine has been passed. You no longer have that added urgency that was suddenly added into your routine, and almost always at critical times. Alan Shepard Jr had had to pee in his spacesuit after his first flight into space was delayed by some technical uncertainties. Adult diapers were not there yet for NASA’s astronauts to use.

How many of you have peed in your pants or knickers after the age of 18?

Oh, own up, people!

There was a time when I almost peed in my pants. This was in Hong Kong, and I was caught in the channel tunnel in my limo heading out from the island towards my hotel in Kowloon, on the mainland; and I had just had 16 mugs of pure orange juice sans ice without going to the toilet. After lunch, I went back to my hotel in Kowloon via the channel tunnel that links Hong Kong island to Kowloon on the mainland – and was caught in lunch-hour traffic. I remember struggling to tell my body to hold back that 16 mugs of fresh orange juice firmly in the bladder. After 20 minutes I began to wonder if the driver could smell my urine if I peed inside the limo. Common sense prevailed and I held on, agonisingly, and ran straight to the hotel’s washroom at the lobby without closing the limo door.

Holding back your pee can be disastrous if you suffer from Rhinitis like I do. There I was, rushing to the gents. As I stood in front of the urinal and fingers fumbling with the zipper, the sudden change in temperature from cold to warm, caused me to sneeze. KABOOM! Wet the front of my pants a bit.

Peeing can also be painful. I had had my renal stones removed via a procedure called Ureteroscopy. Basically, it is an intrusive procedure. First, after knocking you out with General Anaesthetic, they stick a guide wire through the dick’s little hole, through the urethra and into the ureter. Then they stick in a Ureteroscope and grasp the smaller stones into a basket, and pull them out of the ureter. For the bigger stone, they actually used electrohydraulic lithotripsy. Sounds complicatingly technical? You must wonder how on earth can all that go through the dick’s opening. Well, at least someone knows why my dick’s girth is big la.

So why is that painful? When I came to, I had the biggest headache, I was disorientated because of the after effects of a GA, and because of all that water that was pumped into my bladder, I felt like I wanted to pee. My lower back ached like hell. I stood by the toilet bowl and tried to pee. Initially, there was nothing. Then there was a kind of blowback, maybe because of the Double-J stent they had left inside my ureter to keep it from swelling shut after the procedure. Imagine all that urine blowing back inside…painful! Then as it passes through the urinary tract, down to the dick, the dick already had cuts inside…arrghh…burning sensation…then I hold my urine back…another blowback. And it wasn’t just urine. Because of the wound, I was also peeing blood…lots of it. Frothing blood filled the toilet bowl, and I was moaning in pain, my hands squeezed whatever I could grab hold of, just to overcome the excruciating pain. For more than a week I was peeing blood.

Two weeks after the procedure, they repeated the process to remove the Double-J stent. Painful…painful. At least someone’s benefiting from the pain I had to go through. Hahaha!

And if you are in a public area, like a mall, do carry enough coins with you to pay for ‘toilet fee’. I had one 20-sen coin and thought it was enough for me. Then when my bladder was threatening to burst, I rushed to the mall’s toilet, only to be refused entry by the Indon female gatekeeper because the fee was 30 sen. God! I did not realise that inflation has caused not only petrol and essential goods prices to go up, but the cost to take a leak as well? As I argued with this Indon, a fellow Indon male and two Bangla male colleagues of hers decided to turn up with menacing look on their faces. They looked a bit like that poster from the movie ‘Pendekar Bujang Lapok’ where Pendekar Mustar, Sudin, Ajis and Ramlee walked towards the camera in unison to confront Ahmad Nesfu and his cohorts. I wasn’t going to be bothered over a fee that costs ‘3 kupang’ (30 sen in Perakian), nor was I going to pee laughing looking at their facial expression.

So I rushed for the stairwell and peed behind the fire-resistant door. Those bujang lapoks can always mop the floor after.

At least I got to pee for free…