Jembalang Nak Pergi Dating Lepas Dating Dengan Iblis Semalam

Malam tadi di sekitar sebuah kawasan yang dahulunya dikenali sebagai Jalan Hicks, aku berdating dengan Iblis yang ingin aku mencuba beberapa jenama air kencingnya yang agak famous di sekitar nusantara dan kawasan-kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya, sehingga aku terlupa hendak menanyakan soalan yang diajukan oleh Gemgem Odorono Corleone tidak lama dahulu mengenai jenama-jenama tersebut. Namun begitu, aku dapat merasa bagaimana pantasnya bumi berputar mengelilingi matahari sehinggakan aku membawa kereta dengan begitu perlahan agar tidak terbang ke angkasa melampaui tarikan graviti.

Tempat Jembalang dan Iblis bertandang tadi malam
Tempat Jembalang dan Iblis bertandang tadi malam

Kini, aku diajak pula pergi berdating oleh Yummy Baby. Katanya, dia nak membawa aku keluar bak first date. Aku sendiri pun tak ingat macam mana first date aku, tapi aku rasa ianya berlaku di pasaraya Jaya sekitar 26 tahun yang lampau. Tapi kalau first date dengan Yummy Baby, settingnya lebih kurang cerita Jiwa Remaja atau Hapuslah Air Matamu lakonan Hail Amir dan Uji Rashid, dan Broery Sudahmatika dan Sharifah Aini respectively. Tepi pool dengan fresh orange tapi pukul 11 malam.

Terkejut beruk gak aku tiba-tiba diajak dating. Tapi aku rasa last kami dating adalah 5 hari yang lalu masa tu pergi makan ikan mentah. Senang betul kerja tukang masak. Bukan tukang masak pun, tukang siang ikan. Mana ada masak-masak!

Yummy Baby: can i ask you out on a date tonight?
Yummy Baby: no answer?
SeaDemon: can…hope i don’t sneeze or anything like that
Yummy Baby: oh yeah you better not
Yummy Baby: not on your first date

Aku tengah demam selesema..jadi mood aku lagi teruk dari Golda Meir kena PMS. Aku sendiri tak faham kenapa dia menggelar date malam ini sebagai first date. Mungkin sebab aku dah sekian lama menjadi virgin. Semenjak dua menjak Yummy Baby memulakan kerja di tempat baru, dia membuat kerja menggunakan Blackberrynya sehingga sebelum memejamkan mata di waktu malam. Sungguh aku benci akan teknologi yang tidak berguna itu. Telefon bimbit 3G Nokia N95 aku pun aku tak activate 3G. Malas. Melecehkan. Macam tengahari semalam semasa aku sibuk memandang kelopak mata aku dari dalam, anak aku, Iqa, masuk ke bilik katanya maknya nak bercakap dengan aku menggunakan telefon 3Gnya (telefon si Iqa la!). Aku pun jawablah panggilan tu…kimek cipan tanah betul…bersepah orang di sekelilingnya memandang aku yang tidak berbaju dan muka bangun tidur. Lantas aku baling sahaja telefon bimbit Iqa, ending the phone call. Teknologi burit yang menyusahkan orang dan menghilangkan personal space, time and privacy insani masa kini. Aku pun tak faham kenapa majikan-majikan sekarang gemar menyusahkan pekerja dengan Blackberry. Gaji dibayar hanya untuk 9-5, tapi sampai tengah malam buta dan hujung minggu pun masih nak berkomunikasi. Memang benar apa mereka kata mengenai telefon bimbit berteknologi tinggi: Mendekatkan yang jauh dan menjauhkan yang dekat. Kepala butoh mak diorang.

Perempuan Yang Pernah Berkahwin Dengan Aku pun dulu telephone addict. Masa kat meja makan masa itulah kawan-kawan dia nak bersembang. Saban hari itu sajalah yang kena aku tanggung. Bukannya nak makan atau bersembang dengan aku hal-hal suami-isteri atau anak-anak, sibuk kisah politik dan gossip-gossip terkini. Beberapa kali juga aku menegurnya dengan cara baik supaya tumpukan masa untuk keluarga terutamanya semasa makan. Tak makan saman. Satu hari aku berikannya final warning dalam nada suara yang baik. Aku kata aku tidak akan menegurnya lagi. Akhirnya, aku celupkan telefon bimbitnya itu ke dalam jag air sirap.

Dan Yummy Baby kini aku nampak dah ada ciri-ciri nak kena sindrom CRACKBERRY sebab dah mula asyik-asyik menggentel bijik benda alah tu apabila terdengar imaginary buzzing. Bak kata Kimi, “Biar butt sahaja yang ada crack, jangan kepala pun ada crack!

Teknologi burit yang aku benci
Teknologi burit yang aku benci

Yummy Baby: so what kind of food do you like to eat
SeaDemon: i don’t eat only 5 things (batu, kayu, besi, sabun dan kepala keretapi)
Yummy Baby: hmm..
Yummy Baby: i think i’ve heard that before
Yummy Baby: somewhere…
Yummy Baby: but anyway
Yummy Baby: is there a place that you’d like to go to
Yummy Baby: or do you want to ikut my tekak
SeaDemon: i do not hv a place that i want to go to…but if u really want to know, it will have to be a proper english fish and chips joint in england somewhere

Aku bukan demanding, tetapi memang itu yang aku masih teringin nak makan. Good old English cod and chips, with 5 cakes of fried cod roe, and soggy with malt vinegar. Aku harap Idlan akan membawa balik sebungkus dua untuk aku bila dia balik raya nanti. Itu sahaja yang aku kempunan nak makan takut mati terbeliak mata seraya meleleh air liur basi. Vinegar tak payah letak la. Aku goreng balik dan letak di sini sahaja.

Amende baju aku nak pakai malam ni pun aku tak tahu…

Forlornly Waiting For The One

Baby at my favourite jetty - 31st May 2008
Short of a day to seven weeks since this pic was taken

I really do not know what to write. If I do, will whatever I write be enough to describe how I feel for her? How can I ever tell her how much I love her when whenever I say it it always comes out short of how I actually feel for her? Why do I feel so bad inside everytime she’s away? Why do I feel sad everytime she looks away even for a short while? Why does my heart cry out and pine for her each time we part?

Why?

I will never know the answer, as I sit forlornly waiting for her…

As I Watch The Colours Of The Evening Sky

I wrote this on my Facebook note yesterday evening. I was feeling depressed over certain issues – family, work…everything plus the kitchen sink and the onions too.

I sometimes wonder about the choices we’ve made
and also of the choices we could not evade
Suddenly the picture slides of my life pass by
as I watch the colours of the evening sky

I always wonder to myself why, oh why
there are failures no matter how hard I try
Streaks of crimson, orange, blue and white
cannot appease my fears and fright

The evening sky welcomes the night
tomorrow I continue the struggle and fight
to make this life take off and fly
and to live in happiness ’til the day I die

A tear rolls down my cheek as I begin to cry
as I watch the colours of the evening sky

John F SeaDemon
USJ16 – 17th July 2008, 1853H

Sunset at ABC, Tioman, April 2006

I Don’t Know What Title To Put But I Know I Was Drunk

I still am, actually. It was just two hours ago that I ended the drinking binge so I could go and pick up Yummy Baby who was having networking dinner with her boss. I went to this restaurant that we had wanted to go to but couldn’t find it – so there I was, alone. Therefore, mind my spelling should an error occur. I am not in the right frame of mind typing this.

Anyway, I look at people who were in the area, some were still in their working clothes, having dinner with friends. Maybe this is why many marriages fail. Husbands and wives see each other for only half an hour before they leave home for work. Then, if they are into YM and other chat stuff, they spend some 10 hours online. Then they get home and tend to the kids. By the time they were finally alone, they’d be too tired to do anything else. So they actually get some 1 hour a day with each other not saying much.

After a while, this routine becomes a norm. Then each thinks that the other doesn’t love the other person as much as they used to. Soon, they stop talking, and along comes someone more “suitable” in office, whom he or she spends 10 hours with everyday, and an office affair starts, just because he or she gets more attention in the office by this other person than from their own spouse. But both refuse to acknowledge that they allow the marriage to slide down the drain like that.

That is how shit happens.

Anyway, Yummy Baby was having a networking dinner with her boss and another colleague. And a hungry me decided to go and find this Chippy that has eluded our radar once before. I made the mistake of having four bottles of beer (I AM NOT A BEER DRINKER, OKAY? I WAS DEPRESSED!) and two glasses of white wine on an empty stomach. Then I decided to order the Barramundi and Chips. That I downed with another three glasses of margharita. It was almost like vodka blended with ice with little else. Just more alcohol than any of the margharitas I have ever had. It was when I was downing the second glass that I thought KL was being hit by a mild earthquake.

On my third glass, a Japanese woman chatted me up. I am not too sure whether she mentioned her name as Misako or Matsuko because being loaded with so much alcohol, it sounded more or less the same. I guess when it occured to her that I wasn’t smiling at her because I had wanted to, but more because of the alcohol content in my system, she left without saying goodbye.

And Yummy Baby experienced for the first time, my driving the car at speeds not exceeding 60kmh.

We got home, talked for a bit…less than half an hour, and now she is asleep. And there isn’t enough alcohol to make me stop thinking so I could go to sleep. Anyway, here are some photos:

Menu
The menu on the wall. Sorry pic’s blurred because I couldn;t keep my hands steady

Barramundi and chips
Barramundi and chips…can lah

Potent stuff
Potent stuff

Tiger
I had 4 bottles of this

Oh woe me! I am all alone with nothing much to do.

My Companion

Nisaa at the playground 23 June 08
Nisaa at the playground 23 June 08
Nisaa and I
Nisaa and I

My daughter Nisaa has always been my constant companion, and my best friend.  She used to hang around me a lot until she got her PSP.  She still hangs out with me during the day, but will have the PSP in her hands.  I would turn slowly to look at her whenever the PSP emits strange sounds…burps, farts…it is this funny game that she loves playing.  At the age of 3, she sure has good hand and finger coordination as compared to I.

Soon I will be moving.  She won’t be following me as her mother has protested against my intention of taking her with me.  It would be sad to think that she would be alone at home with no one to play with as all her other siblings would be at school during the day.  Usually, I would be there for her.  She would clamber onto my back and massage my head, or my shoulders, and peck me on either cheek or both.  She would blow me a kiss whenever she is about to leave the room.

It was just two days ago, while I was doing some work online, and she was on her PSP, I took off my t-shirt as I was feeling warm.  She looked at me and said, “Nisaa pun nak buka baju jugalah. Nisaa pun panas.”  She took off her t-shirt, took a pillow and lay beside me on the floor; her tiny hand held mine and she fell asleep.

Nisaa asleep 15 July 08
Nisaa asleep 15 July 08

I am going to miss her terribly.  If only her mother is more open-minded.

Adagio For Strings

Adagio For Strings is a new piece somewhat, it was written in the last century by Samuel Barber.  I first heard of it when a friend’s father played it on his record player back in the 1970s and I thought to myself, “What a depressing piece of music.”  I was reminded of this piece again when it became the movie Platoon‘s soundtrack – and I remember all tha jungle bashing with my squadmates in heavy rain, with leeches hanging on to the skin of my legs, slippery hillslopes where we would just move to the side and grabbed any small vegetation for anchor while someone upfront slips and slides down the slope. Agony and misery all in one.

Watching the Parliament debates as well as the circus put on live TV last night reminded me of this piece of depressing music again.  After the 8th March 2008 General Elections Malaysians have been watching agonisingly lawmakers making fools of themselves, I mean, more foolish than ever before, while the sanctity of the Parliament reduced to a shallow and meaningless grandstand for political fame rather than having so-called lawmakers working for the people according to what have been mandated to them by the people.

On both sides of the political fence, we see MPs more bent on making headlines and grabbing media attention by hurling abuses at each other, staging walkouts just because their political agenda did not get the treatment preferred, BN and PR MPs being absent because they are still going around making roadshows and so on.  When are they ever going to work for the people?  On one hand we have the BN refusing to listen, on the other you have the PR ones making ridiculous claims about ship-jumping politicians and forming of the next government. Is that all the Parliament is for?  Why can’t BN MPs take positive and constructive criticisms and apply it to the benefit of the people?  Why can’t PR MPs stop staging walkouts and act childishly instead of continue sitting and debating issues for the benefit of the people?  is this about themselves, both BN and PR?  They should realise that they are mere servants to you and I.  SERVANTS.  In other words: KULI BATAK.  Not VVIPs or VIPs.  I can ask any of them to polish my shoes for me, by right. I helped put them there.  Would a government filled with traitors and opportunists (political term is: ship-jumpers) be a strong and credible one?

MPs should also maintain decorum. It has nothing to do with the decor of the Parliament, but a positively-decorated behaviour in Parliament.  Stop name-callings, hurling abuses at each other and get down to work.

The Prime Minister should also realise that he is responsible for the dismal performance of the pre-2008 cabinet and Barisan Nasional.  He may call it collective-decision-making but as the captain of the BN ship, he is responsible for their conduct and actions.  UMNO members should also realise that the party is being administered by the Majlis Tertinggi under the auspices of the President; but these are people elected to those posts and they are not up there to be worshipped.  ALL POSTS should be allowed to be contested.  Prior to 2003 there was never a tradition of handing over/taking over of posts as claimed by most Ahli Majlis Tertinggi.  Dr M may have been handed the role of President when the late Hussein Onn stepped down, but he was an acting President and still had to fight to retain that post.  I am very disturbed when newspapers start to write about this and that state have endorsed Pak Lah and Najib as President and Deputy President, when the state liaison is powerless to decide.  It is just a liaison office, not a decision-making body.  The decision lies in the hands of the members of each of the Division through the Perwakilan Cawangan.  It is the grassroot that picks the President and other administrators of UMNO via their representatives.  No one person has the right to say “We have endorsed so and so as President, and so and so as Deputy President.”  Everything has to be voted for.

As for the man they term the Prime Minister in Waiting, for fuck’s sake, go and make your statement to the Police to assist them in their investigations.  What are you trying to do to this country by shedding it in bad light by running away to another country’s ambassador’s residence upon being accused of something you claim you did not do?  Then you go on claiming that there is an assassination attempt on you – very stupid indeed – when you emerge from the residence in a 4WD ala Benazir Bhutto, waving at your supporters without any fear of any assassination attempt?  If I were the government, I would not ask someone to assassinate you. I would rather have you go through the court process and let you make a monkey of yourself. So, if you are a God-fearing man as you claim, why do you fear injustice? Why the hurry to become the next Prime Minister? Is this what your politics is all about?  Is the fight of your party solely for the purpose of putting you in the Prime Minister’s office?  Why the hurry? Mandela spent almost three decades on Robbin Island and he still made it as the President of South Africa.  He had the patience because his struggle was pure and was for the people.  Why talk about reducing fuel prices by 50 sen when you ask the BN government why raise fuel price post-elections beyond RM1.92/liter?  Talk about bringing it back to the pre-election level and lower, if possible.  A RM6 billion subsidy that you have proposed equals to only RM240 per annum for each of the 25 million Malaysians.  That is a shitty RM20 per month in fuel rebates.  That is only 20 liters of petrol by the pre-election levels.  I can hardly get anywhere with that. 117kms the most in-town driving.  That is like one trip to and fro to KL from where I live with a little more to spare for the jams.  So get real.  Be more innovative and talk about where you plan to alleviate the sufferings of the people with that RM6 billion.

The 8th March 2008 General Elections has been a tragedy for the general population who have little or no interest in the political shamble this country is in.  They just want to live their lives comfortably, in a country governed properly, with little or no idiots trying to kick up a fuss here and there.

The people should wake up to the circus they themselves have created, and have become part of the troupe.

Therefore I would like to dedicate this depressing piece to the Malaysians.

Brand New Day

My blog at http://www.narcaholic.com is still there.  It will be taken offline 30 days from now. The only thing is I can no longer access the account, the dashboard, the e-mails and what-nots. After 3 years, it has served its purpose.  It was meant to be a dive-blog, but in the end it became something else.  Therefore I want to start anew, and here I am, on this blog.  However, all my 1804 previous postings have been moved from that site to here.

I’m also starting a new life with Yummy Baby.  It is such a nice feeling waking up with someone, not hearing screams, not hearing political phone calls…nothing.  Just a sweet smiling face that says, “Good morning, Sayang. I love you.”  And I get this daily without fail…and at night.  Finally, I can sleep early, my mind at rest, and I no longer wake up in the middle of the night with my head spinning round and round from too much thinking.  I now sleep before midnight when a year ago it was almost difficult for me to sleep at all.  And everytime we turn off at different exits in the morning on the way to work, we would text our feelings for each other, and she would send something like: “Miss u already.”  And nobody has said that to me before. not in the manner she says it to me.  Although we have mentioned at the beginning of this relationship that we will not have any child together, I guess due to this strong mutual feeling, we would like to have one as a testimony to this great love we have for each other.  At least when I go, a part of me will stay behind with her.

The only way to go is forward, the only thing to pursue is happiness.

Here is to a brand new day.

Hoping for a brighter future
Hoping for a brighter future