Month: June 2008

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Thinking Back

I looked at her while we were eating just now. She is a far cry from what she was when I first saw her when I broke fast at her place last year. Gone is the haggard look, the ‘exposed’ bones, the tired and blank stare. I see the more radiant and pretty-side of her, bubbly, witty, playful; I see the loving and caring person that she is, as I have always suspected. I have also seen the tears, the pain and frustration of the seven-painful years being married to a wimpy wife-beater, opportunist, free-rider – and I would hold her close to me, and ask her to cry it all out.

When I first met her, I didn’t talk a lot to her; she was preoccupied with the hampers she was making for Hari Raya plus some corporate gifts. Probably a week before Hari Raya, as I was driving home (I was already about to reach home) when she sent me a text asking where I was. I called her up and she sounded down and needed someone to talk to. I immediately made a U-turn and headed her way. Why? I still have not found the reason for doing that; and neither has she, for asking me to meet her. I saw her a few days later at the penjual daging‘s place.

The next time I saw her was a month later – she was with the person who originally introduced us, Spena. Spena had always thought of us to be more compatible than with anyone else. However, this meeting was over lunch, and we felt somewhat awkward meeting each other after a month – but it was a pleasant meet nevertheless. Spena left us immediately after lunch, and I spent a bit more time with her at Uluwatu and MPH.

We never met again – until that wonderful night we both term as Burger Night. That was 4 months later.

And since then, we have talked, kissed, hugged, cuddled, quarreled, laughed…and countless of other things that I may have forgotten about, or forgotten how it felt like, or have not done prior to our becoming an item. She plays her role as a wife, not to be subjugated, not submissive, but as an equal who believes in giving love means receiving more love. While I, give her the love and care and attention that she has never received. She’ll clear the table, I do the dishes; and we would always hug each other after each task is completed. Sometimes she cooks, a blue moon later I would cook. We go out together, do things together, that we would look more lovey-dovey than most couples younger than us do.

I don’t know what it is…but I know I have said this before. Everytime I breathe, I realise that I love her more and more. And it just gets better. And in this second-half of my life, I just want to love her more and more, while I am still able to.

And everytime I drive past a certain point in KL, somehow, a certain radio station would play this very song that started to become famous when we first started going out – and it always makes me think more and more of her.

And as I type this posting, I am missing her terribly.

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Terminating Bollywood

“Dey Rascal! I’ll be back!”

That’s what we would most likely hear coming out of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mouth when and if he stars in a Holly-Bollywood collaboration.

I heard on the radio yesterday morning that Hollywood is now seeking more movie collaboration with its Indian counterparts, the Molly and Bollywoods. Another star that was reported to have the same idea is Will Smith. Maybe, the next title of his movie would be called “I am Lingam,” a movie about zombies that go around killing human beings by making a simple sounds like, “Korek! Korek! Korek!”

Will accent be a problem for Arnold?

“No problemo, Inspector Sahab!”

With his funny accent, I’m sure he’s going to be a hit. So let us look forward to a movie filled with funny English accent from Arnold and his Indian counterparts.

“Hasta la vista, Babuji!”

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How Christian Some Muslims Are

I am trying to point out how unIslamic Muslims have become by not trusting Allah’s Holy Quran but instead take the words of the scholars as if they’re gods.

Over two years ago I wrote in an UMNO forum in response to a member saying that women must cover up their hair. Of course I responded in the negative and challenged the person to show me where in the al-Quran does it say so, he never replied. In fact I challenged an Ulama on this matter, presenting the dalil in al-Quran, when all he could give back to me are: “According to this imam’s book, according to so and so…”. Those imams and so-and-so’s are their gods…not mine.

Before I begin, let me quote a verse from the Holy Quran in the chapter called THE PROPHETS (al-Anbiyaa’)21:24. Allah said:

“Have they found gods besides Him (Allah)? Say, “Show us your proofs. This Quran is my proof,it covers the present and the past.” Indeed most of them fail to recognise the truth, this is why they turn away.”

I don’t know how Islamic can one be by wearing or not wearing the tudung or hijjab. I don’t even know if it is Islamic to do that. The Quran only tells women to cover their breasts and to pull their outer garments over them. And for 1000 years or more, scholars are still debating whether Muslim women should cover their hair.

However, in the Bible, there is a clear order for women to cover their hair and their heads especially during prayer. Here is the reference:

Corinthians 11:5-6

“And every women who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonours her head – it is just as though as her head was shaved. If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgraced for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head.”

This reminds me of a few incidents where school children had had their hair cut by religious teachers, or their tudung cut shorter for not wearing the long tudung sometime in 2006 (NST – 25th Feb 2006). A school in Bukit Mertajam even withdrew their participation in a netball competition because their players were not wearing tudung.

Sheer blatant stupidity and ignorance on the part of the teachers. 30 years ago when I was schooling I never hear of such nonsense. it seems that deviationist Islam has rooted itself firmly within the minds of these teachers, and they abide by the words of their scholars without questioning the facts.

And what about Muslim men being told that it is the sunnah (tradition of the Prophet) to wear turban, have beard etc? They say that men must (bordering divinely compulsory) to wear turban and have beard like the Prophet, and do other things that the Prophet used to do. This brings me to another case of three boys who were expelled from school because the students were adamant to wear turban to school. A PAS lawyer represented them and told the court that WEARING THE TURBAN IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF ISLAM.

Another narrow minded bastard who is bent on misguiding Muslims, if you ask me. No where in the Holy Quran is mentioned about the wearing of the turban and robes and growing beards etc. However, in the Bible, those are mentioned as the accoutrements of the priests.

Exodus 28:4

“These are the garments they are to make: a breastpiece, an ephod, a woven tunic, a turban and a sash. They are to make these sacred garments for your brother Aaron and his sons, so they may serve Me as priests.”

Leviathan 21:5

“Priests must not shave their heads or shave off the edges of their beards or cut their bodies.”

Leviathan 19:27

“Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.”

So, there you have it. “Defenders” of the faith (scholars’ faith) will say of course it is not mentioned in the Holy Quran. It is the traditions (sunnah) of the Holy Prophet!

So why do they go to work in cars instead of camel-backs?

Let me just quote you from the Holy Quran again to underscore what I have been saying about the lies attributed to Allah and Muhammad conjured up by the so-called faithfuls for over a millenium:

THE FAMILY IMRAAN (Ali Imraan) 3:78

Some of them even twist their tongues to simulate the scripture, to make you think that it is from the scripture when it is not from the scripture, and claim that it is from God, when it is not from God. They invent lies and attribute them to God, knowingly.”

So if you are a woman and you are not wearing tudung, and if you are a man and you do not have a beard or wear turban and robe, then let it be known that you are not unIslamic; you are in fact very unChristian.

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June 8th And The After-Effects

I often wonder why is it a lot easier for me to get into KL dring peak hours nowadays since the fuel price hike. Apparently, DBKL has reported a 2% drop in the number of cars entering KL since the fuel price hike, when in May, it averaged at 561,000 cars. Public transportation companies on the other hand have reported an increase in passenger volume.

Jalan Imbi stretch - The Star
Jalan Imbi stretch during rush hour last week – The Star

The photo above was taken by The Star Thursday last week at 5.30pm after a heavy downpour. That stretch, to me, is the deadliest, and one of the reasons I do not like driving into KL especially after a downpour – yet, traffic was smooth there. The dreadful crawl before PWTC coming from Pak Leman too is a lot shorter, and gone before 8pm, whereas before June 8th, my blood pressure would have a bigger jump than the fuel price hike.

So…the recent fuel hike IS good for my blood pressure.

Unfortunately it isn’t.

Generally, people drive slower. Personally, I think that is fine until someone decides that the fast lane on the highway is for driving at 110km/h. No, it isn’t for driving at 110km/h. It is for overtaking. And once you have overtaken the car in front of you, move back to the center lane and make way for faster cars. Last night, there was this eagle-eyed Beemer (Beemer lagi!) in the fast lane doing 85km/h. And I got exasperated because he was going as fast as the lori babi in the center lane. What made it worse was the car behind me was flashing his beam, and I retaliated by flashing my middle finger. He pulled up alongside me and flashed his middle-finger. It was a guy wearing kopiah who must have overdosed on his Harakah and pissed off because Mas Idayu and Ella got to perform at the Malawati Stadium. He then went back behind me and tailgated. So I had no choice but to pull my handbrake. The car behind him almost hit him – but after that he kept his distance…like way back.

At a toll plaza, this guy drove ever so slowly and, without turning on his indicator light, started veering from the left-most lane, into the right-most where the Smart Tag lane is. At the last moment, he veered back left into a ticket lane. How annoying.

Then somewhere near Ampang yesterday, I heard a loud noise. it sounded very much like a fogging machine. It was a Proton Saga with an exhaust that has a hole the size where an elephant bull’s private member might fit in snugly. He overtook me and entered my lane ahead of me, then slowed down to 30km/h – on a dual carriageway. And he had the most annoying array of little Manchester United jerseys hanging on the rear screen. Then I overtook the car to have a look at the driver. He was wearing a Manchester United jersey. He must have been on his way to a certain Craven Cafe thinking EPL is on and not Euro 2008. He’s probably from a certain boarding school in Melaka or something because only people from there are capable of having that kind of limited IQ…going to KFC and orders a Big Mac.

Anyway, I have identified several routes to get to Yummy Baby‘s place. The farthest is 35km (toll: RM4.50 return), second is 33km (toll is RM6.70 ONE WAY), and third is 32km (toll is RM7.40 ONE WAY). At 2km/Ringgit, I’d go for the distance, unless KLites start to drive again and jam up all the roads like pre-8th June.

Dang! RM50 isn’t worth anything anymore nowadays.

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Monday 23rd June

it’s been a year since I last spoke to my parents and siblings on a happy note, as well as face to face.

I am my family now. I, alone.

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The Fog

How many of you actually believe in the supernatural? How many of you have actually seen ghosts?

I was about 5 when I saw a ghost in the form of a scary looking old woman when we were staying in this old government quarters in Melaka. My father used to lock me inside this storeroom. It was pitch black because it didn’t have any window. And this old woman would appear behind me.

I learnt much later that almost all, including my father, had encountered this apparition.

The quarters we lived in when my father was the Inspector-General of Police was equally haunted. We’d hear of rapping within the walls, my bed was tossed about ala The Exorcist, and something would fly part the window.

Have you had your own encounters? Tell us about it.

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Lonely Dinner

There we were having dinner at Le Meridien. She looked superb as always, with her usual sweet smile she throws at me. I was in my scuba t-shirt and Garson track bottom and slippers.

The waiter came to serve our order of Giant’s instant noodles. I know it looks cheap for such a place but I attribute that to my craving. As we were about to start eating, my daughter Nisaa appeared next to me.

“Ayah, nak tissue,” she began. I was like, when on earth did I bring Nisaa along on this el-cheapo romantic dinner?

“Ayah, nak tissue.”

I thought this can’t be real. Her voice was louder than everyone else’s in the restaurant put together. I closed my eyes, then re-opened. It was almost pitch dark. There she was, eyes closed saying, “Ayah, nak susu.”

I reluctantly got up, half-wishing I could still go back to that dream, back to Yummy Baby whom I miss but alas, I have to return to reality.

Back to the perils of single-parenthood.

(This post was made using my new Nokia N95 phone and posted from Ah Pek Kopitiam using its wifi connection)

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Flying In A Blue Dream

I remember one day at the Aéroport international de Genève – Cointrin, while waiting for our flight to Amsterdam, Isyam Swardi and I were humming this song as it played on my phone:

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Aku, Iblis, Synchronicity et al

Heureux Hasard.

Lain yang aku cari, lain yang aku dapat yang lebih menguntungkan. Dalam bahasa yang dibawa oleh Karl Gustav Jung – Serendipity, yang bukannya sebuah safara-as-safari untuk melihat gajah-gajah mengawan di sebalik perdu taugeh dan sebagainya di bumi Afrika. Begitulah cara aku membuat kesimpulan mengenai hubungan aku dengan Yummy Baby.

Dalam diam aku duduk menung dalam bilik tandas yang serba…errr…serba-serbi ini, aku terperasan akan satu bayangan hitam yang muncul di belakangku.

“Woi!” bunyi suara kuat menjerkahku. “Hahahahahaha!”

“Cipet la kau, Iblis. Aku tengah contraction ni dan kini dalam labour untuk mengeluarkan by-product lunch dan dinner yang aku makan hari ini,” maki aku kepada Iblis. “Dah lah muncul dari belakang orang yang tengah berak.”

“Aku rasa baik aku yang muncul di belakang engkau semasa engkau berak daripada Brother Anwar ataupun lain-lain kaum kerabat engkau dari MCKK,” jawab Iblis.

“Loyar buruk pulak lu, Iblis,” perli aku. “Iblis pun reti joke ke?”

“Dah tengah bulan ni mana aku ada duit nak beli loyar baru,” jawab Iblis dengan nada bersahaja. “Ni, aku bawak mamat ni untuk kita berdialog bersama.”

Dari dalam bakul sampah yang Yummy Baby gunakan untuk membuang pad, muncul seorang mamat berkaca mata. Aku dengan segera mengenali wajah tersebut: Karl Gustav Jung.

“Elok la jugak kau bawak mamat ni ke dalam jamban ni sambil aku cuba nak berak,” aku mengerutkan dahiku kepada Iblis. “Sebelum aku masuk topik Karl Jung, aku nak sampaikan soalan dari Mr Gem Odorono Corleone yang dimajukan kepada aku tempoh hari. Dia nak tahu sesuatu daripada engkau.”

“Apa dia?” tanya Iblis dengan penuh minat.

“When God created Man, God wanted somone to look over Man, so God decided to create Mother. Mr Devil also wanted someone of his choice to look over Man, so God created Wife. Is this true?” tanya aku.

“Hahahahaahah! Memang betholll!!! 10 markah kepada pasukan Gem Odorono Corleone!” jawab Iblis. “Kalau tidak, takkan Adam begitu banyak masalah dia sampai kena tendang keluar dari Jannah!”

“Kau biar betul, Iblis! Kau mengaku kau boleh buat manusia ke?” aku sergah.

“Eh, tak! Tak! Masa Firaun mengaku dia al-Malikul Mulk pun aku cakap kat Tuhan ini bukan kerja aku. Aku tak akan suruh orang syirik terhadap Allah!” jawab Iblis cemas.

“Jadi apa halnya dengan si Karl Jung ni?” tanya aku sambil cuba meneran semula taik yang terencat dan termasuk semula.

“Dia kata aku dan engkau ada semacam synchronicity.”

“Apakah yang kau maksudkan itu wahai Karl Jung?” tanya aku kepada Karl Jung.

Sambil menyalakan tembakau di paipnya, Karl Jung mula berkata, “Aku ingin menulis mengenai influence Iblis dalam analytical psychology, aku ternampak engkau. Bila aku berceramah mengenai analytical psychology, antara mereka yang menghadiri lecture aku ialah Iblis. Kemudian engkau muncul sebagai guest speaker. Bila aku berjumpa dengan engkau berdua, topicnya mesti berkisar mengenai analytical psychology.”

“Oi, Iblis. Orang tua ni dah mula merepek dan aku nak kena berak jugak. Kalau tidak aku yang psycho sebab anal retention. Kau bawak dia balik sebelum aku berak kat muka engkau.”

“Owh,” jawab Iblis, hampa. “Jadi kita tidak akan berdialog secara intelligent pada malam ini?”

Aku lepaskan satu das kentut yang berbau walaupun bukannya killer application yang dihasilkan oleh laxative yang dimakan oleh Yummy Baby yang hampir membuatku mati kelemasan dan jubin-jubin di dalam bilik mandi slide ke bawah.

“Okay, okay, I get the idea,” jawab Iblis cemas. “Jom Karl, kita sembang benda gila dengan Nietszche kat neraka. Mungkin akan ada topik baru dengan mamat tu.”

Karl Jung dengan segera padamkan api tembakaunya dan masuk semula ke dalam bakul sampah tadi.

PTUING…akhirnya…ledakan najis bermula dalam suasana aman.