What a year it has been. A year ago at this time, I was making my way out from the gym heading towards Raja Zarina’s house for a somewhat sombre gathering. I was still recovering from an extremely bad fall, while she was doomed to spend another new year’s eve alone, although not by herself. We were joined by Feisal, Rozie, Nafi and Chor.
I can still remember how painful it was then. I had to put on a facade and posted so many crap on this blog, just to show people how happy I was, or rather, that was how I wanted people to see me as – a happy soul. Somehow, I told myself that having fell badly, the only way for me to fall in 2008 was UP. But I remember having to crawl again before I could begin to relearn how to walk. Now I am walking the pace of life at my own stride…giant strides, as divers would. Come March, I was ready to fall again; but the ground would have to be the sky.
That was the month Wifey truly found her place in my heart. She had always been there, platonically: the close friend whom I’d turn to at times whenever I was down. But I could not really rely on her as she was half a year out of an ugly divorce that was preceded by a lengthy separation from her ex-husband. And when I fell badly, she had to walk away from me; a good decision on her part, as she would have ended up as a rebound-girl. To cut a long story short, it went well. She is now my life partner, my soul mate, my best of best friends, my lover, my quarreling partner, my shoulder to cry on, my tears, my joy.
The first half of 2008 was spent recuperating emotionally. But whether I have truly recovered from all the pain that I have been feeling all along, I don’t really know. There are times when I am truly happy, but there are times where I will be thinking and wishing for things to happen, not differently, but having things fall into place as I would like them to.
I have always been both the father and mother to my children. My ex was supposed to be busy with politics, but she was busy cheating on me as well, using politics as a front. She would leave home around 8 in the morning, and return home only around 3am to 4am. As a result, I would spend a big chunk of the 24 hours in a day tending to the children. This year, having found my final shot at happiness, I had to leave the responsibility of looking after the children back to my ex. I miss my children…very much. But I know as they grow much older, they would be able to understand why I do certain things. At least my two elder ones are happy for me, although I know they wish they could be with me.
2008 was the year I decided to go back to 9 to 5. Although closely related to the sea, I do mostly behind the scenes of the oil and gas industry, and not at the forefront of it. Nevertheless, I still do something related to one of the things I love most – the sea. But I do it mostly because I am no longer as healthy as I used to be, back in 2007. My health is deteriorating, and I can feel so. But at least, I am still able to feed my children, as well as Wifey and her children.
2008 ended well for me. On the last day of the year, I had had a fruitful day, my papers had gone through and the board has agreed to my recommendations. That would also mean some ‘extra income’ for me. I spent time in the office ’til 7pm, before joining Wifey and the Usual Suspects at PNB Darby Park to usher in the new year. We had dinner, hosted by Gemgem at Benkay, Nikko Hotel.
It is 28 minutes to midnight. This shall be my last posting for the year 2008. A year that started off with pain and sorrow, but, as I had wanted 2008 to be, I fell upwards. The only way I had wanted to fall. And upwards, there is no ground…only the endless sky for me to soar high and higher.
May 2009 be a happier year for us all.
Happy New Year, friends.