Category: Daily Whatevers

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Old Skool

I’m writing this as I watch the Formula One Belgian Grand Prix at the Spa-Francochamps track, and I can say one thing about the pitgirls here: straight from the pits of hell they must have come. Wifey is busy making cookies with her friend in the kitchen.

Cookies in the oven

I love my notebook now. It has just undergone a process the India Indian engineers at my former workplace call ‘Upgradation’ (kepala pungkoq mak pak hangpa – what the fork is ‘Upgradation’?) running on a 2GB RAM compared to the preinstalled 512MB RAM previously. Don’t laugh at me la, Countloon and Kimi. Cipet!

It has also been a good weekend. Wifey and I have had the kids (mine and hers) in one place, and we had good friends over for berbuka puasa last night, and today we had berbuka at my close friend’s place in turn.

Wifey the Chef

Wifey was back in her ‘Chef Mode’ preparing Rendang Hati and Paru, and Nasi Lemak, while friends brought a potpourri of bingeing stuff. We had Gombak4Life, Liverpool Babe, Oja and hubby, Neomesuff and hubby, Hana, Rainmaker, Syed Gemgem Odorono Corleone al-Lysha, Spena, and Brother Rina. We had Qiammullail at the house that ended with sahur at around 4am before everyone went home.

Bingeing

Today, we had berbuka at my old friend Nad’s house and we were joined by the Forlorn Soldier and his family. I last saw Nad on the first day of Hari Raya, the most painful one for me, at Forlorn Soldier’s house, just a couple of hours before I left KL to nurse my broken heart by going diving at the Perhentians. Nad and I go back a long way, even before he got his eldest, Karl Rafique. Incidentally, today is Karl’s 20th birthday, and that little baby I used to babysit has already played a few gigs at the No Black Tie.

My kids listening to the Forlorn Soldier's hogwash

Yes, I am that old. Thebo72 mentioned something about old terms such as Baju Disco, Kasut Disco, when people have replaced the term ‘Disco’ with ‘Club’ and to go to a disco is simply called going clubbing nowadays. Back in the mid-80s when I was a serving officer, going clubbing would mean going to a disco to literally club other people’s head and start a free-for-all just for fun. Now the term has taken a sissified meaning.

Nad and I used to hang out at places such as Club Oz, Tin Mine (later TM2), Faces, Phase Two, 11LA, 10 Kia Peng, and our last hangout was at the Brannigans. Mention those names to the youngsters nowadays and you’ll get strange looks; much like how I would look at people who mention names like BB Park, Bamboo Inn, Pertama Cabaret, Jubilee Park, so on and so forth. Well, Pertama Cabaret and Jubilee Park used to have striptease shows there right until 1976 or 1977 the most before such shows were banned, and men nowadays get a hardon if they see women wearing lipstick, or hear the clicking sounds made by a pair of high-heeled shoes. Somehow I think there are more perverts in this country than there were back in the 1970s. And more kids get fingers and whole limbs blown off by home-made firecrackers now compared to the 1970s when we played real fireworks and shoot bamboo cannons back at my late maternal grandparents’ home in Pahang.

In 1976, months after the passing of the 2nd Prime Minister, Tun Abdul Razak, his son, Jay (now Datuk Nazir Razak, Group CEO of CIMB Berhad) and I used to go ice-skating at the Asiajaya complex. The following year, when Sungai Wang Plaza had its own ice-skating rink, I would go there almost every Saturday night because it would be turned into a huge disco, and we would all be dancing to the tunes from the movie ‘Saturday Night Fever.’ However, my first introduction to disco songs was back in 1975 when the song ‘The Hustle’ hit the charts. Then we had songs like Play That Funky Music, Fly Robin Fly, Ojah Awake, Boogie Nights and others. Of course, my favourite mushy song then was ‘You Light Up My Life’ by Debbie Boone. Of course you cannot beat the sounds by the Brothers Gibbs (Bee Gees) and their youngest, the late Andy Gibb, with his song, Shadow Dancing.

How I miss those good old days…literally good, compared to the days we have now. Life is much more complex nowadays, sometimes unnecessarily.

Gosh, it is 3am already…when is the wife going to be done?

Wifey's Cookie

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I, The Fortuitous Diver

Once in a while I will come out with weird words, some that could probably have made Wifey fall for me, some she’d laugh at. She’d laugh at me whenever I use terms such as, “I’m negotiating a bend right now”, or, “I’m cross with you”. Fortuitous is what I am when it comes to diving. Nevermind its meaning; this posting may sound like it is filled with grandiloquence but, really, I do not converse like that in real life. Let that be a denouement for that paragraph.

It was July 1982 when my family traveled to Kuantan, where we stayed at the former Merlin Hotel, Teluk Chempedak for one night before making our way to the Tanjung Gelang Naval Base to board the Marine Police’s PZ-class fast patrol boat, KPD Lang Kuik (PZ4 – now in the inventory of the Coast Guard) for Pulau Tioman. As we passed Pulau Tulai, I remember sitting in the Captain’s seat listening to my Walkman; and the song that played was Christopher Cross’ “Sailing.”

When the PZ had longsided at the Merlin Tioman jetty (now the Berjaya Tioman jetty at Tekek), the captain of the PZ, then DSP Michael Lee, asked me if I knew how to swim. I told him I was a school-swimmer (I swam for the state a month later, and became a lifeguard at year’s end). So, he told me that he’d be taking me scuba-diving later that evening. I seriously thought that that was a form of badinage, since despite his reputation, he seemed like an affable person.

My father left in a PSC-class speedboat (nicknamed ‘Trojan’) for a fishing trip, while I, wearing a t-shirt and swimming trunks, donned a J-valve tank with nothing more than a harness, one second stage, a depth gauge and no air gauge nor a BCD, and off Michael Lee and I went…diving. A quick instruction above water on how to equalise and what toggle to yank should I suddenly run out of air, and we descended on the west side of Pulau Renggis, going down to 80 feet (about 24 meters). We speared two large Trevallies, bumped into a couple of Blacktip Reef Sharks that followed us throughout the dive. That was when I also bumped into what I now know as the Green Sea Turtle that I hitched a ride on by holding onto the edge of its shell. Of course, I wouldn’t do either activity anymore: Tioman is now a gazetted marine park, and I don’t ride on turtles anymore.

Doing a decompression stop at 4.5 meters
Doing a decompression stop at 4.5 meters

I did three dives on that trip, returning to Kuantan, and subsequently KL, the next day. I never dived again until 1992 when I was in the military, and carried on diving until 1995, stopping when I left the service. I only pursued scuba-diving as a hobby back in 2005.

So, that, my friends, was how I became a fortuitous diver.

Ready to dive

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The Berbuka Puasa I Had Been Waiting For

Last night we went for our first Terawih together. Before that we were out shopping at The Store and Jusco near Plentong, before settling for some Marrybrown fried chicken for dinner. After Terawih, we went to Stulang Laut for sahur where she had Nasi Goreng Cendawan while I had Sup Ekor.

Sup Ekor at Sayam Stulang Laut

This afternoon, we went shopping at Kamdar, Kotaraya, before shooting off in the heavy rain to Parit Raja to look for some bamboo floor mat. Then I decided to drive to Batu Pahat to see if any of the Bariyani joints are open. Sad to say, from Bariyani Power to Bariyani Mat Shah to Bariyani Gam Taman Bukit Pasir, all were closed. So we drove through Parit Yaani, Parit Yob, Sri Bengkal to get back to the Ayer Hitam exit for the highway. Johoreans sure take their holidays seriously. We couldn’t find a single joint open…well, hardly any. Even the Bak Kut Teh ones that we passed were closed. And the worse part is, tomorrow is another public holiday here in Johor.

In the end we settled for Restoran Osman, a 24-hour mamak joint in Larkin Perdana where we arrived some 15 minutes before berbuka.

And when the time to break fast came, I did what I had wanted to do more than 17 years ago: to feed the first mouthful to my wife. And I did just that.

Feeding my wife

And when she reciprocated, tears welled in my eyes. She looked at me and silently uttered, “I love you.”

My life is complete now.

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Slowdown

This is to inform all of you that my blog will face a bit of a slowdown because I do not have a notebook for now.

And Yummy Baby said I’ve been too busy screwing her.

She said that…I did not.

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Well, Not Well

Resting on Babys shoulder
Resting on Baby's shoulder

This is the fourth day that I am not well. My cough is not getting any better.  To add insult to injury, my notebook’s screen’s given up on me.  Well, something like that.

Yummy Baby had wanted me to taste her soto daging and to be able to do that, we had to buy some meat from…where else, but the Penjual Daging‘s place.  Although he never appeared throughout the visit (we were attended to by his partner), I knew if he was up there he could see us through the CCTV’s monitor.  That was probably how he saw us during the last visit; and I went “Damn! I hadn’t washed Yummy Baby’s car yet!”  Luckily he did not appear at all.

The Soto Night was good.  Rainmaker, Rina Madonna Ciccone and Shark’s Fin came.  They stayed until 2am or so.  Yummy Baby and I were both so tired that we went straight to bed after doing the dishes, and I was coughing my lungs out.  We woke up several times in the morning, and finally had to wake up when Spena sent a text to her saying she was on the way to have her soto lunch.

Komar and I after whcking soto
Komar and I after whcking soto

After lunch, the three of us decided it was bad for us to stay home on a Sunday. So I called my daughters up and asked them to get ready to go out.  However, only Fazira was ready when we arrived and Hana was still watching TV.  So we went to Tony Roma’s and had a good…errr, post-lunch lunch.  It was Fazira’s second meeting with Yummy Baby but she really looks up to the latter as a mother-figure.  I can’t blame my daughter. She needs a mother-figure for love and attention. She has matured beyond her age, taking over responsibilities at such a young age – the victim of circumstances.

Anyway, it was a good outing for all of us.  Upon reaching home, I developed a temperature and was groaning and shivering.  Yummy Baby was there to look after me.  I was both happy and sad that tears rolled down my cheeks: happy because I finally get to feel wifely love and attention; sad because I am not able to take care of her, as I should, givng her the husbandly love and attention.  I thank God that after all the crap that I had to go through, I have finally met the person whom I would love to die as her husband.

Fazira and Spena
Fazira and Spena
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Jembalang Nak Pergi Dating Lepas Dating Dengan Iblis Semalam

Malam tadi di sekitar sebuah kawasan yang dahulunya dikenali sebagai Jalan Hicks, aku berdating dengan Iblis yang ingin aku mencuba beberapa jenama air kencingnya yang agak famous di sekitar nusantara dan kawasan-kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya, sehingga aku terlupa hendak menanyakan soalan yang diajukan oleh Gemgem Odorono Corleone tidak lama dahulu mengenai jenama-jenama tersebut. Namun begitu, aku dapat merasa bagaimana pantasnya bumi berputar mengelilingi matahari sehinggakan aku membawa kereta dengan begitu perlahan agar tidak terbang ke angkasa melampaui tarikan graviti.

Tempat Jembalang dan Iblis bertandang tadi malam
Tempat Jembalang dan Iblis bertandang tadi malam

Kini, aku diajak pula pergi berdating oleh Yummy Baby. Katanya, dia nak membawa aku keluar bak first date. Aku sendiri pun tak ingat macam mana first date aku, tapi aku rasa ianya berlaku di pasaraya Jaya sekitar 26 tahun yang lampau. Tapi kalau first date dengan Yummy Baby, settingnya lebih kurang cerita Jiwa Remaja atau Hapuslah Air Matamu lakonan Hail Amir dan Uji Rashid, dan Broery Sudahmatika dan Sharifah Aini respectively. Tepi pool dengan fresh orange tapi pukul 11 malam.

Terkejut beruk gak aku tiba-tiba diajak dating. Tapi aku rasa last kami dating adalah 5 hari yang lalu masa tu pergi makan ikan mentah. Senang betul kerja tukang masak. Bukan tukang masak pun, tukang siang ikan. Mana ada masak-masak!

Yummy Baby: can i ask you out on a date tonight?
Yummy Baby: no answer?
SeaDemon: can…hope i don’t sneeze or anything like that
Yummy Baby: oh yeah you better not
Yummy Baby: not on your first date

Aku tengah demam selesema..jadi mood aku lagi teruk dari Golda Meir kena PMS. Aku sendiri tak faham kenapa dia menggelar date malam ini sebagai first date. Mungkin sebab aku dah sekian lama menjadi virgin. Semenjak dua menjak Yummy Baby memulakan kerja di tempat baru, dia membuat kerja menggunakan Blackberrynya sehingga sebelum memejamkan mata di waktu malam. Sungguh aku benci akan teknologi yang tidak berguna itu. Telefon bimbit 3G Nokia N95 aku pun aku tak activate 3G. Malas. Melecehkan. Macam tengahari semalam semasa aku sibuk memandang kelopak mata aku dari dalam, anak aku, Iqa, masuk ke bilik katanya maknya nak bercakap dengan aku menggunakan telefon 3Gnya (telefon si Iqa la!). Aku pun jawablah panggilan tu…kimek cipan tanah betul…bersepah orang di sekelilingnya memandang aku yang tidak berbaju dan muka bangun tidur. Lantas aku baling sahaja telefon bimbit Iqa, ending the phone call. Teknologi burit yang menyusahkan orang dan menghilangkan personal space, time and privacy insani masa kini. Aku pun tak faham kenapa majikan-majikan sekarang gemar menyusahkan pekerja dengan Blackberry. Gaji dibayar hanya untuk 9-5, tapi sampai tengah malam buta dan hujung minggu pun masih nak berkomunikasi. Memang benar apa mereka kata mengenai telefon bimbit berteknologi tinggi: Mendekatkan yang jauh dan menjauhkan yang dekat. Kepala butoh mak diorang.

Perempuan Yang Pernah Berkahwin Dengan Aku pun dulu telephone addict. Masa kat meja makan masa itulah kawan-kawan dia nak bersembang. Saban hari itu sajalah yang kena aku tanggung. Bukannya nak makan atau bersembang dengan aku hal-hal suami-isteri atau anak-anak, sibuk kisah politik dan gossip-gossip terkini. Beberapa kali juga aku menegurnya dengan cara baik supaya tumpukan masa untuk keluarga terutamanya semasa makan. Tak makan saman. Satu hari aku berikannya final warning dalam nada suara yang baik. Aku kata aku tidak akan menegurnya lagi. Akhirnya, aku celupkan telefon bimbitnya itu ke dalam jag air sirap.

Dan Yummy Baby kini aku nampak dah ada ciri-ciri nak kena sindrom CRACKBERRY sebab dah mula asyik-asyik menggentel bijik benda alah tu apabila terdengar imaginary buzzing. Bak kata Kimi, “Biar butt sahaja yang ada crack, jangan kepala pun ada crack!”

Teknologi burit yang aku benci
Teknologi burit yang aku benci

Yummy Baby: so what kind of food do you like to eat
SeaDemon: i don’t eat only 5 things (batu, kayu, besi, sabun dan kepala keretapi)
Yummy Baby: hmm..
Yummy Baby: i think i’ve heard that before
Yummy Baby: somewhere…
Yummy Baby: but anyway
Yummy Baby: is there a place that you’d like to go to
Yummy Baby: or do you want to ikut my tekak
SeaDemon: i do not hv a place that i want to go to…but if u really want to know, it will have to be a proper english fish and chips joint in england somewhere

Aku bukan demanding, tetapi memang itu yang aku masih teringin nak makan. Good old English cod and chips, with 5 cakes of fried cod roe, and soggy with malt vinegar. Aku harap Idlan akan membawa balik sebungkus dua untuk aku bila dia balik raya nanti. Itu sahaja yang aku kempunan nak makan takut mati terbeliak mata seraya meleleh air liur basi. Vinegar tak payah letak la. Aku goreng balik dan letak di sini sahaja.

Amende baju aku nak pakai malam ni pun aku tak tahu…

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My Companion

Nisaa at the playground 23 June 08
Nisaa at the playground 23 June 08
Nisaa and I
Nisaa and I

My daughter Nisaa has always been my constant companion, and my best friend.  She used to hang around me a lot until she got her PSP.  She still hangs out with me during the day, but will have the PSP in her hands.  I would turn slowly to look at her whenever the PSP emits strange sounds…burps, farts…it is this funny game that she loves playing.  At the age of 3, she sure has good hand and finger coordination as compared to I.

Soon I will be moving.  She won’t be following me as her mother has protested against my intention of taking her with me.  It would be sad to think that she would be alone at home with no one to play with as all her other siblings would be at school during the day.  Usually, I would be there for her.  She would clamber onto my back and massage my head, or my shoulders, and peck me on either cheek or both.  She would blow me a kiss whenever she is about to leave the room.

It was just two days ago, while I was doing some work online, and she was on her PSP, I took off my t-shirt as I was feeling warm.  She looked at me and said, “Nisaa pun nak buka baju jugalah. Nisaa pun panas.”  She took off her t-shirt, took a pillow and lay beside me on the floor; her tiny hand held mine and she fell asleep.

Nisaa asleep 15 July 08
Nisaa asleep 15 July 08

I am going to miss her terribly.  If only her mother is more open-minded.