Jembalang Nak Pergi Dating Lepas Dating Dengan Iblis Semalam

Malam tadi di sekitar sebuah kawasan yang dahulunya dikenali sebagai Jalan Hicks, aku berdating dengan Iblis yang ingin aku mencuba beberapa jenama air kencingnya yang agak famous di sekitar nusantara dan kawasan-kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya, sehingga aku terlupa hendak menanyakan soalan yang diajukan oleh Gemgem Odorono Corleone tidak lama dahulu mengenai jenama-jenama tersebut. Namun begitu, aku dapat merasa bagaimana pantasnya bumi berputar mengelilingi matahari sehinggakan aku membawa kereta dengan begitu perlahan agar tidak terbang ke angkasa melampaui tarikan graviti.

Tempat Jembalang dan Iblis bertandang tadi malam
Tempat Jembalang dan Iblis bertandang tadi malam

Kini, aku diajak pula pergi berdating oleh Yummy Baby. Katanya, dia nak membawa aku keluar bak first date. Aku sendiri pun tak ingat macam mana first date aku, tapi aku rasa ianya berlaku di pasaraya Jaya sekitar 26 tahun yang lampau. Tapi kalau first date dengan Yummy Baby, settingnya lebih kurang cerita Jiwa Remaja atau Hapuslah Air Matamu lakonan Hail Amir dan Uji Rashid, dan Broery Sudahmatika dan Sharifah Aini respectively. Tepi pool dengan fresh orange tapi pukul 11 malam.

Terkejut beruk gak aku tiba-tiba diajak dating. Tapi aku rasa last kami dating adalah 5 hari yang lalu masa tu pergi makan ikan mentah. Senang betul kerja tukang masak. Bukan tukang masak pun, tukang siang ikan. Mana ada masak-masak!

Yummy Baby: can i ask you out on a date tonight?
Yummy Baby: no answer?
SeaDemon: can…hope i don’t sneeze or anything like that
Yummy Baby: oh yeah you better not
Yummy Baby: not on your first date

Aku tengah demam selesema..jadi mood aku lagi teruk dari Golda Meir kena PMS. Aku sendiri tak faham kenapa dia menggelar date malam ini sebagai first date. Mungkin sebab aku dah sekian lama menjadi virgin. Semenjak dua menjak Yummy Baby memulakan kerja di tempat baru, dia membuat kerja menggunakan Blackberrynya sehingga sebelum memejamkan mata di waktu malam. Sungguh aku benci akan teknologi yang tidak berguna itu. Telefon bimbit 3G Nokia N95 aku pun aku tak activate 3G. Malas. Melecehkan. Macam tengahari semalam semasa aku sibuk memandang kelopak mata aku dari dalam, anak aku, Iqa, masuk ke bilik katanya maknya nak bercakap dengan aku menggunakan telefon 3Gnya (telefon si Iqa la!). Aku pun jawablah panggilan tu…kimek cipan tanah betul…bersepah orang di sekelilingnya memandang aku yang tidak berbaju dan muka bangun tidur. Lantas aku baling sahaja telefon bimbit Iqa, ending the phone call. Teknologi burit yang menyusahkan orang dan menghilangkan personal space, time and privacy insani masa kini. Aku pun tak faham kenapa majikan-majikan sekarang gemar menyusahkan pekerja dengan Blackberry. Gaji dibayar hanya untuk 9-5, tapi sampai tengah malam buta dan hujung minggu pun masih nak berkomunikasi. Memang benar apa mereka kata mengenai telefon bimbit berteknologi tinggi: Mendekatkan yang jauh dan menjauhkan yang dekat. Kepala butoh mak diorang.

Perempuan Yang Pernah Berkahwin Dengan Aku pun dulu telephone addict. Masa kat meja makan masa itulah kawan-kawan dia nak bersembang. Saban hari itu sajalah yang kena aku tanggung. Bukannya nak makan atau bersembang dengan aku hal-hal suami-isteri atau anak-anak, sibuk kisah politik dan gossip-gossip terkini. Beberapa kali juga aku menegurnya dengan cara baik supaya tumpukan masa untuk keluarga terutamanya semasa makan. Tak makan saman. Satu hari aku berikannya final warning dalam nada suara yang baik. Aku kata aku tidak akan menegurnya lagi. Akhirnya, aku celupkan telefon bimbitnya itu ke dalam jag air sirap.

Dan Yummy Baby kini aku nampak dah ada ciri-ciri nak kena sindrom CRACKBERRY sebab dah mula asyik-asyik menggentel bijik benda alah tu apabila terdengar imaginary buzzing. Bak kata Kimi, “Biar butt sahaja yang ada crack, jangan kepala pun ada crack!

Teknologi burit yang aku benci
Teknologi burit yang aku benci

Yummy Baby: so what kind of food do you like to eat
SeaDemon: i don’t eat only 5 things (batu, kayu, besi, sabun dan kepala keretapi)
Yummy Baby: hmm..
Yummy Baby: i think i’ve heard that before
Yummy Baby: somewhere…
Yummy Baby: but anyway
Yummy Baby: is there a place that you’d like to go to
Yummy Baby: or do you want to ikut my tekak
SeaDemon: i do not hv a place that i want to go to…but if u really want to know, it will have to be a proper english fish and chips joint in england somewhere

Aku bukan demanding, tetapi memang itu yang aku masih teringin nak makan. Good old English cod and chips, with 5 cakes of fried cod roe, and soggy with malt vinegar. Aku harap Idlan akan membawa balik sebungkus dua untuk aku bila dia balik raya nanti. Itu sahaja yang aku kempunan nak makan takut mati terbeliak mata seraya meleleh air liur basi. Vinegar tak payah letak la. Aku goreng balik dan letak di sini sahaja.

Amende baju aku nak pakai malam ni pun aku tak tahu…

Forlornly Waiting For The One

Baby at my favourite jetty - 31st May 2008
Short of a day to seven weeks since this pic was taken

I really do not know what to write. If I do, will whatever I write be enough to describe how I feel for her? How can I ever tell her how much I love her when whenever I say it it always comes out short of how I actually feel for her? Why do I feel so bad inside everytime she’s away? Why do I feel sad everytime she looks away even for a short while? Why does my heart cry out and pine for her each time we part?

Why?

I will never know the answer, as I sit forlornly waiting for her…

As I Watch The Colours Of The Evening Sky

I wrote this on my Facebook note yesterday evening. I was feeling depressed over certain issues – family, work…everything plus the kitchen sink and the onions too.

I sometimes wonder about the choices we’ve made
and also of the choices we could not evade
Suddenly the picture slides of my life pass by
as I watch the colours of the evening sky

I always wonder to myself why, oh why
there are failures no matter how hard I try
Streaks of crimson, orange, blue and white
cannot appease my fears and fright

The evening sky welcomes the night
tomorrow I continue the struggle and fight
to make this life take off and fly
and to live in happiness ’til the day I die

A tear rolls down my cheek as I begin to cry
as I watch the colours of the evening sky

John F SeaDemon
USJ16 – 17th July 2008, 1853H

Sunset at ABC, Tioman, April 2006

I Don’t Know What Title To Put But I Know I Was Drunk

I still am, actually. It was just two hours ago that I ended the drinking binge so I could go and pick up Yummy Baby who was having networking dinner with her boss. I went to this restaurant that we had wanted to go to but couldn’t find it – so there I was, alone. Therefore, mind my spelling should an error occur. I am not in the right frame of mind typing this.

Anyway, I look at people who were in the area, some were still in their working clothes, having dinner with friends. Maybe this is why many marriages fail. Husbands and wives see each other for only half an hour before they leave home for work. Then, if they are into YM and other chat stuff, they spend some 10 hours online. Then they get home and tend to the kids. By the time they were finally alone, they’d be too tired to do anything else. So they actually get some 1 hour a day with each other not saying much.

After a while, this routine becomes a norm. Then each thinks that the other doesn’t love the other person as much as they used to. Soon, they stop talking, and along comes someone more “suitable” in office, whom he or she spends 10 hours with everyday, and an office affair starts, just because he or she gets more attention in the office by this other person than from their own spouse. But both refuse to acknowledge that they allow the marriage to slide down the drain like that.

That is how shit happens.

Anyway, Yummy Baby was having a networking dinner with her boss and another colleague. And a hungry me decided to go and find this Chippy that has eluded our radar once before. I made the mistake of having four bottles of beer (I AM NOT A BEER DRINKER, OKAY? I WAS DEPRESSED!) and two glasses of white wine on an empty stomach. Then I decided to order the Barramundi and Chips. That I downed with another three glasses of margharita. It was almost like vodka blended with ice with little else. Just more alcohol than any of the margharitas I have ever had. It was when I was downing the second glass that I thought KL was being hit by a mild earthquake.

On my third glass, a Japanese woman chatted me up. I am not too sure whether she mentioned her name as Misako or Matsuko because being loaded with so much alcohol, it sounded more or less the same. I guess when it occured to her that I wasn’t smiling at her because I had wanted to, but more because of the alcohol content in my system, she left without saying goodbye.

And Yummy Baby experienced for the first time, my driving the car at speeds not exceeding 60kmh.

We got home, talked for a bit…less than half an hour, and now she is asleep. And there isn’t enough alcohol to make me stop thinking so I could go to sleep. Anyway, here are some photos:

Menu
The menu on the wall. Sorry pic’s blurred because I couldn;t keep my hands steady

Barramundi and chips
Barramundi and chips…can lah

Potent stuff
Potent stuff

Tiger
I had 4 bottles of this

Oh woe me! I am all alone with nothing much to do.