Category: Daily Whatevers

Three days ago I was asked by my cardiologist who happens to be my batchmate at good old Sekolah Melayu Jalan Stesen, to see him at IJN. So that was what I did yesterday.

It has been a stressful week not just for me, but also for Wifey, as none of us knew what was medically wrong with me. We could speculate and all that, but I don’t think it would have done us any good.

Anyway, finding a car park at IJN is a stress-test by itself. If you can keep calm while trying to find ONE space in between any of the 382 cars in a 100-car carpark, then you should just leave the place and go home. Don’t waste time looking for a space. It will kill you if you already have a heart disease.

When we got there, there could have been 3 million people seeking either medical opinion or follow-ups. But having myself registered to do the Executive Screening Package made life a lot easier for me. It was a bit like going through the Customs Green Lane without the customs officers in sight. Did the blood test, urine, before I was ushered into a room to do my lung function test. After weighing me and measuring my height, I sat down in front of the physiotherapist.

PT: “Encik sekarang masuk dalam category obese kalau ikut BMI encik. Kalau Encik dapat kurangkan berat supaya masuk dalam category Overweight pun tak apa.”

Me: “Berapa patutnya berat saya kalau gitu?”

PT: “84 kilo.”

Okay, seriously I don’t know how that is going to work. That is 15 kilograms for me to lose. The last time I actually lost weight was 5 kilos middle of last year. Then I celebrated the weight loss and put on more than I had initially lost.

Then Wifey and I had to wait for my turn to do the stress test on the treadmill. This is the first time I had my spouse waiting with me, and it was a big help. I was having an anxiety attack and I was having some chest pains by then. An hour later, I was ushered into the room. When I got onto the treadmill, and after the leads have been attached to me, there were some concerns. My heart rate was at 107bpm, while my blood pressure reading was at 170/80. Immediately I was asked if I had taken my medication to which I replied YES. Everytime I was about to progress in stage, the lady would ask me if I was okay to progress to the next level. I also replied YES, and all because if there was any anomaly, it would have been detected already. When my BP hit 220/90, she asked me if my body was aching, and I replied NO. In the end, some 10 minutes and 43 seconds after I had begun the test, she asked me if I would like to stop as I had achieved my targeted heart rate. This time I said YES…and added, “Dah pancit.” The last time I did the stress test I stopped on the 12th minute. Not bad, this time, considering I have been quite inactive physically.

Went in to see my cardiologist with Wifey, and was told that I did quite well, and he could not detect any blockages. However, I am a borderline diabetic (I found this out back in October 2007). So, he has prescribed me several medicines to handle my sugar-level, something to “thin” my blood as a preventive measure, and a new medicine for my hypertension. I have also been told to stay away from lots of culinary favourites. He attributes the pain in the chest that I have been having to anxiety and stress at work, and advised me to go back swimming and scuba diving.

Oh well, I have another 9 days to go before I get to dive again. I hope I can survive ’til then.

Institut Jantung Negara – image from Placidway

More than 8 and a half years ago was the last time I went to the IJN. At that time, my father did his second open-heart bypass surgery. That was the time I decided to give up skydiving and flying.

After more than a week suffering from bouts of chest pains, numb left arm and so on, my cardiologist, who was also my MCKK batchmate has advised me to see him tomorrow morning for a full examination, and if there is a need for it, do an angioplasty.

Recently, my counterpart in our JV partner company suffered a heart attack when he was in the Ukraine. His condition is a lot worse than mine is but has so far escaped the need to have any form of procedure done to him. He is now on medication. I hope I am limited to that too tomorrow. The nature of our work is very stressful and I don’t know if I can physically meet that kind of challenge. My mind may say otherwise.

I hope I can pass the stress test tomorrow.

Now, let’s look for a leaked question or two…

12.48pm on Saturday 24th January 2009.

I’m still in the office. I cannot complete my paperwork as an important portion is with my colleague and he is still not back from our shipyard located in another state.

Anyway, I found some old pics that I have uploaded into my Facebook album. Let me share some of those pics here with you:

Jumping off a C-130H over Gong Kedak – March 1993

After a jump with Bob at Ipoh airport – March 2000

I found this tag on Faisal‘s blog and thought maybe I should give it a shot. So, here goes:

1. Have you ever been on TV?

Yes, I have; mostly when I did my three records (North Pole, first BASE jump, and the 1000km jet-ski). The last time I was probably seen on TV was when KJ and I were seen on the floor of Dewan Merdeka PWTC reacting to Dr M’s resignation announcement in 2002. KJ and I were quite close then.

2. Have you ever sung in public?

Yes, I have. At several weddings, and at two hotel lounges.

3. Have you ever dyed your hair blond?

When I had hair? Yes. But it was fluorescent green and pink.

4. Have you ever eaten frogs’ legs?

I ate a whole frog, minus the poisonous top part.

5. Have you ever received a present that you really hated?

Never. But I loathed the sender.

6. Have you ever walked into a lamp post?

Lamp post, signboard, a closed glass door, and a wall.

7. Have you ever cooked a meal by yourself for more than 15 people?

Only corned beef fried rice.

8. Have you ever fallen or stumbled in front of others?

Yes. Many times over.

9. Have you ever done volunteer work?

Outside work? I used to run a community service center in the Kuang area. It would be suicidal to volunteer for anything in the office.

It was just the other night, I was probably suffering from anxiety or stress at work when I noticed my heart beating a lot stronger, that I had chest pains…some jabbing sans the numbness that should radiate from my jaw all the way down to my left side and arm if I were having a heart attack. I didn’t want to alarm Wifey. So, all I did was to hold her close to me, calling her softly by her Pet Society’s pet’s name: Tembam-bam (Tembam = podgy), and kissing her cheeks and forehead, telling her how much I love her. She stirred a bit, not realising what was happening.

I will be 43 this July. I term this current phase in this life of mine as Living On Borrowed Time.

Sudden and deadly heart attacks runs in my family. So does Hypercholesterolemia. It was only 4 and a half years ago when I had arrhythmia at the Singapore Expo, that sent me to the Cardiac ICU. That was due to stress. Although I no longer suffer from skipped heartbeats, or that thumping punch from the inside my heart gave me once in a while then, I still suffer from tachycardia. My resting heartbeat is anything between 88 to 120 beats per minute. And since the divorce two years ago, I suffer from Hypertension that has since required me to have my daily dosage of and ACE Inhibitor, on top of the Statin I take for my cholesterol levels. I also suffer from asthma, which I never had until after the divorce.

43, I think, was the age when my paternal grandfather passed away. Before, he passed away, he said to my father who was then 13 years old, “Hanif, tomorrow you will no longer have a backbone to support you.” According to my father, true to his father’s words, the next afternoon my father felt weak as if he did not have any backbone. That was the moment my grandfather died at the billiards hall.

My father suffered his first heart attack when he was 37 years old. I remember how he collapsed one morning in the bathroom. At the age of 42, he had another attack, that sent him to do his first coronary bypass at the Harley Street Clinic at Weymouth Street in London. He had a second bypass when he was 61. He had just celebrated his 70th birthday yesterday.

My younger brother was diagnosed by our cardiologist 2 years ago to have up to 30% damage to his heart. His condition was made worse by the fact that he smoked (he probably still does but at a lot lesser rate). The cardiologist told him that if he continues to smoke, it no longer will be the question of if he would die, but rather when.

Anyway, two days ago after work, while we cuddled in bed after a hard day working, I told her about what had happened the previous night. I asked her where would she have me buried should I die. She was in tears. I know I am prepared to die when my time comes, but I am not giving up that easily. I have only begun to learn to be happy, with Wifey by my side…I want to enjoy this life with her for as long as I can.

Every morning, as I drive us to work, I would (or would try to) hold her hand whenever the traffic lights turn red, or when we get stuck in traffic. And we would say “I love you” to each other when I drop her off at her office building, and this would continue later in the form of Yahoo! Messenger or text messages on the phone.

Whenever I drop her off, I am not sure if I would be alive when I get home next. Therefore, I do not want to miss anything, or have any regrets for the things I did not say or do to her. Sometimes, we take our partner for granted because we always come home alive. But this may one day change.

Try not to miss telling the other half how much you miss him/her, especially before you go off to work. I will definitely try not to miss any opportunity I get.

I don’t know how much longer I have, now that I am playing extra time in this soccer game of life. I may get to play until I win, or I might get taken off the field by the Team Manager above before the referee blows the final whistle. Therefore, I cherish the moments that she and I have spent together, and create more moments for me to cherish. Hopefully, when I go, although she would be missing me, as I would her, I hope she would smile more thinking that we’ve managed to do the best to be happy together and make each other happy.

This was how we spent the last day of 2008:

We checked into the PNB Darby Park in the afternoon at lunchtime before returning to office after.

We took some photos of KLCC from the balcony. Then we went to Benkay, Nikko Hotel, for a Japanese dinner.

Then I completed my final blog posting for 2008

And then, came the New Year

Have a Happy New Year, people!

2008.

What a year it has been. A year ago at this time, I was making my way out from the gym heading towards Raja Zarina’s house for a somewhat sombre gathering. I was still recovering from an extremely bad fall, while she was doomed to spend another new year’s eve alone, although not by herself. We were joined by Feisal, Rozie, Nafi and Chor.

I can still remember how painful it was then. I had to put on a facade and posted so many crap on this blog, just to show people how happy I was, or rather, that was how I wanted people to see me as – a happy soul. Somehow, I told myself that having fell badly, the only way for me to fall in 2008 was UP. But I remember having to crawl again before I could begin to relearn how to walk. Now I am walking the pace of life at my own stride…giant strides, as divers would. Come March, I was ready to fall again; but the ground would have to be the sky.

That was the month Wifey truly found her place in my heart. She had always been there, platonically: the close friend whom I’d turn to at times whenever I was down. But I could not really rely on her as she was half a year out of an ugly divorce that was preceded by a lengthy separation from her ex-husband. And when I fell badly, she had to walk away from me; a good decision on her part, as she would have ended up as a rebound-girl. To cut a long story short, it went well. She is now my life partner, my soul mate, my best of best friends, my lover, my quarreling partner, my shoulder to cry on, my tears, my joy.

The first half of 2008 was spent recuperating emotionally. But whether I have truly recovered from all the pain that I have been feeling all along, I don’t really know. There are times when I am truly happy, but there are times where I will be thinking and wishing for things to happen, not differently, but having things fall into place as I would like them to.

I have always been both the father and mother to my children. My ex was supposed to be busy with politics, but she was busy cheating on me as well, using politics as a front. She would leave home around 8 in the morning, and return home only around 3am to 4am. As a result, I would spend a big chunk of the 24 hours in a day tending to the children. This year, having found my final shot at happiness, I had to leave the responsibility of looking after the children back to my ex. I miss my children…very much. But I know as they grow much older, they would be able to understand why I do certain things. At least my two elder ones are happy for me, although I know they wish they could be with me.

2008 was the year I decided to go back to 9 to 5. Although closely related to the sea, I do mostly behind the scenes of the oil and gas industry, and not at the forefront of it. Nevertheless, I still do something related to one of the things I love most – the sea. But I do it mostly because I am no longer as healthy as I used to be, back in 2007. My health is deteriorating, and I can feel so. But at least, I am still able to feed my children, as well as Wifey and her children.

2008 ended well for me. On the last day of the year, I had had a fruitful day, my papers had gone through and the board has agreed to my recommendations. That would also mean some ‘extra income’ for me. I spent time in the office ’til 7pm, before joining Wifey and the Usual Suspects at PNB Darby Park to usher in the new year. We had dinner, hosted by Gemgem at Benkay, Nikko Hotel.

It is 28 minutes to midnight. This shall be my last posting for the year 2008. A year that started off with pain and sorrow, but, as I had wanted 2008 to be, I fell upwards. The only way I had wanted to fall. And upwards, there is no ground…only the endless sky for me to soar high and higher.

May 2009 be a happier year for us all.

Happy New Year, friends.

Segala resolution tahun 2008 masih belum aku capai kecuali satu – nak hidup happy. Lain dari tu semua hancus.

Resolution yang paling hancus is untuk mengurangkan berat badan dengan drastik. Resolution aku yang ni berhubungkait dengan resolution aku untuk makan nasi seminggu sekali sahaja, dan untuk pergi gym paling tidak 3 hari seminggu.

Awal tahun ni memang aku siap enrol masuk gym. Memang bagai nak rak aku berlari atas treadmill, dan kemudiannya aku ambik khidmat nasihat seorang personal trainer. Memang aku buat sendiri training regime aku sampai ada sekali tu aku kena pergi masuk kat emergency room salah sebuah hospital swasta berhampiran sebab aku collapse gara-gara nakkan the new me. Nasib baik tak kojol.

Nak dipendekkan cerita, aku ni banyak sangat injuries sustained masa military training dulu. Last-last, angkat weight pun boleh dislocated balik bahu aku. Terus give up. Dan sikap personal trainer aku yang vertically challenged membuat aku merasa mual. Tak habis-habis tinggalkan aku kejap sebab mengejar pantat-pantat tua yang dia rasa mungkin ditinggal kegersangan oleh sang suami yang busy menyebabkan pantat-pantat tua ni semuanya menghabiskan masa di gym semata-mata sebab nak cari batang muda. Walhal, aku lebih cenderung memikirkan sang suami meninggalkan pantat-pantat tua ni sebab pantat-pantat tua ni semuanya dah gersang akibat menopause. Lebih gersang dari tanah yang ultra-arid sehinggakan dah ada cobweb akibat lama tak disentuh. Jadi, berat badan aku turun la sekejap, dan kini kembali ke berat asal.

Hari tu aku demam. Sehari sebelum Krismas. Aku pun turun la ke klinik kat bawah ofis…boleh pulak kimak punya doctor tutup klinik. Maka terpaksalah aku pergi ke salah sebuah pusat membeli-belah dalam keadaan terbersin sekuat hati dengan begitu kerap, sehinggakan sapu tangan aku basah dengan hingus. Sekali tu, ada jugak klinik kat situ. Aku pun masuk, daftar dan tunggu. Wifey temankan aku masa tu.

Dah masuk tu, doctor tu pun tanya la apa penyakit aku…aku pun describe. Dia check tekak aku dan beritau aku tonsil aku merah dan bengkak. Temperature aku biasa sebab aku dah bantai Panadol Actifast sebelum keluar ofis. Lepas tu dia tanya apa ubat yang aku makan secara regular. Aku pun beritau la aku makan ubat untuk darah tinggi, lepas tu ubat untuk cholesterol. Lepas tu dia suruh aku berdiri atas weighing scale. Terus dia kata, “You need to lose a lot of weight!”

Kimak betul. Macam la aku tak tau. Cerita la pasal demam aku. Aku jumpa dia bukan pasal berat badan aku! Aku tak payah timbang pun aku tau aku overweight! Duduk nak bend forward pun susah gila babi!

Ada satu hari tu, aku bawak Wifey pergi ke Pavillion. Masa dia tengah menerai (try) perfume, aku terdengar la dialog dua orang lelaki lembut salesmen di gedung tersebut membincangkan mengenai new flight routes sebuah syarikat penerbangan tempatan.

Lembut A: “Eh, you tau tak? Tak lama lagi Aey-Aey-shurr fly ke Yoo-roap tau!”

Lembut B: “Yoo-roap kat man-nerr, Yang?”

Lembut A: “Dub-berr-linn (Dublin), you!”

Lembut B: “Dub-berr-linn kat mana tue?”

Lembut A: “Kat Jerr-merrn!”

Aku tak tau nak gelak ke apa. Bukannya sebab diorang ni lelaki lembut, tetapi sebab general knowledge dan ilmu alam memang fail. Tapi benda-benda macam tu tak menghairankan aku sebab memang standard pelajaran sekarang ni aku rasa banyak menurun. Dulu masa sekolah rendah time-time aku, aku dah diajar pasal Equator, Antarctic, Arctic, dan melukis peta dunia serta nama-nama negara berserta nama ibu negaranya sekali.

Aku tak boleh lupa dulu aku bertengkar dengan seorang cikgu Bahasa Inggeris. Aku membetulkan ayatnya yang berbunyi:

“He rolled the dices on the table.”

Aku kata ayat tu salah. Satu dadu dalam Bahasa Malaysia, ialah Die in English. Mati-mati dia kata Dice is singular, Dices is plural. Kalau dah salah tu salah la jugak. Dalam konteks dadu, a die is the singular, dice is plural. Dalam konteks moulding pula, the plural for die is dies. Kalau nak potong daging into small cubes baru la guna dices!

Anyway, aku masih tak tau apa resolution aku nak buat untuk 2009. Tapi yang aku tau, aku nak stay happy macam sekarang. Dan resolution untuk 2008 yang aku, Wifey, dan Spena buat bulan November 2007 di The Curve so far holds true.

And I intend to maintain and hold onto that…