Tap Tap Tap

I’ve never considered where the corner of my eyes meet the bridge of my nose the place to feel my heart rate. But it’s there. Tap tap tap. I could feel it on my fingertip as I applied slight pressure there.

22 years ago I did the same thing to my maternal grand aunt. She was dying with colon cancer, removed, but was too weak to recover. I watched her chest struggle to draw in air, while her son was reciting prayers. Then she stopped breathing altogether. I watched her neck to see that pulsating artery, and watched it until it stopped. Then I checked her pulse the normal way, check her pupils for reaction. None. She was gone.

My maternal side has seen a fair share of deaths related to cancer. I’ve lost a cousin, a second cousin, a grand aunt, a grandmother. The former two died of leukemia while the latter two died of colon cancer.

My elder sister was only three when she passed away due to Thallasemia. I have that too. i almost did not make it into the Air Force because of it. But I proved myself physically that I was better than any of those officer candidates.

On my paternal side it’s heart attack. Almost all deaths have been sudden. My grandfather, my father’s cousins, all went that way. My father had his first heart attack when he was 37 years of age. My grandfather died when he was 40 I think. And I was in the coronary ICU 4 years ago this month.


I’m feeling mine again. It’s still there.

Tap tap tap.