Category: Daily Whatevers

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ISA

Mat Yoq

I attended my batch’s annual sahur last night and among those attended was Yahya Sahri, the former Special Officer to the Menteri Besar of Selangor, and is now an aide to a certain opposition (depending which side of the fence you are looking from) politician. The topic revolved around Selangor politics and someone asked him why was a certain Selangor politician sounding like a mentally-ill person.

“Oh, dia masuk ISA dulu,” replied Yahya, commonly known to us as Mat Yoq. “ISA ni siapa masuk mesti tak berapa betul punya bila keluar. Bapak SeaDemon dulu kendalikan ISA ni effective betul. Sampai sewel orang dibuatnya.”

I looked at him stone-faced and quipped, “Diorang masuk kejap aje dah complain. Aku seumur hidup dengan orang tua tu. Sebab tu aku macam ni!”

And they all laughed hysterically…

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Merdeka?

In some ways, I would think that this is a great country to live in. Other than in Bangkok, Singapore or Bandar Seri Begawan, Kuala Lumpur is the only place I can walk around free in the middle of the night without getting mugged or anything like that. Of course there has been cases of robbery and murder here and there, but generally you can walk around feeling safe. A good indicator is the number of expats working here in Malaysia, both legally and illegally. Wifey and I have nicknamed the extremely high-density high-end apartment complex next door as Seri Umaya because it looks like Beirut especially at night – minus the occasional bombing by Israeli fighter-bombers or some dumb ass blowing himself up.

52 years of self-rule has brought all that about. If P Ramlee were to wake up from his grave now, he might say he’s in a parallel world where the city resembles a bit of the KL he used to know.

It hasn’t been easy. And I would say that race-relations now is at its lowest since the May 1969 tragedy. It was a lot better immediately after. People were more tolerant of each other in the aftermath of the tragedy, but not now. And as long as we all look at ourselves as Malays, Chinese, Hindus, Peninsular, Sabah, Sarawak, BN, PR, Muslims, Christians, Hindus…we will never be one. And for this failure, we only have ourselves to blame. Let’s stop pointing fingers to the politicians who run the government of the day, or the selfish bastards in the opposition who are bent on trying to reap whatever they can in case they don’t make it back onto the throne come the next general elections. If we fail to unite, it is because we fail to see who we are. We fail to identify with the country we live in.

Malaysia has always been a melting pot. For at least 1,000 years. Traders, missionaries from all over the world set foot here time and time again. If we do a DNA test on our blood sample right now, there is that slight chance that we’d have a hint of DNA similarities to the dried sperm scraped from some illegal contract workers’ kongsi, or to a student from Africa somewhere. Yet, we are a xenophobic lot, and we often look down on those whose colour of skin is darker than ours; or on the Bangladeshi PhD holder who perhaps earns more here as a waiter in a mamak restaurant than a researcher back home. We often forget that those who walk the planks on top of a high-rise under construction often without form of harness, some perish and some don’t, are the ones who keep the economy growing.

When this country was 16 years young, I still remember how tolerant people in this country were towards each other. I went to a missionary school where the Principal was dressed in a white robe, and the wall of our classrooms were adorned with the crucifix. It was a time, 4 years after 13th May, where Malays, Indians and Chinese would eat together, and play together.

Having done with my elementary education, I went on to the Malay College, an institution some non-malays now think is the epitome of malay-chauvinism. Let me see how true this is by trying to recall the name of the teachers who taught me there: Ustaz Rahman, Cikgu Abdullah Sani, Cikgu Mustafa Kamal Rabah, Cikgu Mustafa Kamal Ishak, Cikgu Wahab, Cikgu Rahim, Cikgu Zambri, Cikgu Shazali, Ustaz Yusof, Mr Phang Chee Keong, Cikgu Toh Ah Huat, Cikgu Tan Gim Hoe, Cikgu Ooi Guan Kok, Cikgu Loh Teik Sze, Mr Amirthalingam, Mr Nadarajah, Mr Purusothanam Panicker, Cikgu Raman Naidu, Mr Leong Chee Seng, and my Physics teacher as well as my English language teacher whose name I cannot recall at this very moment – both non-malays. So, I was taught by 12 non-malay teachers compared to 9 malay ones. Contrary to popular belief, the Malay College never taught any of us to think that we malays are superior to the other races in this country.

My first taste of racism was when I went to England after SPM, not just from the English students, but also from some of the lecturers. I was subjected to racist attacks both in and out of college. But unlike other malays, or other races from this country that I met there, I did not yield and did not stick to my own kind. Instead I had to think two or three steps ahead of the whites. I got into a fight with a group of white boys who threw snowballs that had rocks hidden inside them. What did I do? I went for the group leader and beat him up and disregarded all the rest while they were punching and kicking me from behind. Once they see their leader all bloodied, they scarper like stupid wild dogs. When a lecturer asked me cynically about my somewhat good command of the English language and where did I learn it from, I just said, “On the plane on the way here.”

I was wrong to be happy about leaving all that behind three years later to return to Malaysia because the Malaysia I returned to was different. I could see its people being suspicious of each other. This attitude caused race relations to simmer, and culminated in the Ops Lalang of 1987. Let me mention something about Ops Lalang. My father did not take orders from the then Prime Minister to execute the operations. In fact, he had had a meeting with all his directors and the top Special Branch people in Fraser’s Hills prior to that to plan the whole thing. And I remember him talking sternly to the Prime Minister over the hotline warning the latter that he would be arrested too if he did not keep the rest of the politicians leashed properly.

Look at where we are now. Multi-polarity is so huge here that we see ourselves according to racial, religious and political background. People are more extreme in their thinking and are keen to blame everyone else but themselves.

There is a saying: “An empire does not crumble because of outside forces; it crumbles from within.”

Stop blaming the politicians. They are idiots who are supposed to represent us. We’re supposed to be the ones with brains to think and assess the situation. If they continue to dwell in their own stupidity, and promote racial tension, are we supposed to just listen to then blindly and let things crumble? If you think either BN or PR is right, or wrong, or that you and your religion are superior over others, then you are as stupid as the politicians are.

Selamat Menyambut Ulangtahun Kemerdekaan ke-52.

Do you think there will be 52 more years of this?

SeaDemon's way of celebrating Merdeka

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I’s Speaking Good England

Wifey’s latest (as on 27th July 2009) Facebook status begs ASTRO to stop having multilingual options for English programmes especially on Playhouse Disney Channel. She was seething with rage when she discovered her two younger children have been watching English cartoons dubbed in malay. My younger kids did that too when they were staying with me, and they received the literal rap on the knuckles whenever I catch them doing so. ASTRO should really think of the impact such options have on the ability of the children to have a good grasp on the English language. Even I still have trouble with mine.

This brings me to an event I attended last week, that was also attended by members of a foreign (mainly White) company that is a client of the host. When you do not have a good grasp of the lingua franca, you stand a good chance of making yourself a laughing stock. I know for sure that the MC had had a script written according to the running-order of the event; to say what after what and so on. Despite the script, her English was as good as mine when I was seven years old. Among the things she had said on that day were:

“Good morning to all. I’ms the MC for today’s events.

Mind you, she’s the Corporate Communications Assistant Manager from the company that was hosting the event. And after each guest’s speech, she’d say things like:

“That was a good speech by Mr So-And-So. Please give him a round of applause!”

Then, the representative of the foreign company was invited to speak. The relationship between the foreign company and the host has never been cordial. So, the representative did not mince his words, whacked the host for giving the former a product that did not quite meet the specifications, so much so that the CEO of the host’s company’s face was red with probably both embarrassment and anger. And guess what the MC read from her script:

“That was an outstanding and inspirational speech from Mr Pissed-Off. We hope that this very goods relationship betweens our two company will be carry on like this. Once again, let’s give Mr Pissed-Off a round of applause!

I cringed and looked behind me, at the other guys from the foreign company, chuckling with disbelief. They clapped their hands in the manner that one would after watching a good stand-up comedy act. It was obvious the MC did not have a hint of comprehension of what had been said in the speech.

Trust me. When the Language Nationalists finally have everything their way, we’ll hear more from the likes of this MC…or worse.

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Because You’re My Wife

I wrote this when I was doing the ‘D’ on the Porcelain Throne just now. This is for Wifey, and it’s called “Because You’re My Wife.

I write this because you’re my wife

Sometimes in the morning you forget to kiss me
But I know you can’t always please me
Because you’re my wife

There are times that you get grumpy
But I try not to feel all lumpy
Because you’re my wife

You steal the blanket sometimes at night
But to me that is funny and quite alright
Because you’re my wife

And sometimes you’d fart in your sleep
I smile even though the smell makes me weep
Because you’re my wife

Despite some shortfalls and come what may
I’ll love you forever, not just today
Because you’re my wife

John F SeaDemon
The master toilet of Villa 6A
Swiss Garden Damai Laut,
Lumut, Perak
26th July 2009

I love you, Baby!

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In God’s Grace

A junior of Wifey’s, Siti Marlina binti Zainal (STF 89-93), returned to God’s grace on Monday 6th July 2009, after a 5-year battle with breast cancer. I left a comment on her final posting to inform her readers that she is no longer with us.

For all you ladies, and husbands, do read her blog, and an article she wrote on her earlier battle.

The Sky Is Red

Radiology Malaysia – I Lost My Breast But Not Everything Else!

And do say prayers for her, and for the family she’s left behind.

The late Siti Marlina - pic courtesy of Radiology Malaysia

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As I Turn 43

Here I am, in Miri.

It is 1.07am on my 43rd birthday. I fell asleep for a while just now but woke up when I remembered I had not taken my medicines. In a little over 7 hours, I will be going to the yard to give a speech on behalf of the company and launch our latest vessel.

And I feel contented.

I feel contented because I feel I’ve done it right this time around; I feel contented because I now have someone very special in my life; someone who is truly a wife.

I feel contented because I have four lovely children, and in addition to that, I have three lovely step-children.

I now have one great sister-in-law (plus her crazy but fun hubby), two great brothers-in-law.

I also have very close friends who are also part of my ‘other’ family.

And I have a great brother, and cousins.

And I have me…a new me…whose total cholesterol, blood glucose and blood pressure levels are within good range.

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Ben – My MJ Experience

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I’ll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You’ve got a friend in me

I grew up listening to that song, Ben, that was released when I was 6 years old. I never really understood the meaning of that song, and had never bothered to find out either.

I was never a fan of Michael Jackson’s. But along my life’s timeline, there was always an MJ influence here and there. The album Off The Wall (released 1979) had some memorable tunes in there that I still listen to up ’til now, and especially Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough. That was the song I listened to when our family took a drive up to Penang during one of the school holidays in early 1980. That year, a single of a song that is still one of my MJ favourites was released – Heartbreak Hotel. I listen to it still as I drive to work. Then, of course there was the all time hit album Thriller (released in 1982), and the songs in there were like on the charts even when I went off to England to further my studies in 1983. The ever-so-famous Moonwalk inspired lots of youngsters in my Bletchley neighbourhood to imitate MJ’s every move. Bad was released in 1987 when I was in the Air Force, Dangerous in 1991 when Air Force colleagues and I would frequent a pub called Traffic Lights in Damansara Utama, and then the Life Center in Kuala Lumpur to follow a band called Cash Band that had Black or White in their repertoire. After HIStory, I stopped listening to MJ except for his old songs because I thought that the album was more personal than anything else. Nevertheless, I enjoyed You Are Not Alone.

Then of course there were the scandals that plagued him. I regarded those as opportunists taking advantage of his wealth, trying to make quick bucks. However, although he was acquitted, I don’t think he ever recovered from those vicious attacks, his victories were very Pyrrhic in nature. He became the subject of bad jokes and scathing attacks from various quarters. And no matter that his looks and character fluctuated between the sublime and the ridiculous, MJ had always been Ben to millions of his supporters.

And yesterday, 26th June 2009 at approximately 4.00am Malaysian time (25th June 2009 in LA), Ben left the world, where half its population regarded him as a freak, and the other half that have always loved him, for good. It is easy to ridicule a person because it is far easier to forget the good deeds he had done for the world, the hopes he had brought to many in despair. It is always easier to make fun of others because it is only human to feel great when stepping on others.

And now Ben is gone. And as mentioned, I was never a fan of his, he will always be that Ben, to me, and to million others.

Ben, most people would turn you away
I don’t listen to a word they say
They don’t see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I’m sure they’d think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben

There will never be another friend to the world like Ben.

Rest In Peace, finally, Michael Joseph Jackson.

Ben - from Jensenbrazil's site

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I Cannot Write Funny Stuff

But I would like to have Schrödinger’s cat. Or something similar.

Maybe a Schrödinger’s 250-gram-Medium-Well-Tenderloin-Steak. As in the case of the Schrödinger’s cat this would be an imaginary steak that I would put onto a plate for my dinner. If I feel full after doing that, then the steak would have been eaten. If I still feel hungry, then it would mean that the steak is still on the plate, untouched. Okay, let’s stop talking about quantum mechanics for a while. I actually feel hungry right now and I blame it on El Nino. It has caused the weather to be very hot that I have been drinking a lot and without the mood to eat anything. Now, at almost midnight, I feel very hungry.

Wifey tagged me early today after she was tagged by her friend, DNAS. The rules of this tag is as follows:

o Write five (5) interesting facts about the person who gave you this award.
o Jot down ten (10) interesting facts about yourself or your hobbies.
o Pick your ten (10 or less) most deserving recipients and describe them.
o Leave a comment on the recipients’ blog to tell them they’ve been tagged.
o Paste the award badge in your sidebar. (This I cannot do. I am NOT on Blogspot.)
o Have fun

This was what Wifey wrote about me:

The Diver – aka John F Seademon, aka The Demon, aka my beloved hubby. Fresh out of my divorce, I bumped into his blog, and it was the first time that I actually CRIED reading some guy’s blog. Cheh. He’s an excellent writer, funny and witty and ridiculously smart. I envy him. And he has a memory of an elephant.

Part One – The 5 Interesting Things About Wifey

1. She’s a superb cook. Cooking is a therapy for her. A disaster for me. I will always find it difficult to resist eating her cooking because of two reasons: a) they are always good, 2) she’d sulk if I didn’t touch her cooking.

2. She writes very well. I always tell her that she writes better than I do, but she would always insist that it is the other way round. Her writings are much more articulated than mine are. I may have lots of ideas to pen, but when it comes to actually writing them, Wifey beats me hands down.

3. She’s a “brand” person…besides being a “branding” person. She knows her brands. I only know Brand’s Essence of Chicken.

4. When I first dated her, she was known as an anti-outdoorsey. You will never catch her doing stuff outside. When we first planned to go to an island back in May 2008, she would whine about the fact that she hated the sea, and that the sea would spoil her hair. When I came back from my first dive of the trip, she was missing, and there was no way I could go back to the room.

Guess where she went?

Snorkeling.

10 months later she did her first scuba dive.

5. Whenever the alarm goes off in the morning, she put it on snooze, turn to face me, and hug me in her sleep. We’d always be late for work.

Part Two – 10 Interesting Facts About Me

How can anything be interesting about me?

1. I started this blog so that it could be a journal for my dive trips. I write more on other things than I actually do on diving.

2. I was trained to kill, but I can cry watching America’s Got Talent. Crap!

3. I write better when I am sitting on the porcelain throne. As crap gets dumped, more crap gets churned out inside my head.

4. Since I started working, I have worked in an airline, the air force, the security industry, the telecommunications sector, underwater, and as at present, the oil and gas industry.

5. I like to read anything that has to do with history, current affairs, space exploration…basically anything non-fiction that has to do with those mentioned topics.

6. I have been to the North Pole back in 1998.

7. I was the first person to organise and perform a BASE-jump in Malaysia.

8. I still cannot believe I am married to Wifey. She had the hots for my father when I got to know of her.

9. I have a nickname for each of my children given based on some weird thing or event.

10. I love to drive fast. Period.

Part 3 – And The Award Goes To:

1. Wifey – the rule did not say that I cannot tag the person who tagged me. But I love this woman very much. (Kena bodek…malam-malam nak pakai, bhai!)

2. Aiz – I met her the first time during Burger Night. She may be the ultimate drama queen (aren’t all Srikandis are?) but I love hr blog.

3. DNAS – Minah yang seemingly garang except when she’s baking cupcakes. It’s hard to believe that she is actually in the IT-sector.

4. Mat Gebu – this mysterious person, whom I . through deductive reasoning, think lives somewhere in Johor, and lives to cook. He seems to be a very good cook, a very creative person, and is the source of my midnight hunger pangs. I would love to meet this guy.

5. Mocha – a dive buddy of mine who is now on his final leg of his tour in the army.

So guys, please copy this image and put it on your side bar.

award

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Six Months Into The Year

Do you know that porn websites are the biggest culprits in spreading viruses to your computer? Imagine watching Pamela Anderson blow Tommy Lee and suddenly your computer has the cyberspace version of an STD.

Seriously, I don’t know what to write about. I sometimes think that I have lost my ability to write freely since having to write things structurally…like project papers, or briefs, or management reports and so on. Ever since my return from Tioman last Wednesday, I have been asked by my boss to prepare a management report for the Board of Directors meeting due in over a week, I have to prepare an organisational chart, as well as basis for posts, and job descriptions for the senior managements and executives of a subsidiary; I have been given this 3-inch thick Invitation To Bid, to study the technical specifications of the vessels required by this bid, and HUNT for the vessels required; I have been asked to coordinate with other departments and subsidiaries, as well as sister companies for the upcoming Oil & Gas Asia 2009 exhibition come Wednesday. On top of that, I have to identify the courses I have to attend that are relevant to what I am doing; I have to negotiate with shipyards, shipbuilders, as well as ships’ brokers; and do my day to day job of managing the operations of the company and its assets.

I seriously wish I could clone myself.

Ever since coming back from my BOSIET-course, my boss has made plans for me: to not only be the Operations Manager as what I now am, but also THE Corporate HSE Manager (BOSIET stands for Basic Offshore Safety Induction and Emergency Training). And all this because when applying for my BOSIET course, I insisted on going for the OPITO and OLF-approved one (OPITO is the Offshore Petroleum Industry Training Organization based in the UK while OLF is Oljearbeidernes Fellessammenslutning, or the Norwegian Oil Industry Association), simply because I want whatever I do to be recognised globally, and not just by the national oil company. Soon, I’ll be doing courses like NEBOSH, Major Emergencies Assessment for Offshore Installation Managers, HSE Auditor and, last but not least, Accidents Investigations. No, I am not positioning myself as a Rig Manager-to-be, but just so that it would add value to the company, and our blue-eyed-blond-haired drilling partners would not have any holes to squirm through just so that they can dismiss their brown-skinned partners as inferior beings. Most importantly, the qualifications would enable me to do my job better whenever I am required to “visit” any of our rigs or vessels.

I will still find time to do what I love most – being underwater; and apart from the occasional visits to the rigs and vessels, I will still not be required to stay back late in the office.

I may have more than tons to do now compared to what it was like half a year ago; but receiving my bonus after only a month and a half of being with the company, and my recent 25 33 percent pay hike, probably means the company, or at least my boss, recognises me for my abilities and capabilities.

And best of all, I still get to spend time with my family daily…and go diving during my free time.

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More Tasks, More Pay (Hopefully)

Upon my return to the office after a week’s absence, I was summoned into my CEO’s office. With him inside was a subsidiary’s Business Development Manager.

“Dato’ wants you to be the HSE Manager for two subsidiaries over and above your current pose in the holding company. Are you okay with this?” my boss asked me.

“As long as I’m paid for each of the posts I’ll be taking up, and sent to attend the relevant courses,” I replied.

“Whatever it takes,” he replied.